


Berlin (Head over Heels)

by TheLostViking



Category: VIXX
Genre: Berlin - Freeform, Germany, Love, M/M, RaBin - Freeform, Slow Burn, luck, luck is the main relationship here the others are basically just cameos, navibin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2018-12-14 21:57:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 70,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11792292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLostViking/pseuds/TheLostViking
Summary: Taekwoon has to go to Berlin, Germany for a business deal and ends up visiting his best friend Jaehwan's little brother, Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk has changed a lot since the last time they saw each other, but at the same time it's the same boy he knew before he left Seoul to study in Berlin.





	1. Prologue

\- Fall 2016 -

 

Taekwoon despises packing. Due to having the tendency to ignore the action until the very last moment he always ends up not bringing what he’s supposed to, like extra underwear or socks, and too much of stuff he doesn’t need. Once he had brought four pairs of pants to Thailand and ended up not wearing one of them because the weather was too hot. One would think he would learn some day, due to his work leading him to places all over the globe to legally represent his company making contract dealings, but no. Somehow, he always ended up stressed and angry while packing the night before leaving.

It was while angrily packing for his month-long business trip to Berlin in Germany that he almost growled when the doorbell to his apartment rang. He wasn’t expecting any guests, and he was not in the mood for strangers. Almost stomping his way over to the door, feeling like steam was fuming off his head because he had of course forgotten to send his best suit to dry-cleaning and could therefore not wear it when first meeting the potential business partners the next day, he barks at the door before arriving with a hand on the handle.

“Yeah?”

“It’s Jaehwan.” His best friend’s voice sounded through the door and Taekwoon immediately relaxed. At that moment even Jaehwan’s cheery presence was more welcoming than dealing with packing his luggage.

He opened the door immediately, letting out a relieved sigh at the sight of the other – confusing Jaehwan. Taekwoon leaned his head on the opened door and closed his eyes. He felt exhausted all of a sudden, his energy no longer fueled by anger and rather worn down by the stress of traveling.

“What’s wrong?” Jaehwan asked with furrowed brows as he entered the apartment, brushing past an unmoving Taekwoon.

He leaned further onto the door and let his body naturally follow it as it closed shut. “I’m packing.” He grunted and followed behind Jaehwan further through the hallway of the compact apartment, his type conveniently called an officetel, and past the kitchen into the open livingroom. Knowing he could act as if home, Jaehwan threw himself onto the couch by the big, single window covering one wall of the room and hummed in understanding.

“You’ve never been to Berlin before, right?” He asked, looking up at Taekwoon who just hovered beside the couch – too stressed to sit. He knew if he sat down he would never get up.

Taekwoon nodded in answer, hands on his hips, his overgrown – originally cut very short – hair bouncing with the motion. He had never meant his hair to grow all the way to his jaw, but somehow time had run away from him.

He had told Jaehwan about the business trip as soon as he found out about it himself two weeks ago, knowing his little brother Sanghyuk studies there. At the mention of the city his thoughts had immediately wandered to the five years younger kid who left to Berlin after being accepted to one of the world’s finest universities of architecture. Almost 4 years had passed since both he and Jaehwan had seen him last.

Taekwoon looked at Jaehwan and realized his lack of gifts to take to Sanghyuk. “You’re not sending him anything? I told you I’d save you some space in my luggage.” His leg casually kicked at Jaehwan’s crossed leg as he spoke.

“I am!” Jaehwan uncrossed his legs and straightened, reaching for the inner pocket of his thin coat. “A very important thing.”

Taekwoon sat down beside him and Jaehwan handed over two white envelopes. One had Taekwoon’s name written in elegant, golden cursive, the other had Sanghyuk’s name. Taekwoon’s brows rose in surprise and he reached out to accept the two envelopes. He gave Jaehwan an anticipating look while carefully opening his own envelope.

A wedding invitation. Taekwoon’s face broke into a big, genuine smile. “About time.” He said and Jaehwan blushed slightly, no longer able to hide his own excited grin. He had an adorable grin, his slightly crooked mouth giving his smile a unique and charming character.

“Dohee finally let me propose.”

“How many times did you end up trying?”

“Three. She stopped me before I could even get started the first two times. She just knows when I’m about to propose.” Jaehwan laughed breathily and Taekwoon’s chest bubbled with happiness for his friend. Dohee was adorable and had a talent for keeping Jaehwan in check without breaking his bright spirit in the process. She had a lot of will for such a tiny woman, which charmed Taekwoon right away when meeting her for the first time after she and Jaehwan went official.

“Congratulations.” Taekwoon said and opened the invitation for the details. A beautiful picture of the cute couple, his wife-to-be a tiny but stubborn woman two years younger than him, and the wedding date. July the following year.

“You set the date after Sanghyuk’s graduation.” Taekwoon pointed out, not looking up while reading the other details.

“I can’t get married without my little brother by my side.” Jaehwan answered with a sigh. He always got a little sad when talking about Sanghyuk, he missed him too much. As brothers the two were very close, divided by age during their younger years, but as they got older their relationship soon turned into more of a friendship than brothers. Jaehwan and Sanghyuk were step-brothers, Jaehwan’s mother marrying Sanghyuk’s father when both were very young. “Plus; he’s the best man.” He added with pride practically beaming off him.

Taekwoon nodded in agreement with a low hum and tucked the card back into the envelope before carefully placing it on the coffee table in front of them.

“I was hoping you could go give him the invitation and break the news to him personally?” Jaehwan asked, handing over another piece of paper. “Here’s his address.”

“Of course.” Taekwoon promised and fished his wallet out from his back pocket to tuck the address in with his ID-card. “I was going to go see him anyway.”

“Check if he’s alright for me, will you? We barely call each other these days, I don’t even know what he’s up to most of the time.” Jaehwan’s voice was laced with worry, typical for him despite his bright impression, and his brows were furrowed. Taekwoon gave him a serious look and nodded, giving him a silent promise.

“I will.”


	2. Half the World Away

_My body feels young but my mind is very old_   
_So what do you say?_   
_You can't give me the dreams that are mine anyway_   
_You're half the world away_   
_“Half the World Away” - Aurora_

 

It was a 12 hours long flight to Munchen, during which Taekwoon had originally planned to sleep during the most of to avoid jetlag but failed, and then he had to transfer to a train to get to Berlin. By the time he got to his hotel room it was close to midnight and he had been awake for a good 24 hours with only a nap here and there to save his brain from blacking out on him. He was barely functioning enough to hang up his best suit for the first business meeting the next day when he arrived in his room; a medium large, modern hotel apartment with a snug bathroom, a wall covered in glass windows and a small balcony. Everything was white or gray and looked like it had never been touched before. The hotel _was_ new; belonging to the very company he was to be doing business with.

He resisted the strong urge to just collapse straight on his king sized bed and just sleep in the clothes he’d traveled in, his jeans and t-shirt sticking to his body uncomfortably after sitting in seats all day. He needed a shower, badly, but he was too tired. So he opened the balcony doors to let in some cool autumn air and undressed with slow, lazy motions – barely keeping his balance. He would sleep naked and shower in the morning, he decided after brushing his teeth and crawling under the covers.

His head was buzzing. The journey had made his mind feel hazy and stressed, but now that he was all settled for sleep he felt his thoughts wander towards the next day and what it would bring. He was nervous for the meeting; communicating with the Germans in English and having to stand his ground if their terms did not agree with what his superior has instructed him. It was going to be a harsh month, he knew. And then there was Sanghyuk. He didn’t want to wait too long before going to see him, so he hoped he would have the time already the next day. He wanted to see him, he realized, his heart beating at the thought of the young boy he had so much protective love for when they were younger and hung out like brothers and friends alike. He wondered if he’d changed. What if his playful personality had gone away? He really hoped not, it had amused him so much in the past.

Jaehwan, Sanghyuk and Taekwoon had grown up together as best friends, and despite the large age-gap between Taekwoon and Sanghyuk, they got along just fine. But as Jaehwan and Taekwoon got older, Sanghyuk became more of a third wheel to their duo and in the end Sanghyuk had his own friends and Taekwoon would only see him at Jaehwan’s house whenever he came over. Despite this, Taekwoon always loved him as a friend and teased him like a little brother whenever he saw him.

He had missed him a lot the past 4 years he hadn’t seen him.

\--

The next day had started in a blur. Taekwoon had woken up at 4AM, despite his alarm being set for 7, and felt heavy and hung over, but still not able to get back to sleep. He had known jetlag would hit him hard, but he whined like a little boy nonetheless when he crawled out of bed and shuffled over to the bathroom to shower. He eyed the bathtub for a good five minutes before deciding it wasn’t a good idea right then, in case he fell asleep in it and drowned. That would’ve been too much of a tragedy, he thought.

The shower did wonders to his comfort, but had little or no effect on his need for sleep. He tried lying in bed again, on top of the covers and dressed in sweatpants and a tank top, to see if sleep would find him – but it was impossible. He stared at the roof until the big, fancy clock on the wall showed it was 6 am and the breakfast buffet would be open, before he gave up and left the room to find food.

The breakfast was grand and very European. For the average Korean man there was little to eat, but Taekwoon found his comfort in the cereal section and then stole some pastries to bring to his room for later. Or maybe he would bring them to Sanghyuk as a gift. He’d packed no gifts for him, expecting Jaehwan to give him so much to bring he wouldn’t have room for anything else – only to have Jaehwan give him the wedding invitation alone to bring. At the airport he’d picked up a package of red ginseng drinks, the only thing he could think of as a thing a parent would send to their son studying in a land far far away. He would say it was from Jaehwan anyway, since he found it a little embarrassing, and tell him Jaehwan worries about his health or something. He thought it was a good plan.

Soon later he was not dressed in his best suit, because he had once again forgot to send it to dry-cleaning, but he had a decent backup suit thankfully. He was waiting in the reception at 9AM precisely to be picked up and brought to the company he would do business with. It didn’t take long before two men in tight, expensive-looking suits came up to him and introduced themselves as his assistants for the trip. He had been told he would have a Korean secretary to accompany him as well, someone fluent in German, but he or she had yet to show up.

“Welcome to beautiful Berlin Mr. Jung! We hope we can help you make your stay as pleasant as possible. Did the hotel and apartment suit your taste alright?” One of the men, introduced as Mr. Braun and in the blue suit, said. Taekwoon smiled as charmingly as he could and nodded.

“Very pleasant, thank you.” He answered. He hated the sound of his own accent as he spoke, wishing he had paid more attention to it in school. Braun and the other man seemed pleased with his answer and smiled dazzlingly. They were both young, probably newly employed and given any stray mission the company would conjure up for them. Taekwoon knew the struggle all too well.

“Are there any attractions we could help you find or get tickets for?” The youngest-looking man in a black suit asked, introduced as Thomas Bergmann (“Please call me Thomas, sir.”), asked him. They were standing in the reception still and not making any sign of moving along, so Taekwoon had to assume they were waiting for his secretary.

“I have to admit I didn’t have time to do much research on what to do in Berlin, I’m afraid.” He bowed his head shyly as he spoke, feeling a little ashamed and hoping they wouldn’t take it as a sign of lack of interest or respect. Thankfully they both just smiled even more at him and his worry disappeared.

“Have no worry! We will introduce you to all the most famous attractions of Berlin, once you have some free time to see them.” Braun beamed. They were both so friendly Taekwoon felt a huge relief on his feelings of stress for the trip.

“Ahh, here we are!” Exclaimed Thomas as an Asian woman in a pant suit exited an elevator and jogged over to them with flushed cheeks. She nodded and smiled at the two Germans as she approached them and then turned to Taekwoon for a formal bow.

“I’m so sorry for the delay Mr. Jung, I promise I will make up for it.” She said in quick and fluent Korean. She straightened and flashed a charming smile at him, making him smile back by reflex. “Welcome to Berlin, my name is Kang Sora and I will be your secretary during your stay.” She extended her arm for a handshake, which he was a little slow on accepting, and gave him a firm squeeze. “I will be translating German, and English if you need it in order to make this negotiation as fair and free of misunderstanding as possible.”

She was so full of energy that Taekwoon felt like a sack of potatoes standing in front of her. He took a few moments to formulate a response with his sleep-deprived brain. “Thank you for your help, Miss Sora.”

She nodded, pleased, and turned to Braun and Thomas. “Sollen wir gehen?” She asked them in German. They nodded and turned to the exit and Taekwoon followed, assuming it meant they were finally leaving.

\--

Despite his exhaustion from meeting too many people at once while being dreadfully tired and slow-brained in a completely foreign country on the opposite side of the planet, Taekwoon had set his mind on meeting Sanghyuk – if only just briefly – that night. He felt almost desperate for a familiar face, no matter how long it had been since he was him last. Not even stopping by the hotel after eating dinner with the whole crew of negotiators from the German company, Thomas fetched him a taxi and sent him away on his own.

With butterflies in his stomach and anticipation Taekwoon climbed the stairs of the aged brick building the taxi driver assured him was his destination. The area seemed to be very much a youthful one, the streets covered in neon signs, clubs, coffeeshops and bars, compared to the sleek and impressive business buildings surrounding his hotel.

The address said apartment 303, which he assumed meant third floor.

His mind was filled with memories of the 19 year old Sanghyuk he had seen almost every day before he left to study in Berlin for 5 years. A young, spirited and stubborn boy that looked very cute despite insisting he was very manly. Taekwoon had teased him endlessly for being so effortlessly cute and suspected he kind of hated him for it, but was too scared to do anything about it.

He found the door and hovered for several minutes before knocking; straightening his suit, catching his breath from climbing the stairs, running a hand through his hair – which never seemed to fall into a pleasing hairdo for him no matter what he did. He wasn’t used to having such long hair.

There was no doorbell, so he knocked the door normally two times – waited – then two times more a little harder when he heard no reaction. He waited a little more, listening intently for any sound behind the door, before jumping back slightly with a silent gasp when the door suddenly opened inwards.

A young Asian guy that was definitely not Sanghyuk looked at him with narrow and very critical eyes, blocking the door with a hand resting on the doorframe – looking ready to slam it right back in his face. He’s strikingly handsome, sharp features and hair styled to the point of looking like a live poster. Taekwoon’s mind goes blank and he struggles to find a coherent thought.

Jumping to conclusion; Taekwoon did a slight bow and greeted the guy in Korean. And then asked: “Is Han Sanghyuk home?”

The guy bowed back in pure reflex but frowned deeper, looking incredibly skeptical with Taekwoon.

“Depends on who’s asking.” He said then, keeping his speech formal. Taekwoon felt increasingly uncomfortable under the other’s gaze and felt sweat form on his back. His legs were trying to talk him into just walking away from the unpleasant situation and just try calling him instead. Jaehwan had also given him a number he could call from the hotel phone.

“I’m an old friend.” Taekwoon said and the guy’s expression softened just a tad bit. He didn’t move and Taekwoon shifted his weight uncomfortably. “Jung Taekwoon.” He added. He realized then, with slight panic, that introducing himself as an old friend was possibly one of the oldest tricks in the book for criminals or maybe even gangsters to get into someone’s apartment without having to use force. His eyes darted to the floor as Hongbin examined him carefully, humming as he did, trying to look as friendly as possible. It wasn’t as if he was actually coming with trouble, but it felt like he was at that moment.

The corner of the Hongbin’s mouth twitched and he turned his head towards the inside of the apartment, a wide open space with livingroom and kitchen well-visible from the entrance and three doors opposite from it. One of the doors were slightly open, light streaming out from the room.

“Hyuk-ah! Do you know someone called Taekwoon?” The guy called out and then immediately turned his head back to keep his eyes locked on Taekwoon while waiting for an answer. Avoiding his eyes, Taekwoon looked over his shoulder at the slightly open door with hope rising in his chest.

Two doors move at the same time and out of the door Taekwoon was already focused on, came another – assumingly – Korean guy walking out looking very curious but also really tired. Taekwoon’s heart had jumped and then sunk back down when registering the error, but he immediately shifted his gaze to the other door that opened and was finally greeted with someone familiar.

It was Sanghyuk, but at the same time this Sanghyuk was very different from the one in his memories. He stepped into the room, rubbing his eyes and groaning a ‘what did you say, Hyung?’ and Taekwoon was exposed to a whole new Sanghyuk. Was this Sanghyuk 2.0?

He was taller, broader, arms and legs thick with muscle that weren’t there before and his hair was bleached snow white, shaved on the sides and falling into his eyes in a messy fringe on top. Only dressed in gray sweats that rode low on his waist, showing a line of bright orange, brand-name boxers and a black tank top that sat tightly around his body – he made quite the view.

Taekwoon felt his knees go a little weak, which he had never experienced before. It surprised him; his heartbeat suddenly turning rapid and his throat dry when Sanghyuk finally stopped rubbing his eyes and looked at Taekwoon. Sanghyuk had never had this effect on him before, when he saw him almost every day during his teenage years.

A moment of disbelief and then he broke into a dazzling smile that made his eyes turn into half-moons. “Taekwoon-hyung!”

The guy holding the door finally smiled and let go, making way for Taekwoon to step in, but Taekwoon’s legs wouldn’t move. He could barely form words.

“Hey, Hyuk-ah” He said with effort, sounding a little weak. He felt a smile form on his mouth without his permission and his eyes were threatening to well up with tears. He was _so_ tired and exhausted and he had missed his friend and there he was; all grown up and looking like a giant.

His inability to move was no problem when Sanghyuk rushed in and gave him a bone-breaking hug – his body rock hard against Taekwoon. Taekwoon was not a small guy, towering over all of his co-workers normally, but Sanghyuk made him feel smaller. He groaned into the younger’s shoulder when his arms tightened around him.

“Long time no see.” He said when they parted, a little out of breath. His ribs were aching a little.

“Good to see you.” Sanghyuk answered warmly with eyes that seemed to sparkle and then stepped aside. “Come in.”


	3. Warmth

_All the years I miss your warmth_

_Have you missed my warmth?_

_On your island_

_\- Young The Giant - “Islands”_

 

Taekwoon was seated in a brown sofa that was so soft it felt like he was drowning in it, Sanghyuk 2.0 seated beside him and his two roommates across from them in two foldable chairs, a seemingly homemade coffee table between them and the pastries he brought untouched on a plate. His head was spinning because it all felt like it could only be a dream he was having. He had only slept 4 hours the night before; the likelihood of him being asleep in the taxi still was very large. He had to blink slowly several times and subtly pinch his leg to convince himself he was still awake. The apartment seemed so surreal, so full of stuff – mostly framed images, the walls already full of them so they were stacked against the walls and furniture – and impressions that he felt bombarded. And then there was Sanghyuk sitting beside him; embraced by sofa cushions and leaned back with his arm behind Taekwoon’s back like they saw each other yesterday, looking utterly relaxed. His white hair was messy and coming into his eyes, making him blow it away every two minutes while explaining Hongbin and Wonshik that this was Taekwoon; one of his childhood friends and his brother’s sidekick for life. Taekwoon grumbled a little at being called the sidekick, feeling Jaehwan fit the role better with his bubbly personality and the fact that he was younger. It earned Sanghyuk a signature death glare but the younger only laughed and Taekwoon was left baffled. Silenced.

“You want some tea?” Hongbin asked him when Sanghyuk was done. Hongbin’s whole _being_ had changed after Taekwoon had been introduced. The person Taekwoon met at the door was simply not there anymore, now replaced by a smiley, friendly guy called Hongbin who seemed nervous to talk to him. Personally, he would’ve begged on his knees for coffee at that point, but he didn’t want to be rude.

“Yes, please.” He flashed a smile and Hongbin moved to the kitchen with a quick smile.

The spell was broken and Taekwoon found both speech and thought thanks to Hongbin. “So, you are Sanghyuk’s… classmates?” He asked.

“Nah, we’re not students anymore. I run a blog about street fashion. I’m the photographer and Wonshik is usually my model.” Hongbin explained, while making the tea. That explained all the pictures, Taekwoon thought.

“They’re even sponsored by a couple of up-and-coming fashions brands.” Sanghyuk added excitedly – his elbows propped on his knees and leaning forward towards Taekwoon. With their bodies closer, he felt warmth radiating from him and he could smell a faint trace of sweet perfume. Wonshik watched Sanghyuk with fond eyes. The looks he was giving the younger kept Taekwoon’s eyes shifting to him for milliseconds at a time, for reasons unknown.

“So, all these images everywhere,” He gestured at the frames all around them. “they’re all yours?” He asked. Hongbin shook his head. “Some of them are, but most are for inspiration.”

Taekwoon wasn’t really interested in what Hongbin and Wonshik did for a living, but listened diligently due to Sanghyuk’s blatant enthusiasm. He still got excited over things like he did when they grew up, and knowing that made Taekwoon’s chest warm with fondness over him.

But he wanted to know how Sanghyuk was doing. He wanted to know everything, he realized. Compared to Jaehwan he hadn’t talked to Sanghyuk at all since he moved. He wasn’t big on using things like Skype for videocalls and he hated texting.

He shuffled in his seat and the envelope in his pocket poked his arm sharply, reminding him of his main purpose for coming. It was threatening to fall out when he grabbed it, and he held it up for Sanghyuk’s now curious eyes to see. “I came to give you this.” He said softly and handed it over.

“So, you didn’t come all the way over here just to see me?” Sanghyuk said jokingly, but it made Taekwoon’s chest sting. He worried if Sanghyuk thought he didn’t want to see him, that he only came to deliver the envelope.

“It’s just an excuse.” He blurted before thinking of any other answer. The directness made him flush a little but Sanghyuk had already looked away, focusing on opening the envelope.

“Jaehwan-hyung is getting married?” Sanghyuk face lighted up the moment he opened the card to see the lovely picture of the engaged couple. Taekwoon broke into a smile himself at the sight. “That’s great!” Sanghyuk exclaimed a little louder and looked at Taekwoon with pure joy for a moment before moving back to inspect the image. “She’s really pretty.” He mumbled, settling back on the sofa.

“They’re waiting for you to graduate.” Taekwoon paused slightly, smiling fondly. “Before getting married, I mean. Jaehwan wants you to be his best man.” He added and Sanghyuk looked at him in astonishment.

“Really?” Sanghyuk said in a tone suggesting he couldn’t believe it. Taekwoon nodded.

“That’s so nice of them.” Hongbin’s voice cut through the space Taekwoon had created where only he and Sanghyuk was in the room. A mug filled with hot tea smelling strongly of mint was placed in his hands. He had totally forgotten about the two other men, even Wonshik with his affectionate looks. His breath hitched when he realized and Hongbin had grabbed the card from Sanghyuk to look at the picture.

“Your brother’s handsome.” Hongbin said and gave Sanghyuk a playful smile. Sanghyuk nudged him back with his elbow, snatching back the card before Wonshik could come over and lean in from behind Hongbin enough to see for himself.

“Hey, let me see!” Wonshik exclaimed in discontent. When Sanghyuk kept the card for himself, watching the picture one more time and smiling again, Wonshik moved around the sofa and dropped down on the third seat beside Sanghyuk, making Taekwoon’s seat jump up and making him lose his balance a little. He had to grab the armrest to keep himself from falling backwards into the depths of super-soft cushions he would surely fall asleep in within seconds. Sanghyuk shot him a look and reached out with an arm to support his back, his hand so warm to the touch on Taekwoon’s back it was like it was blazing. He suddenly really needed to get out of his suit jacket.

“They’re a good-looking couple.” Wonshik commented when he finally caught sight of the image.

Taekwoon watched them in silence, a strong feeling like he’s intruding growing within him. He shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. He kind of wanted to leave. Then Sanghyuk laughed loudly when preventing Wonshik from stealing the card again and Taekwoon sat paralyzed without understanding exactly why.

Hongbin watched him silently, a peculiar smile on his lips. Taekwoon caught his eyes and then quickly looked down at his feet, his breath coming out in a huff. He slowly moved his body to get up from his seat, catching Sanghyuk’s attention.

“Are you leaving?” Sanghyuk asked, getting up as well. His hand immediately went to Taekwoon’s back again as he came up to his side. “You look tired, why don’t you stay?” He said softly. Taekwoon felt as if he would faint. He couldn’t stay. Could he? No, he couldn’t. He had work in the morning and their apartment is small and there are two roommates and the sofa looks horrible to sleep on and-

“I guess it’s best if you sleep back at your hotel.” Sanghyuk said with a smile that said he’d read Taekwoon’s internal struggle. Could it be that he still knew Taekwoon in-and-out even after all those years?

“I’m sorry, Hyuk-ah.” He sighed. It came out so softly and tiredly it was embarrassing. “I’m here on a business trip so I have work in the morning. I’d love to stay otherwise.” He assured him. Sanghyuk nodded with a hum.

“I understand. I really missed you, Hyung, thank you for coming to see me.” He hugged Taekwoon again and for the first time in his adult life he felt small in someone else’s arms. It felt comforting and warm and he felt himself sag a little. He was so tired…

“Goodnight.” He murmured, mostly to force himself to leave, or else it felt like he would be stuck in those arms for the rest of the night.

“Come see me again tomorrow? I’ll take you to dinner.” Sanghyuk’s eyes were shining with the hope of a young boy.

Taekwoon nodded and smiled. “Sure.” And let go of the other, turned and left out the door, totally forgetting to say goodbye to the two roommates watching them in silence.

\--

Gravity seemed to pull Taekwoon to Sanghyuk’s apartment door after work the very next day. The night before he had finally slept a full night and actually felt like a human being when leaving the hotel for work. Thomas had picked him up in his car and he was given a tour of the company premises and then they ate lunch with the company CEO; a very approachable and friendly woman with a very difficult name he didn’t dare pronounce. Then they let him go and he was luckily free to have dinner with Sanghyuk, as he had promised the day before without even checking if he could.

He waited several minutes in front of the door before finally knocking, feeling strangely nervous. Wonshik opened and greeted him with a warm and welcoming smile, but Taekwoon felt a small itch of disappointment.

“We have a doorbell, you know.” He said matter-of-factly, nodding towards a tiny, old-looking button on the wall on Taekwoon’s right. Taekwoon flushed. He hadn’t seen it, neither that day nor the day before.

“Is Sanghyuk home?” He asked.

“He’s getting groceries with Hongbin.” Wonshik opened the door widely, nodding for Taekwoon to come in. “Come in and wait, they won’t be long.”

Taekwoon leaned back on his heels, hesitating for a moment before gravity caught a hold of him and his body was making its way through the door despite his brain wanting to leave. Before he knew it, he was seated on the sofa with a Christmas themed mug of hot, green tea in his hands and Wonshik on a folding chair across from him sipping a bottle of something that looked like beer. It smelled like beer. He ached for some coffee, but kept his mouth shut.

“Sanghyuk told us you were childhood friends?” Wonshik asked to break the awkward silence between them. Taekwoon had been staring at his mug in silence for several moments while Wonshik had just watched him while taking small sips of his drink.

“I’ve known Jaehwan since I was a baby, so I met Sanghyuk when their parents married.” He answered after taking his time to think. “I lived with their family for a year when I was 17.” He supplied when Wonshik did nothing but hum in answer.

“Oh, really?” Wonshik answered, not sounding too interested. He was just being polite it seemed. Taekwoon frowned, feeling like an intruder again. He shuffled in his seat, not exactly comfortable; the sofa was once again trying to drown him and he felt his butt sinking deeper and deeper, his knees coming higher and higher in front of him.

“How did you meet Sanghyuk?” Taekwoon tried, desperate to avoid the pending awkward silence. To his relief the question made Wonshik smile while he took another sip of his bottle.

“Hongbin casted him on campus to model for him. Sanghyuk’s pretty good at it. He’s got talent.”

Taekwoon could picture it easily; Sanghyuk was handsome and had a relaxed attitude that probably made him look good in photos.

“Hakyeon-hyung always tries to talk him into dropping out to do modeling full-time, but Sanghyuk refuses every time. He loves architecture too much.” Wonshik added with a chuckle, but Taekwoon looked at him in confusion. “Hakyeon?” He asked.

“One of our sponsors. He visits sometimes.” Wonshik answered simply, not willing to elaborate. Taekwoon went back to staring at his mug intently, sipping carefully at the hot green tea. He had been too shy to ask for sugar, so it was a little bitter.

Suddenly Hongbin and Sanghyuk burst through the door and Taekwoon was saved by the bell. They were soaked, both fleeing into the apartment and dropping off the grocery bags on the kitchen island in a hurry, then peeling off their wet hoodies with cold, stiff fingers.

“There’s a flash flood!” Sanghyuk exclaimed, running to his bedroom with his arms hugging himself. He hadn’t even noticed Taekwoon yet. Taekwoon contemplated getting up and go to his bedroom, but then he tried to inch himself out of the sofa and found it impossible to do without falling face-first to the floor. Plus; Sanghyuk was changing his clothes, it might not have been the best time to announce one’s presence.

Wonshik had disappeared from his seat and was suddenly back from the middle door of the three in the room with a white towel, which he unfolded and wrapped around Hongbin’s shoulder, the latter busy unpacking groceries onto the bench. Hongbin looked up and noticed Taekwoon, who smiled awkwardly.

“Ohh, hey!” Hongbin flashed a toothy grin. “I didn’t see you, sorry.” His smile turned apologetic while Wonshik dried his hair roughly with another towel. Hongbin grimaced at the rough handling of his hair and gave Wonshik an elbow to the ribs.

“Ohh, you’re here!” Sanghyuk exclaimed from behind Taekwoon and he turned to the sound with great effort. The sofa almost catapulted him out, but he managed to find balance somehow. Sanghyuk was drying his hair with a towel slowly and wore a dry pair of sweatpants and bright red hoodie that looked so soft Taekwoon kind of wanted to hug him just to feel.

“I wasn’t sure when you were coming.” Sanghyuk said as he sat down on the folded chair Wonshik had been on earlier, across from Taekwoon. Taekwoon was starting to suspect the residents of this apartment tended to avoid the sofa in favor of the chairs.

“Yeah, sorry, I don’t have your number so I just came as soon as I was free to leave.” Though, that day he had taken the time to change from his suit to a more comfortable pair of jeans and a t-shirt before coming.

“Did you eat dinner?”

“Not yet.” Taekwoon answered, trying to get up from his seat. Sanghyuk extended a helpful arm and Taekwoon was all but launched up to a standing. He huffed, surprised, while Sanghyuk grinned just for a flash second.

“I’ll take you somewhere cool then.”

\--

“How long have you been here?” Sanghyuk asked him when they entered the street outside the apartment building and led the way with a hand on Taekwoon’s back. The hand felt warm through his coat.

“I arrived the night before yesterday.”

“You came here almost right away?” Sanghyuk looked at him in happy surprise and Taekwoon hummed with a small smile.

“As soon as I could.”

Sanghyuk flushed and picked up their pace. There was a slight wind and the air was cold, even making its way inside Taekwoon’s woolen coat. Sanghyuk only wore a leather jacket over his hoodie and his cheeks and the tip of his nose soon flushed red, but still seemed unbothered.

They walked straight for several blocks, the area slowly turning from an area of apartment buildings to a big collection of restaurants of any nationality. Taekwoon wondered fleetingly if there was any Korean food in Berlin, and then if Sanghyuk missed it a lot. Taekwoon knew what a good cook Jaehwan’s mother is.

He was busy looking around at all the restaurants and the people inside them when suddenly Sanghyuk grabbed his elbow and dragged him into an alley. “This is it!” Sanghyuk exclaimed with enthusiasm. The alley was dimly lit by several big light bulbs hanging above their heads in a random pattern, making the otherwise shady-looking street look quite cozy. He was lead to a gigantic door painted in dark green, a contrast from the otherwise dark walls surrounding them, and the name of the place written in German. Sanghyuk grabbed the solid-looking, old door handle and hauled it open to bathe them both in light from inside and Taekwoon was dragged into the warmth.


	4. Like Sunshine Breaking Through

_No, we're never as lost or as found as we think we are_   
_“Lost and Found” – The Midnight_

 

Taekwoon stared at the ceiling of his hotel apartment. He had collapsed with his back on the bed fully clothed, not even taking off his coat, and completely exhausted. His mind was reeling with mixed images of Sanghyuk. The Sanghyuk he knew as a teenager. The Sanghyuk he was getting to know now. They were the same person, but at the same time so different. Almost four years had passed since he saw or talked to him last and it was becoming very clear to him that the kid he knew had grown up very fast while being away from his home country and family.

He thought about how when you don’t see a person you know so well for a really long time, and don’t even get to talk to them, you don’t expect them to change. He hadn’t expected for Sanghyuk to be so different from four years ago because the only image he could conjure was the one of the boy waving goodbye at the airport in Incheon – promising to be safe. He smiled to himself. It seemed as if Sanghyuk had grown well. Not through great hardship but simply experience. What else could one expect when a 19 year old moves across the world to live in a city he’s never even been to?

He remembered how brave he thought Sanghyuk to be, to travel so far to pursue his dream. He envied him back then, and he envied him still. He wasn’t much of a traveler, but he still wanted to see the world. Slowly, through the course of his life.

He turned his head to the side and looked at the view of Berlin outside his window. He was experiencing the world at that very moment. _What a strange feeling._

“You grew so much, Sanghyuk-ah…” He mumbled to the room, closing his eyes.

He had been so surprised when they arrived at the restaurant. It was a place that served German food and the menu was in German, completely throwing Taekwoon off his tracks. Helplessly he had stared at the menu, not understanding most of it, and then given Sanghyuk – who was perfectly calmly reading the menu by himself – a panicked look. Sanghyuk had then looked up and smiled playfully.

“Should I help you, Hyung?”

Taekwoon had almost laughed at how cheeky he sounded, but held his mask and smiled innocently. “Please.”

“I’ll order for you.”

When the waiter came Sanghyuk talked to him in German and Taekwoon just stared at him in complete wonder. It hadn’t even occurred to him that it would be a natural thing to do when moving to Berlin. Surprised and impressed he speechlessly stared at the younger long after the waiter had left with their order.

“What is it?” Sanghyuk eventually asked.

“You know German?”

Sanghyuk laughed lightly, his eyes disappearing as he did. “Of course! Most of my classes are in German, you know?”

Taekwoon’s eyes widened. “Huh? But you didn’t know German when you left, did you?”

At this Sanghyuk frowned, something flashing across his eyes before he composed himself again. Then he said softly: “I took night classes for two years before I left.” He searched Taekwoon’s eyes, who was slowly realizing. “I thought you knew that.”

He _did_ remember Sanghyuk having evening classes a few times a week. He remembered him coming home at midnight some days Taekwoon was still hanging out with Jaehwan, completely exhausted and Jaehwan’s mother desperately trying to make him eat something before going to bed. He had never bothered to find out what kind of classes he was taking.

“I didn’t.” He said softly, smiling a little apologetically. “I thought you went to one of those private academies that help you study for exams.” He felt a little embarrassed for not knowing, like he had neglected him somehow. Sanghyuk nodded silently, but smiled reassuringly when he saw the look on Taekwoon’s face and changed the subject.

“How long are you staying?”

“Four weeks.” Taekwoon answered and Sanghyuk’s eyes had widened in surprise before breaking into a bigger smile.

“We’ll have plenty of time then. I have so many things I wanna show you.”

The waiter came with their drinks, two beers and two waters, and Sanghyuk thanked him softly before turning his attention back to Taekwoon.

“You’ll be free to hang out on afternoon’s right?” He asked.

Taekwoon nodded while sipping his water.

“I have classes to go to while you’re at work anyway, so we’ll meet up after and I’ll show you all the best places to see and eat.”

“Thank you, Hyuk-ah.” Taekwoon said sincerely and Sanghyuk shook his head with a slight blush.

“I’m just so happy you’re here. I never thought any of you would visit me before I have to go home again.” Sanghyuk bit his lip at that and Taekwoon got the feeling he was feeling a little sad about his family not being able to afford to visit him.

“Your father works very hard. He would visit if he could.” Taekwoon assured him, but Sanghyuk only nodded in answer.

The sound of his phone made Taekwoon’s eyes open up and he was back in his hotel apartment and in bed again. He wondered for a moment if he had fallen asleep. He patted his jeans to find his phone and eventually fished it out of his coat pocket. He was feeling warm, the coat too thick to wear in a heated room. He sat up and shrugged it off; letting it fall to the floor beside the bed before checking on the message he had received.

_Here’s my number, Hyung.  
_ It was from an unknown number but he knew from the message that it was Sanghyuk. He had left his own phone at home, but Taekwoon had given him his business card with the German phone number he had been given for his stay written on it in pen. He had been given a disposable phone by the company to use in order to contact Kang Sora, Thomas or Mr. Braun if he had any questions or troubles.

_Good night.  
_ He typed back and got up to wash up and go to sleep.

\--

“Today’s meeting will mostly just be introductions to our lawyers assigned to this deal, and they will hold a presentation to you about our proposition to your company.” Kang Sora told him as they exited the elevator on the 10th floor of the company’s main office building. He had figured out quite quickly that she preferred to talk while moving. Always on the move, always on some kind of task. Being very much a calmer type, Taekwoon thought it exhausting even to just watch, but at the same time he was impressed by her energy. He felt like he should be more enthusiastic about his reason for being in Berlin, but he was having trouble feeling engaged to the cause. He was there as a legal representative for his employee to make up a cross-continent partnership between the German and Korean trading companies. It would be his company’s first step into Europe, and their company’s first step into Asia. It was a big deal for the both of them, and making a deal that was equally fair to both sides was his and their lawyer’s job. Everything was resting on his shoulders and he could feel the weight of it more than ever at that moment, as he was about to enter the conference room and start working on the deal for the first time since arriving.

His heart was beating fast and sweat formed on his back and palms as Kang Sora opened the door for him and he entered the room with a heavy feeling in his chest.

“Welcome Mr. Jung. Pleased to meet you.”

\--

He was welcomed back to Sanghyuk’s apartment with a warm hug and led inside with an arm around his shoulders that evening. He felt himself lean into Sanghyuk as they walked in, his mind a little numb and dizzy from the workday. The meeting had exhausted him, his worries making it even worse. He was immensely grateful for having Kang Sora there to help him, or he would’ve been in big trouble. The English had been complicated, and even the Germans were struggling to express their intentions comfortably to him. It had been a busy day for her translating skills, to say the least.

“Hyung, are you okay? You look like you’re about to fall asleep.”

“I’m an old man, Hyuk-ah.” He said and hung his head in defeat. His head ached tiredly. The old nickname he used on Sanghyuk when they were young came out of him by pure habit, but it surprised him a little. It woke him up enough to steer away from the too-soft sofa he was about to be plopped into and instead crashed his body down on a foldable chair. It was hard, kind of uncomfortable and felt like it would collapse on him at any time, but he was sure that if he sat in that sofa and let it suck him into its soft cushions – he would fall asleep within seconds.

Sanghyuk laughed at him. “Ah, Hyung, you’re not _that_ old, what the hell.” A hand ran quickly through Taekwoon’s hair and a shiver roared across his body from the sensation. “You’re just jetlagged, I’m sure.”

He walked away and Taekwoon lifted his head to look where he was going. He had walked over to the kitchen area and shuffled around there for several minute, opening of closing cupboards softly – seemingly trying to not make a racket – and slowly the smell of freshly brewed coffee reached Taekwoon’s nostrils. He felt his legs move and before he knew it he was by the kitchen island facing the livingroom area, leaning in to breathe in the wonderful scent. He could smell the quality of it; a whole different world from the coffee he’d been drinking all day at the office.

Sanghyuk looked at him with an amused smile.

“What.” Taekwoon asked curtly.

“You were humming.” Sanghyuk pointed out, snorting.

“I was?”

“It was really cute too.”

“It smells good.”

“I bought it for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, we don’t really drink coffee here but I know you’re an addict, so. I figured we should have some around for days like this.” Sanghyuk explained with a fond smile and Taekwoon’s heart fluttered. He was pretty sure that was the nicest thing Sanghyuk had ever done for him.

“Thank you.” He said softly, smiling warmly at the younger. Sanghyuk watched him silently for a few moments, until the coffee brewer stopped and the coffee was ready. Taekwoon didn’t look back, instead he closed his tired eyes and sighed. He felt as if the kitchen counter was the only thing keeping him standing at that moment and he was starting to realize that coming there might not have been such a good idea. He had wanted to see Sanghyuk again though, but he was making him feel too relaxed and the apartment was so quiet and calm and dimly lit.

“Where are your roommates?” He asked as Sanghyuk poured the delicious, black liquid into another Christmas themed mug. It was different from the one he’d been given last time.

“They’re out. Dinner date.” Sanghyuk turned around and handed him the mug. His hands hugged it like this precious thing, the warmth seeping into his hands, his veins, his soul… he was already feeling a little better. He lifted it up to his nose and inhaled deeply.

“You look like you’re doing some religious ritual.” Sanghyuk said jokingly. Taekwoon cocked a brow.

“Kinda is.” He took a sip and hummed. It was proper coffee, for sure. Nothing cheap. His eyes closed with pleasure and he sagged along the counter and onto the floor. Sanghyuk walked around and sat down beside him, close enough for their shoulders to touch.

“I’m not taking you out for dinner tonight.” Sanghyuk told him, giving his side a push. Taekwoon hummed into his mug, already on the third sip. It wasn’t even very late, just shy of six pm, but he felt as if it was midnight. Then he remembered that back home it was past midnight already.

“Are you going to cook for me?” He asked softly. He wondered if Sanghyuk had learned to cook after moving from home. He knew for a fact that he had never cooked anything but ramyun as long as he lived with his family. Jaehwan’s mother loved cooking too much.

He heard a huff beside him, the air hitting the arm he had resting on a raised knee in front of him. “If you want to die a slow and painful death, I can, but I think you’d prefer that we order in.” He answered with a light tone and Taekwoon snorted in response. Sanghyuk hoisted himself up to a standing, looking around himself searching for something. He walked out of sight back into the kitchen.

“Let’s order pizza.” He said, coming back around with a pamphlet and his phone. Taekwoon nodded in agreement and took a last and final sip of his coffee. He was starting to feel the effect and it gave him enough energy to stand up and accept the offered pamphlet. He gave it a glance, confirming that yes; it was in German, and gave Sanghyuk a look with a brow which earned him a wonderfully loud laugh.

“There’s pictures!” He reached out and opened it for Taekwoon to show him that every option was indeed pictured. He scanned the twelve options spread across the two pages and decided quite quickly with the most familiar-looking option.

“Pepperoni and cheese.” He named it, using English, the German name looking pretty similar. Sanghyuk nodded and smiled at his choice, taking the pamphlet back and turning it to find the number on the back, his phone ready.

Taekwoon wandered off to sneak a peek at Sanghyuk’s room while he was on the phone ordering, stopping in the door opening – the door having been open already – to just have a look. He didn’t feel like he could just go in there without Sanghyuk coming with him.

The room had a fair size to it. His bed was big, a simple framed mattress put up in a corner, that way occupying less space, a desk at the end of the bed that met a wall at its end, a large closet and two bookshelves – one filled with books, one with CDs, movies and figurines. He recognized some of the characters from Japanese anime they had watched as kids, sometimes together. He also saw a big one of The Hulk, which made him smile. The floor had some scattered clothing and beside the bed a pile of books made a makeshift side table with a lamp on it, but other than that it was pretty neat and clean. Not what he had expected after witnessing the mess that had been Jaehwan and Sanghyuk’s shared bedroom back in their family apartment. He was just now realizing that the source of the mess might have been Jaehwan.

“Pizza’s here in 30 minutes.” Sanghyuk’s voice was suddenly right beside him, leaning against the opposite side of the doorframe. Taekwoon gasped in surprise and closed his eyes to calm down his shock. Sanghyuk only chuckled and stepped into the room. “Come in.”

He complied and it felt like he broke a barrier when he stepped over the doorstep and entered the room. He circled the room while Sanghyuk had gone straight for his desk chair. Along the wall that featured the door there was a display of photos and sketches. Most were of buildings and landscapes, but among them was a big, unframed photo of Sanghyuk sitting at his desk, seemingly sketching and the only source of light was his desk lamp which gave him a very beautiful glow compared to rest of the dark room. He walked over to look more closely, noticing then that it was signed. Sanghyuk was sketching a house, and the sketch was hanging beside the picture. It was a stunning candid photo. He leaned in to look more closely at Sanghyuk’s concentrated face. He looked so immersed with what he was doing.

“That’s a photo that Hongbin shot it one night I was working on a project two years ago. I really like it.”

“It’s beautiful.” Taekwoon said softly.

“I never even noticed he was in the room. He came, shot the picture and left without me even noticing. Then he gave me that a week later and I decided to hang it up beside the sketch. They make a cool set, I think.”

Taekwoon took another look at the sketch; a beautiful, small house with a very detailed small garden surrounded by a cute fence. “They really do.”

He turned around, facing the other. “How’s school?”

“It’s hard. Really hard. But I love it.” It was clear that he wasn’t lying, by the way he said that he loved it. Resolute. Like he had doubted it but found a conclusion sometime before that day. “I can’t wait to graduate and start working. I have so much I want to do once I go back.”

“You probably won’t have any trouble getting hired after graduating from a school like that.” Taekwoon said, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. Sanghyuk turned his desk chair according to where he moved at all times. When he sat down he rolled it closer. Once again, he looked determined. Stubborn, even.

“I’m going to start my own company. When I get back.”

That surprised Taekwoon. It was a very bold move for a new graduate and borderline stupid in South Korea. Business was harsh over there; fast and full of shortcuts that got you into trouble. He’s heard stories of building projects being rushed and going horribly wrong.

“Right away? Don’t you want to gather some work experience?” He tried to not sound unsupportive, only mildly concerned. Sanghyuk answered him with a sigh that told him that this was a conversation he had gone through a number of times. He felt sorry for making him do it again.

“You know the job market in Seoul; it’s nearly impossible to get a job! I might as well jump the gun right away and take a leap of faith. I have money saved up from doing the modeling jobs Hongbin and Hakyeon get me and I know what I’m doing. Believe it or not, but I’m a pretty good architect, Hyung.” He said with determination. Taekwoon believed him. He saw the beautiful sketches on the walls and he knew Sanghyuk had an eye for it, he had pointed it out to him many years ago. He smiled at the confidence, feeling reassured.

“I believe you.” He said and that made Sanghyuk blush lightly, dropping his head and swirling his chair around full circle. Taekwoon studied the sketches once more.

Whenever the thought of an architect, he always thought of the people building the office buildings, the apartment buildings or skyscrapers. On Sanghyuk’s walls there were mostly normal houses. Family homes.

“What kind of things do you want to build?” He asked, facing him again. Sanghyuk looked back up, his face lit up.

“Good homes.” He said with a smile that could melt steel.


	5. I Forget to Breathe

_So please, when you look at me like that_   
_There’s no way to fight back_   
_“Breathe” – Astrid S_

Taekwoon woke up with a start and the first thing he noticed was that he wasn’t in his hotel. Sudden panic rose in his chest and he scrambled for his phone to check what time it was. He was still fully clothed, only a blanket covering him. The light from the phone screen hurt his eyes immensely in the darkness, but he was relieved to see that it was only 1 AM. He hadn’t overslept. He felt himself sag with the relief and let the phone drop from his hand to his chest as he leaned back down on his back. The phone screen lighted up the room a little and he realized he was on Sanghyuk’s bed, but the younger was nowhere to be seen. The door to the room was closed. He let his sleepy mind drift back to darkness for a bit before forcing himself out of the comfortable bed. He was keeping it from Sanghyuk, apparently, so he felt like he had to.

He opened the door carefully, in case the roommates were asleep, and peeked into the apartment. He heard the soft sound of low murmurs, then noticed Sanghyuk sitting on top of the kitchen counter, his back to the rest of the room, and Wonshik standing across from him, leaning on the stove. They were both holding mugs and were too busy with their conversation to notice Taekwoon carefully stepping out of the room, leaving the door open. It was when taking a sip that Wonshik noticed him and raised a meaningful brow at Sanghyuk, who then turned around to see him.

“I figured I’d just let you sleep, you seemed so tired.” He said as Taekwoon approached them.

“Tea?” Wonshik asked, showing off his mug. Once again; Christmas themed. He was starting to suspect they collected them. He shook his head no in answer.

“I think I needed it.” He said to Sanghyuk, coming up beside him and leaning back onto the counter he sat on. The younger’s hand gave his back a few comforting strokes and he almost felt like purring, it felt so nice through his thin shirt. Instead he sighed. Wonshik set down his mug into the sink beside him.

“Goodnight.” He said and left them on their own, Sanghyuk looking after him with an amused brow hitched before turning his attention back on Taekwoon.

“You should stay. I don’t want you to go back alone this late.”

The suggestion made Taekwoon shift uncomfortably. He didn’t want to impose, but at the same time not having to go outside sounded wonderful. “You sure?” He asked a little tenderly.

“Of course.” Sanghyuk answered without hesitation, hopping down from the counter and taking Taekwoon by the arm towards the bathroom between the two bedrooms. “Let’s get you a toothbrush.”

He rummaged through a tall cabinet behind the door of the bathroom; a rather large room with large white tiles covering both walls and floor, a fancy-looking shower area covering the back wall and a dark shower curtain with a night sky as motive going from wall-to-wall. You could fit around four people in that shower, he mused.

“A-ha! I knew we’d have some more.” Sanghyuk exclaimed and emerged with a handful of toothbrushes in various colors. Why did they even have them? Taekwoon wondered to himself as he reached for a green one. They were all still in their packaging too. The younger turned back away to put back the brushes he hadn’t chosen.

“We have a lot of people coming in and out of this apartment, and with Hongbin being a bit of a neat freak he made Wonshik buy a full box of them on a sale one time.” Sanghyuk explained with a chuckle. Taekwoon raised a brow and glanced back towards the living room. The room was so full of stuff; images, things, books, paintings, you name it. It was a little hard to believe it was the room of a neat freak. Sanghyuk jumped right on it. “I know it doesn’t look like it, but within that chaos out there are days and days of Hongbin organizing all his art into a system that pleases him. He changes his mind from time to time and then he has to start all over again.”

“Maybe he should consider getting a studio.” Taekwoon suggested while taking the brush out of its packaging. When he was done, Sanghyuk swooped in and took away the waste, putting it in a bin placed beside the toilet. A moment later there was tooth paste on his brush and Sanghyuk was putting some on his own as well.

“He’s on the lookout for one, actually, but it takes a lot of time for him to decide.”

“I get it. It’s an important place for an artist.”

Sanghyuk hummed in answer and they brushed their teeth together, looking at themselves in the large mirror above the sink. Taekwoon studied the stark difference in the younger’s build compared to four years ago. He was both taller and broader than him now and when standing side by side like that Taekwoon almost looked like he was younger. Except for when he looked up at their faces and their eyes and compared his own tired, bland eyes to his bright and playful ones. His eyes were still as young as before and Taekwoon was glad for that. At least Sanghyuk had not lost his spark, like so many others did at his age. Like he had at that age.

He spat out the toothpaste and rinsed his mouth quickly and Sanghyuk followed shortly. “I’ll get you some clothes to sleep in.” He said and disappeared out the door. Taekwoon tried to fix his hair, which he still deemed too long for him. It wasn’t working with him at that length, the ends passing his jaw and the volume giving it a wavy look he thought made him look like he was trying too hard. He ran his hand through it, trying to get it out of his face, but it all fell back as if he’d used a fixing spray. He huffed at his reflection, resting his hands on his hips in annoyance.

“Here you go.” Sanghyuk was beside him suddenly, grinning when the older jumped at the sound of his voice, with a pair of gray sweats and a black, worn-looking t-shirt. He accepted the clothes with a soft “Thanks” and Sanghyuk started walking out again. “I’ll change in my room.”

The clothes were soft and comforting and just a tiny bit big for him, but that was how he liked it. The shirt smelled strongly of Sanghyuk, as well as fabric softener. The smell surrounded him and he felt a tiny tingle in his gut as it did. It made him frown, not quite understanding why it happened.

He padded barefoot to Sanghyuk’s room next door with his own clothes in his hands and found the younger sitting at his desk tapping away on his phone. It reminded Taekwoon that he had to let Thomas know that he wasn’t at the hotel, but then thought better of it. He would have to go back to the hotel to change back into a suit before going to work anyway. He walked over to the bed and sat down on it, questioning in his head for the first time where he would sleep. Surely not on the too soft sofa?

As if on cue; Sanghyuk set his phone down and plugged it into a charger, and turned his chair to face his guest. “Do you mind sharing my bed?” He asked, expressionless. Taekwoon shrugged. “Sure.”

They had shared beds several times before, the two of them or sometimes with Jaehwan too, during the many sleepovers Taekwoon would do at their home. He had always felt more at home with their family compared to his own, more so after all his older sisters had moved out and he was left alone with his parents. He figured this would be no different, but as he moved his way towards the side of the bed that aligned the wall and Sanghyuk climbed in beside him in a gray t-shirt and a pair of Nike sweatshorts, he could feel the heat coming from his body and smell him everywhere. He turned on his side to face the wall as he felt his heartbeat pick up and his cheeks flush.

_What’s going on?_ He thought, his heartbeat loud in his ears. For a moment, he thought Sanghyuk would notice and it sped up even more, but the younger settled to sleep on his back beside him. “Night, Hyung.” He said and the room went quiet as Taekwoon stared at the wall intensely.

The bed was very big so they were nowhere close to touching each other, but Taekwoon still felt as if the other was right there up against his back, the sound of his breathing right beside his ear and the smell of him right beneath his nostrils. It felt good, in a strange way, but he didn’t understand why he was feeling that way. He always figured he saw Sanghyuk as his little brother, just like he did with Jaehwan. He’d felt protective of him his entire life, he teased him like a little brother and they had shared rooms and beds like brothers in their childhood. What had changed?

Four years had passed. During which he hadn’t spoken or written to Sanghyuk even once. He’d only heard how he was doing through Jaehwan. Sanghyuk had changed in a lot of ways during those years and it was like he was getting to know a new person, even though the same Sanghyuk he knew before was still there too – beneath the surface and in his playful eyes. This Sanghyuk was bolder, more confident and the way he acted towards Taekwoon was very different from before, he realized as he thought about it. Sanghyuk had always been a little careful around him, as if afraid of making him angry. He would laugh nervously whenever Taekwoon exploded from Jaehwan taking jokes too far, even though he had never acted properly angry towards or around any of them. Only Jaehwan had seen him properly angry, and that had been maybe once.

His heartbeat had calmed down as Sanghyuk’s breathing evened out and suggested he had fallen asleep. Finally relaxed; Taekwoon turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling instead.

The last three days had made him realize that maybe he didn’t know Sanghyuk as well as he thought he did back then. He felt like he should have paid more attention to him, like he felt like he should have known Sanghyuk had been taking German language classes. Were there more things about him he should have known? To him the sudden decision to move to Germany to study architecture had been a massive surprise, while Jaehwan had barely reacted to it. Like it had been his plan all along and Taekwoon didn’t even know about it. All he had known was that Sanghyuk enjoyed sketching buildings in his free time. He had even gifted him a notebook to sketch in, to encourage him. He wondered if he still had that sketchbook. If he’d ever even used it. He felt tempted to go check, almost forgetting he would have to get past the younger on the bed to even get out of it.

He wanted to know more about him, he knew that now. He wanted to show that he cared. He felt guilty for not realizing it before.

\--

Taekwoon’s alarm woke him up with a violent start. He had left his Korean phone on the makeshift bedside table before going to bed and it was mercilessly screaming at him to get up and go back to the hotel and change. He had to crawl across the bed in order to reach it, his entire body feeling so heavy he could barely move his arms. He pressed the first button he could reach and collapsed face-down onto Sanghyuk’s pillow.

_Where was Sanghyuk?_

He groaned and turned his head so he could see towards the door of the room. It was left open, but only a little, and when he concentrated he could hear the sound of a shower running. There was a whiff of coffee smell traveling the air as well; all the encouragement he needed to roll himself off the edge of the bed until he sat on the floor, running a hand through his hair. He couldn’t hear the shower anymore. He rubbed his eyes.

“You up?” Sanghyuk appeared in the door opening and Taekwoon turned to look at him. The younger was standing there in only a towel around his waist and drying his hair with another, and Taekwoon suddenly felt extremely awake. His eyes widened before he could stop himself.

“Almost.” He forced out, then winced at how strangled he sounded. He looked away, focusing on his hands finding grip on the bed beside him so he could pull himself up to a stand. Sanghyuk strode over to his closet and put on some sweatshorts and a crewneck sweater.

“I made you some coffee. Do you need to leave right away?” Sanghyuk asked. Taekwoon smiled at how kind he was and when he came over to him he let his fingers take some of the rogue strands of his stark white hair out of his eyes.

“I have time for some coffee.” He answered. Sanghyuk chuckled quietly.

“I thought you might.” He said and smiled playfully.

Over coffee, sitting at the kitchen island, he made Sanghyuk tell him about his school and how he liked it. Sanghyuk told him about the challenges when he first arrived and about his first dorm with a horrible roommate from China who seemed to have decided to hate him even before they knew each other’s names. He told him about the inspiring professors and how much he had improved in drawing and how much he loved making models of his creations. He only had less than a year left before his entire education was over and he felt ready to get out there and start some real projects.

“We have a big project this semester, our first one where we actually make something real. We’re renovating an old factory outside of town, to make a concert hall and art gallery. The location is absolutely wicked, I wish I could show you.”

“I’d love to see your sketches of it.” Taekwoon said, finishing his second cup of coffee. It was time to leave, he was already late. But still; he wanted to stay. He’d always loved looking at Sanghyuk’s sketches and he was curious about how his style might have changed and improved. It always made the younger a little embarrassed when he complimented him, but he could tell he loved it by how his face lit up every time he said he wanted to see them. That day was no different.

“I have them at school, but I’ll bring them home after my lecture tonight.”

Taekwoon nodded and got up from his seat. “I have to get going.”

“My lecture is quite late so I can’t hang out tonight.” Sanghyuk said as he got up as well. “Sorry.” He added with a guilty expression. Taekwoon shook his head.

“It’s fine. We’ll find something to do tomorrow.” The next day would be a Saturday and he would have the day off, as far as he knew. Kang Sora had told him there were no office hours on weekends at their company.

“I’ll text you.” Sanghyuk said, handing him the clothes he had arrived in the day before.

\--

He barely had enough time to change once he was back at his hotel room, before he had to be in the lobby and join Thomas to the office. He ended up fixing his tie and tucking his shirt in the elevator down, stress clawing at his throat for fear of being late. He hated being late when the people he was meeting wasn’t anyone close to him. He hated the shame it made him feel.

The elevator chimed for the main lobby floor and he took one last glance at the watch on his phone before putting it in his pocket. He had made it with one single minute to spare. Sweat had formed on his forehead and his head felt itchy with discomfort. He powerwalked to the exit with his long, lanky legs and welcomed the cool air outside with a sigh of relief. Thomas wasn’t there yet.

Even after Thomas had picked him up and lead a cheerful conversation about where they would take him to dinner that night, since he had no other plans, and Kang Sora had calmly greeted him when he arrived at the office and they had their own brief meeting to prepare him for the day’s agenda, Taekwoon couldn’t find it in himself to calm down the entire day. He was exhausted by the end of all the meeting and he had to decline the offer of coming to dinner, excusing himself to jetlag.

It was only when he arrived at his hotel room that evening, after closing the door and letting his back fall against it behind him as he slid down to the floor, that he felt like he could breathe properly again.

He sat like that for several minutes, making himself take long, deep breaths. He let his mind go numb and eventually blank, calming him down to a normal heartrate. Relaxed, he got up and ordered some room service for dinner; a simple pasta carbonara with a side salad. Then he walked out to the balcony for the first time and let the cold evening air embrace him. He always preferred cold weather to warm. He loved how it felt refreshing to his lungs and skin. How autumn winds would ruffle his hair and allow him to wear thick sweaters. It didn’t take long for him to feel cold, his office outfit still on and feeling sticky with sweat from the stressful day he’d had.

He tried to focus on how it had started instead of reminding himself of work. Sanghyuk making him coffee, telling him about his school with such energy and love, Sanghyuk in a towel-

He blushed.

He could remember every single detail of what he had seen above that low hanging towel around his waist. The hints of abs sticking out on a smooth belly, the clear muscles giving him a clearly outlined chest and the broad shoulders that had outgrown his own.

His heart almost stopped at the sound of knocking on his door and the worker calling out that room service had arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who have been reading my other fics, you know I always make a layout of the character’s apartments or homes and so on. RaHyukBin’s apartment is no different, so let me know if you’re interested in me uploading the layout in the next update ^_^


	6. Intrigued

_There's something more to you_  
_Than what I usually see_  
_On the side, on the side_  
_I'm intrigued by you_

_Intrigued – Nico & Vinz_

 

Taekwoon was having trouble concentrating at work. The presentations of the Berlin-based company were getting redundant and he was getting increasingly bored by the whole business in general. He was having so much fun with Sanghyuk. They had spent the weekend touring Berlin together and he had been shown Sanghyuk’s favorite spots all over the city, as well as his campus. The campus was a modern one, newly opened only two years prior and created by alumni students of the school. It had been an incredible experience to see it all through Sanghyuk’s eyes, as he pointed out all the important details and knew all the stories that turned an otherwise ‘just-another-glass-and-steel-building’ into a work of art. He had almost felt like a student again because he learned so many things he’d never even thought about before. The points along the paths where one was supposed to stop and look at the trick-eye effect made simply by perspective, one for each educational building on the campus, the trick of light when it met glass that created a mural only visible during certain times of the day in the Art Department building’s main hall, the way they had built it so the wind sounded like dreamy music in the concert hall, and Taekwoon’s favorite; a mural made of recycled colored glass in the Architecture Department. The glass shards seemed to have been placed by random at first glance, but Sanghyuk had made him sit down a just stare at it for fifteen minutes while he fetched them some coffee, and slowly he started to see the many patterns that created several different images depending on how you looked at it. By the time he finished his cup of coffee he had found five different motives, but Sanghyuk said he had once found eight.

“Everything around it has an influence on what you’re able to see. The light, the people walking around in the room, where you’re sitting and yourself.” The younger had told him, eyes shining with the joy of sharing something incredible. What he loved about the mural was that philosophical meaning it carried. The influence of everything around it making it look different to different people.

Berlin was a beautiful city and he was starting to see why Sanghyuk loved living there so much. He had been taken to parks, galleries and museums to learn and get to know the city through Sanghyuk’s enthusiastic guidance. It had left him feeling like an exhausted old man every night, but the joy it brought Sanghyuk to show him around was worth it all.

There had been times he had forgotten to look where Sanghyuk pointed, too busy smiling at him instead, taking in the beauty of his life force. His aura, one could say. It wasn’t just his shockingly stark white hair that made him look so bright in Taekwoon’s eyes; it was how he simply seemed to radiate energy. He sucked it in like a drug and it got him through those long days of walking and talking, making it feel like a breeze as he did it.

He didn’t even notice himself staring until Sanghyuk turned to see his reaction to something he was pointing out, only to find Taekwoon staring at him instead. He frowned. “ _LOOK.”_ He would say, pointing again, and Taekwoon would start out of his stupor and look to what he was pointing, a blush creeping up his cheeks as he did.

Sanghyuk had dragged him across the whole city just to make him taste the best ice cream he knew of. Apparently, it was Italian, but Taekwoon wasn’t paying enough attention to be sure. He always felt a step behind that day, but it didn’t bother him in the least. He let the younger lead him as he pleased, showing him all his wonders.

"What's your favourite flavour?" Sanghyuk asked him while they studied the vast selection of ice cream.

"Vanilla."

"That's boring."

Taekwoon shot him a look. "I like it. You can put anything on it and it tastes good."

"Ohh so you're a sprinkles guy?" Sanghyuk answered and his face suggested he was amused. This teasing version of Sanghyuk was new to Taekwoon and it still caught him off guard.

"What's yours?"

"I always get two. Salt roasted almonds and chocolate. I read somewhere that if you mix chocolate and salt it's like crack for your brain." Sanghyuk chuckled. "I get it. I'm addicted. Wanna try?"

"I don't want to get addicted." Taekwoon teased back with a small smile and Sanghyuk chuckled again.

"Alright, you get your vanilla then, Sprinkles." Sanghyuk teased and shouldered him. The force of his shoulder surprised Taekwoon and he almost lost his balance. Once he caught himself he slapped a hand on the others shoulder.

"I will."

“Mr. Jung.”

The ice cream had been delicious. They found some picnic tables in a small park nearby the ice cream shop and as they sat there in a comfortable silence, protected by the sun in the shade of a tree, they looked around and listened to the sound of traffic and birds and water running in a fountain and stole small bites of ice cream from each other when the other wasn’t looking.

“Mr. Jung? Are you allright?”

Taekwoon gasped as he was thrown back into reality and the room filled with businessmen and lawyers he was currently in.

“Can we get you anything?” The man in front of him asked kindly. Taekwoon stared at him, shame and horror creeping up his spine like a monster climbing up to eat his brain, as he realised he had let him mind wander way too far during an important meeting. He had let himself get distracted too easily.

He cleared his throat.

“I think I-“ His voice cracked, making his stomach drop in embarrassment, and he cleared his throat again. “I think I need a small break.” He struggled to find an excuse that made sense. “It’s-“ He huffed, starting to get out of his seat. “It’s jetlag, I’m terribly sorry, I must have been more tired than I realised.” He excused. The many men and women in the room nodded in synchronised understanding, making Taekwoon question the reality of the scene. Could he be dreaming? The situation certainly seemed nightmarish enough, and his daydream of the weekend before had been so vivid. It was as if he had relived it.

Kang Sora opened the door for him and he stalked out, giving the room a bow from instinct first, making his way to the closest restroom he could remember. He could hear Sora’s footsteps behind him as he rushed and it made him want to scream at her to leave him alone. Instead he threw himself into the men’s room and into an empty stall and sat down on a toilet seat so hard it made a bang echo in the tiled room. He was breathing heavily and his tie felt too tight. He loosened it and felt sweet, precious air fill his lungs as he calmed down slowly.

He took deep breaths, counting the seconds. _1 2 3 4 5, exhale…_

He didn’t handle embarrassment well. It always made him lose control of himself and he loathed it. He would either lash out or try his best to run away or hide. He hated people seeing him all flushed and panting and sweating-

He couldn’t bear thinking of going back to that room again. To face the serious men and women dressed in serious suits and having a serious discussion that he should be in 200%, he should be doing his job but instead he’s daydreaming.

Disappointment in himself cloaks him like a cloud covering the sun and he feels his shoulders collapse as he curls up on the toilet seat like a little boy. A wave of self-hatred he had not felt in a very long time washed over him and he heard himself gasp quietly at the force of it.

He made his best effort to push it away, and he managed to gather himself up again, but the damage on his confidence was already done. For the first time since arriving he thought he might not be up for this job after all. He just wasn’t professional enough to not let his private life invade his career, he thought.

He studied his face in the mirror when he got out of the stall and made his way to the sinks to wash his face and freshen up a bit before facing Sora, who was most likely waiting for him outside the door. His face was drawn and tired. His eyes looked tired, his hair looked tired, overall he looked pretty exhausted.

He leaned forward, staring himself in the eyes with a hard, stern look. “Get your shit together.” He told his reflection. Then he closed his eyes, took one last deep breath and washed his hands in cold water.

\--

Kang Sora had told him they had rescheduled the meeting. She showed no sign or indication that it was a problem, but a bad feeling was gnawing at Taekwoon’s gut. He just felt so incredibly stupid and unprofessional. She had sent him back to the hotel and he had gladly accepted. He threw himself on his bed the moment the entered the hotel room, not even bothering to take off his coat.

He lay there for what felt like hours, just staring at the window and the view, letting his mind empty with all the thoughts he had racing. His mind was being cruel to him and he was letting it be because he felt like he deserved it. Thoughts like “you’re pathetic” and “useless” rang on repeat like punches and he let them all hit him until he had almost drifted asleep. Then the phone rang. A loud screaming that automatically made him cover his ears. It wasn’t his cellphone, or the German phone, it was the hotel phone on the bedside table.

After the initial shock, he sat up on the edge of the bed and answered.

“Yes?” His voice sounded like he had been sleeping.

“Sir, there is a Mr. Han asking for your room number in the lobby. Should I ask him to leave?” The receptionist told him. He frowned, confused. _Mr. Han?_

The he remembered Jaehwan and Sanghyuk had different last names. Sanghyuk had just never used his around Taekwoon. He was so used to thinking of Jaehwan as a _Lee_ he had completely forgot.

“Tell him my room number, please. I know him.” He answered right before the receptionist was about to speak again. “Thank you.” He added and hung up.

He sprang up from bed and took off his coat, his spirits immediately lifted. He almost wanted to go out in the hall and wait for him by the elevators, but then thought better of it. Instead he washed his face quickly with cold water and removed his tie.

Sanghyuk gave his door three quick knocks. Taekwoon walked over and felt anticipation rise as he opened the door. He knew Sanghyuk would make him feel a bit better.

“Hey!” The younger beamed the moment he saw Taekwoon’s face. Taekwoon cracked a relieved smile, letting the feeling seep into him.

“Hey.”

Sanghyuk looked him up and down as if he was scanning him.

“You look terrible.”

Taekwoon’s face fell and that made Sanghyuk laugh softly.

“I mean you look tired. Did you sleep at all? Or do you just drink coffee and hope for the best?” He teased, making his way into the room. Taekwoon sighed.

“It’s been a rough day.” He said, closing the door behind him and leaning his back against it. He didn’t like being reminded, but it wasn’t to be avoided when it, apparently, was so obvious. Sanghyuk sat down on the edge of his bed so he faced him. His teasing expression had been replaced by one of slight worry.

“Is work bothering you?”

“Something like that.” He didn’t really want to talk about it.

“It must be hard being sent here alone to deal with something so important. And here I am dragging you around all over the place when you should be resting and focusing on your job.”

Taekwoon felt himself flinch. It was only a spasm in his brow but the other seemed to catch on, because he frowned.

“I’m bothering you, aren’t I? Should I go?” Sanghyuk mumbled in question.

Taekwoon felt himself hesitate. He wanted to run away from the conversation but he didn’t want him to leave.

“I should go.” Sanghyuk rushed to a conclusion before Taekwoon could make up his mind and tell him to stay. He wanted him to stay. Instead the younger was already up and on his way to put his shoes back on.

“No, stay.” Taekwoon told him softly and Sanghyuk let go of the shoe he had grabbed. He looked up at Taekwoon, eyes reading his face frantically.

“Let’s order room service. I need-“ He struggled with the words because he was rushing to get his point through before Sanghyuk could get away from him. Even though he was standing still and listening it felt as if he would be gone if he just blinked. “I need a distraction.” He finalised. He saw Sanghyuk visibly relax and offered a smile to the younger. He stepped towards him and let his hand ruffle his white, fluffy hair. He hadn’t styled it that day and it felt incredibly soft with no products in it. He let the strands tickle the skin between his fingers. “Let’s talk about something else.” He said finally.

Sanghyuk nodded and started to walk around the apartment. Taekwoon only stood there, arms hugging each other, not quite knowing where to put himself.

“This place is pretty neat! Do they pay for it all?” Sanghyuk said as he emerged from the bathroom. Taekwoon nodded.

“Nice.” Sanghyuk smirked. “Do they pay for room service too?”

This made Taekwoon smile. “Yep.” He said, making the ‘p’ pop. Sanghyuk’s smirk grew larger.

“Let’s order something expensive.”

They ordered lasagna with side salads to the room and huddled up in the loveseat by the window, both sitting with their crossed and facing each other so they could use the sofa’s back as a table and enjoy the view while they ate and talked. Sanghyuk told him of his own chaotic morning thanks to an alarm that never rang and how he tried to sneak unnoticed into his lecture, only to knock over a chair in the process and making absolutely every student in the lecture hall turn around to look at him.

“I wanted to just turn around and run right out of there, but the professor had already seen me, there was no way back.” He smiled as he told the story and Taekwoon laughed at the images it created in his mind. Honestly, he would have loved to see it himself.

They quieted down as they finished the food in silence, gazing at the beautiful night view. Taekwoon found himself lost in thought again when his lasagna and salad was gone, staring out the window and thinking of how he would have to step up his game the next day if he was going to do his job properly. He didn’t notice Sanghyuk quietly watching him, head resting on his palm and arm leaning against the back of the sofa.

“Hyung.”

Taekwoon started out of his thoughts and looked at the frowning face Sanghyuk was making.

“Is everything okay? I mean, you seem so out of it today.”

Taekwoon sighed. “It’s just work, Hyuk-ah. I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry.”

“I do though.” A pause. “Worry, I mean.”

Taekwoon’s chest tightened and affection washed over him, his body feeling as if it was about to move on its own. He felt a pull towards the other that he couldn’t explain, but he resisted and sat still.

“It’s fine, I promise. I got a wake-up call today is all.” He tried to assure him, giving a small smile. He was tired, so tired he didn’t think he’d be able to move from the sofa to the bed at that point. He just felt so heavy and completely unable to move in any other direction than into Sanghyuk’s welcoming lap right in front of him.

“You can do it. Whatever it is. I know you can. You never back down or give up. Ever. I know that for sure.” Sanghyuk’s hand came to his knee as he spoke, petting it to emphasize his words. His hand was warm to the touch. Every time it came in contact with his knee it flared up like a bonfire. Taekwoon watched it in awe, eyelids heavy and tired.

“Hey.” Sanghyuk’s voice was suddenly by his ear, soft and low and goosebumps spread like wildfire across his neck as his breath tickled him.

“What?” He asked drowsily.

“Don’t fall asleep on the sofa, you’ll catch a cold.”

“Okay.” He answered but didn’t make any move. Sanghyuk chuckled into his ear and he whined at how much his breath tickled him. It almost made him shiver.

“Come on.” Arms were around him and suddenly he was standing. “Your bed is _right_ there, let’s go.”

He felt himself walk and he could see the bed in some hazy distance. Suddenly he fell forward and then he was enveloped in softness. He curled up and hummed at how comfortable it was. In the distance he could hear another chuckle.

“You’re like a big baby sometimes, you know that?” He heard but it was so faint and drifting further and further away.

“I’ll text you tomorrow, alright?”

Taekwoon grunted.

“Right. Good night.”

“Night.” He mumbled back, only barely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The layout mentioned in the last chapter has been uploaded to my Tumblr: http://thelostviking.tumblr.com/


	7. Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware it has been forever. I'm not giving up on this fic, I swear, it's just taking its good old time leaving my head and fingers. Add life being hectic to that and you have yourself some slowslow updates. I really hope you guys love the way things are going, though ;)

_Love takes some time to bloom_  
When it’s right, it’ll find you  
“Lost  & Found” – The Midnight

Taekwoon was determined to learn from his wake-up call. He was in Berlin for an important business contract and his company was relying on him giving it his full attention to make sure it would go seamlessly. His company was relying on him and he spent his meetings daydreaming. His stomach turned unpleasantly at the thought. So much was resting on his shoulders and he had almost let it tip over and fall to the ground.

Balance was the keyword. Balance. He needed to balance his work and his free time better.

The elevator doors opened, and he stepped out into the hotel lobby, his eyes automatically searching for Thomas but instead finding the familiar face of Kang Sora.

“Good morning Mr. Jung. How are you feeling?” She greeted him softly, handing him a hot cup of coffee he recognized as Starbucks. He accepted the cup, blushing a little at her question due to his behavior the day before.

“I’m feeling better, thank you.” He took a careful sip to check the coffee’s temperature. It was almost too hot, in other words; perfect. “I’m sorry for inconveniencing you and the others yesterday, I was feeling worse than I anticipated.” He told her, giving her a half bow in apology. “I will do better.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it Mr. Jung, they were all very sympathetic and gladly accepted to postpone the meeting ‘til today.” She told him, flustered, trying to make him straighten up as he bowed down. Taekwoon felt relief from hearing that, letting himself relax a little and accepted her offer to buy him lunch later that day.

“Let’s go. Thomas is waiting in the car.” She told him, gesturing his towards the exit with a warm, friendly smile that made him feel at ease. He nodded, sipped his coffee and walked out of the hotel feeling a lot lighter than he had just minutes ago.

\--

“There’s something that smells fishy here, Taekwoon-ah, I’m telling you. They’re being way too lenient on you for this to be real. You need to watch out, alright? Trust my words.” His superior, Shin Sungrok, told him with hard eyes through the screen on his company laptop.

Taekwoon was back at his hotel room after eating dinner with the other lawyers, after spending the entire workday in a meeting room, discussing the contract proceedings. He had just reported back to his superior about the meeting, expecting him to be pleased but that hadn’t been the case.

“Sunbae. The contract is equally beneficial to both parties, of course they’re pleased! Isn’t that what we’re trying to accomplish here?” He argued back, years of working under the strict but kind man having taught him that he wouldn’t get anywhere in an argument without a backbone.

“It is, but the natural thing here would be to work towards a contract than benefits them _just_ a little bit more, just to test the grounds. But as you’re saying they have been very cooperative the entire time you’ve been there and agreed to just about anything you’ve offered them, right? It smells bad, Taekwoon-ah, real bad.” Sungrok looked genuinely worried, so Taekwoon took a deep breath and let his tired brain work in silence for a moment. Sungrok studied him in silence, knowing his hoobae enough to wait.

“I will review the contracts once more. Every single sentence. Thoroughly.” Taekwoon’s pride hurt a little from saying those words. While he knew Sungrok was right, he wished he would’ve noticed it himself.

“Good. Call me when you’re done. Before you arrange another meeting, ok? When is your next schedule?” Sungrok’s voice was lighter now. Relieved.

“We have another meeting in two days.”

“Good, then you have some time to work on it. Call me tomorrow night and I’ll help you with whatever you might find, ok?”

“Yeah. Thank you Sunbae-nim.”

“Did you eat yet?”

“Yeah I ate dinner with the lawyers after the meeting.”

“Good, get some rest and don’t start on this until you have a fresh and rested mind tomorrow. You’re going to need your head.” Sungrok’s warm and caring voice spoke to him like a loving father and it made Taekwoon feel a lot better. Sungrok only ever spoke like that to his teenage son and Taekwoon, a fact Taekwoon chose to be proud of. His job was challenging and tiring, but Sungrok made it easier.

“Good night, Sunbae.”

They ended the video call and Taekwoon immediately turned off the laptop to make sure he didn’t linger on the contract documents. Worry was breeding within him and he was doing his best to make sure it didn’t surface and steal away his calm. He needed to sleep early to make sure he was rested. Sungrok was right; he would need all his energy to properly review and nit-pick at the contracts the next day. He was grateful they had given him a full day to himself before he had to go to another meeting.

After washing up and dressing down to his briefs for sleep he let himself fall backwards on top of the bedsheets and watched the ceiling as his mind wandered. He hadn’t contacted Sanghyuk all day, he realized. The day had flown by and suddenly it had become too late. He knew deep inside the same would have to happen the next day. He would work on the contracts the entire day at the office, get some kind of simple dinner and then video call Sungrok after. Another day would go by without seeing Sanghyuk, just like that.

It was upsetting.

He wanted to see him.

He sat up, trying to think of where he had left the German phone. Maybe Sanghyuk had texted him without him noticing?

He found it in the pocket of his coat hanging in the wardrobe by the door. He quickly pressed a random button and the screen lit up, hurting his eyes in the darkness. No messages, no calls.

It stung a little. He had secretly been hoping Sanghyuk had thought of him and messaged him since he hadn’t contacted Sanghyuk. He huffed, embarrassed, and walked back to the bed with the phone in hand. His mind was racing, trying to make sense of what he was feeling. It had only been a day since they saw each other, why was he expecting Sanghyuk to contact him so soon? Why was he so disappointed when he didn’t? Why hadn’t he contacted Sanghyuk himself?

He had been too busy and too distracted to think of anything else. The excuse tasted rotten in his mouth.

He was on his back on the bed again, holding up the phone above his face and stared at it.

Was Sanghyuk trying to give him some distance because of the night before?

That would make sense, he thought to himself, frowning.

Sanghyuk was right; he needed to concentrate on work more, but he also wanted to be with Sanghyuk as much as possible before leaving.

He huffed and tossed his body around to lie on his side, arm tired from holding the phone. He dropped it down beside his head, watching it and unconsciously waiting for it to vibrate.

Nothing.

He stared harder.

The phone’s screen remained dark.

He wanted Sanghyuk to barge into his room and steal his attention, so he didn’t have to feel guilty for giving it away willingly. This fact annoyed him greatly. Who was he to push the blame over on Sanghyuk just so he could breathe more comfortably?

An ass, that’s what he was acting as.

He sat up, grabbing the phone with him. Quickly, before he could change his mind, he typed a message and sent it without even checking the spelling, then immediately put the phone away on the nightstand and scrambled under the covers.

_I’m buying you dinner tomorrow. Come meet me at the hotel at 6._

_\--_

The very first thing he did when the alarm woke him up the next morning was to check the phone for answers.

_Ooooh, somewhere fancy? I’ll be there!_

His face broke into a bright smile and he was already anticipating their dinner. He wasn’t sure where he would take him, but he was sure the hotel receptionist could inform him of any good, nearby places to get dinner. He didn’t have much time, but they would have _some,_ and that was the important part.

He more or less jumped out of bed and got himself ready for a challenging day spent alone in an office with only him and his laptop. For the first time in days he felt prepared for the challenge. For once he was up early enough the enjoy the hotel breakfast, so starkly different from his usual breakfast at home; rice with soup and sometimes an egg added for luxury. The hotel served the typical continental breakfast with lots of options but none of which was something he was used to eat in the morning. He landed on cereal and a pastry bread after circling the buffet for several minutes, despite knowing it would leave him hungry all day.

He sat alone at a small table, his two phones left beside his bowl, so he could glance over at them every other minute. He had lots of time, but the clock showing on the Korean phone screen made him anxious of remaining too long. As if he didn’t watch it carefully time would suddenly jump forward, and he would end up late anyway.

In the end he ended up having to wait for Thomas in the lobby for several minutes until the friendly man drove up in front of the hotel right in time.

“Guten morgen!” Thomas chippered at him, flashing his handsome smile as Taekwoon sat down in the passenger seat. Taekwoon had gathered by then that Thomas knew he was a charmer, and knew how to wield it to his own advantage perfectly. Which was probably why he had been assigned to accompany Taekwoon around. It didn’t bother Taekwoon per se; Thomas seemed genuine and he was pleasant to be around.

“Good morning.” He greeted back, nodding instinctively.

“Will you join us for lunch today?” Thomas asked then, a question he asked every day.

“I’d love to, thank you.”

“I’ll take you to the office cafeteria today then, today’s Pizza day.” Thomas grinned, eyes on the intersection in front of him. “I personally recommend it.” He added.

\--

At the office Thomas found him a small meeting room and made sure to book it in their company network for two days, so no one would come disturb him while he worked. An ‘Occupied’ lamp lit up above the door to the room and Taekwoon was all set. The room was small, with a round group table surrounded by chairs and a whiteboard. One wall had a large window facing the rooftop garden of the neighbouring building. Settling himself; Taekwoon stacked all but one chair in a corner and set up his computer, spread out all his separate piles of notes, quickly stepped outside to pick up a cup of bland office coffee, and set to work.

He reviewed the contract and meeting notes carefully without a single break until his phone pinged with a message from Thomas reminding him of their lunch in fifteen minutes. By then his head was buzzing and felt heavy with information. He had indeed not been paying enough attention and, he needed more time to confirm it, the German company really was trying to persuade him into singing a deal that was more advantageous to them. He felt sick to his stomach thinking of how he had almost missed it, thanking his own gut for watching out for him. He was starving, but at the same time he wasn’t all too eager to face any company employees for the time being. There was a growing dread within him telling him they were all sent to make him…compliant.

\--

“Hyung…” Sanghyuk’s tone was worried and Taekwoon immediately felt guilty as he snapped out of his thoughts for the fourth or fifth time since they arrived at the restaurant. “Are you sure you don’t want to go back to the hotel and rest? You’re all out of it tonight…” His voice was soft and comforting. Taekwoon watched his mouth move.

“I’m sorry, Hyuk-ah…” He sighed, running a hand through his hair – messing it up, but he didn’t care. Sanghyuk frowned.

“Don’t be sorry.”

“I’ll wake up once I get some food, I promise.”

“I can take you back if you want, we can order in.” Sanghyuk offered, the frown refusing to budge. They had already ordered but the wait for the food was long, the hotel clerk had warned him. He had also said it was worth the wait. He wanted Sanghyuk to try it. He told himself he would feel better from watching Sanghyuk eat.

“I’m okay, really.” Taekwoon tried, but his voice wasn’t sounding very convincing. He stared at the lines of Sanghyuk’s frown and tried to will them away one by one. Sanghyuk watched him with worried eyes that spoke of guilt and anger at himself for making him feel that way rose within. He gulped down his entire glass of water in one go. A headache was growing in his frontal lobe. His eyes were hurting from staring at paper and screens all day. He was dreading his video call to Sungrok the next day.

“Fine. But I’m taking you back once we’ve eaten, or you’ll fall asleep at the table.”

A strictness Taekwoon had never experienced before rang in Sanghyuk’s tone. It perked him up a little; it had surprised him. The younger boy, no – man, looked at him with decision. Taekwoon would have no choice in the matter. He wasn’t in charge. He wasn’t responsible, Sanghyuk was.

He nodded, a little puzzled. “Okay.” He complied.

The food arrived. They had both ordered steak with a shared side of gratinated potatoes. The meat was perfectly cooked; juicy and tender, and the melted cheese on top of the potatoes got Taekwoon hooked. He munched it like candy, forgetting everything that worried him for a few minutes. It gave him the energy he needed to carry a conversation over the meal, while Sanghyuk was too busy munching to do much other than nod and make sounds of agreement or disagreement. Taekwoon found it amusing, and more than once he ended up flashing a smile or letting out a chuckle – much to Sanghyuk’s joy. It was visible how Sanghyuk’s mood improved with each sign of feeling better that Taekwoon gave away.

He was still tired. He felt it in his body; how hard it was to move, how much effort it took to stand up and put his jacket back on after the meal. But he felt good anyway when they exited the restaurant after finishing their shared banana split ice cream plate and paying a bill Taekwoon had not dared to look at. He had used his own card that night, scared his company would shame him for going to expensive restaurants with their company card. He was expected to use it, but not too much.

His mood had improved enough to talk Sanghyuk into coming up to the room before leaving. It was only after Sanghyuk had asked him if he was sure he didn’t want to go straight to bed at least five times, that the younger man had keeled over and agreed. Taekwoon didn’t want him to go just yet, and as they rode the elevator up to his floor he contemplated whether he could talk him into staying the night. He would like to return the favour from the night he slept in _his_ bed.

“Do you have any classes tomorrow?” He asked timidly, quietly, as if they were sharing the elevator with strangers, when they were – in fact – alone. Sanghyuk hummed in thought, seemingly counting the days in his head. Taekwoon almost wanted to tell him what day it was, but never got the chance.

“I have an evening class.” Sanghyuk said with a nod that said he had not been sure, but he was now.

The elevator chimed pleasantly, and the doors opened. They stepped out in unison, shoulders bumping a little through the opening. Sanghyuk gave him a look he couldn’t read, and it made him stutter in his step; falling out of the perfect pace they had until then. He fell a step behind so that when they reached his door, Sanghyuk stopped and leaned his side against the wall beside it – and just like that it was like Taekwoon had been struck by a spark of electricity.

 _Something_ jolted in his gut.

He didn’t know if it was the lighting or the surroundings or his tiredness that made it so; but Sanghyuk was leaning and his side profile was absolutely striking.

Breathtakingly beautiful, Taekwoon thought to himself as he fumbled for the key card in one of his many pockets. Sanghyuk had made him stop a step before the door, so he could enjoy the view while his card refused to be found by his right hand.

Sanghyuk had been looking at the door lock, an electronic pad on which you simply tapped your keycard, but now he turned to look at Taekwoon with a playful, single brow raised.

It was such a simple gesture, taking so little effort, and yet; it was making it hard to breathe for Taekwoon and he _had_ to look away and down on his jacket pockets.

“Did you lose the key?” Sanghyuk asked in a soft murmur, slight humour added to it.

“No, I just don’t remember which pocket.” Taekwoon said, huffing. He was turning red, he could feel it. He knew he had the key, so he wasn’t stressing about finding it and let his hands calmly check each layer of clothes’ pockets for the card. His breathing said otherwise, but that was for an entirely other reason that Sanghyuk thankfully did not know.

“Maybe your wallet.” Sanghyuk suggested. Taekwoon stopped moving.

“Of course.” He exclaimed softly, almost as a whisper, and flashed a smile to Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk gave a lazy side smile back. Taekwoon reached into the back of his jeans and slid out the card case he had slipped in there from habit after paying with his own card at the restaurant. He had avoided putting it there whenever he was abroad, but he had done it without thinking earlier.

One beep later and they were in the hotel room, Sanghyuk borrowing the bathroom for a bit and Taekwoon sprawled out on the bed in full clothing – only his shoes off by the door. He stared at the door to the bathroom. His heart was still beating pretty fast and it was hammering his chest from the inside, like it wanted out. On one hand; he knew what was happening to him and it had happened before. On the other hand; he was trying his best not to think about it.

He was only there for three more weeks.

He didn’t know how Sanghyuk felt.

He was absolutely terrified of doing something stupid.

Taekwoon had his fair share of regrets. His first encounter with another gay man was one of them, but he had come to terms with it over the years and with the help and support from Jaehwan. But there were several more, big and small, that had him hoping he wouldn’t do anything to add to his list. He _really_ didn’t want to do something he would regret. Then again; would not doing anything make him regret even more? That was a question he would rather not think about, he realised and huffed.

Then Sanghyuk came back out with his leather jacket slung over his arm, his plain white Henley shirt unbuttoned and his face still dripping from splashing his face with water, and Taekwoon knew he didn’t really have a choice in the matter at all.


	8. The Good Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so regarding the ending of the last chapter and to make sure you don’t get confused: This is what a plain, white Henley shirt looks like:   
> https://m.media-amazon.com/images/S/aplus-seller-content-images-us-east-1/ATVPDKIKX0DER/A1FWALUW7JMUM2/B00TJUURCS/5p4LN6aET6Sq._UX300_TTW__.JPG

_I'm sure we'll meet in the spring_

_And catch up on everything_

_I'll say I'm proud of all that you've done_

_You taught me the ropes, and you taught me to love_

_“The Good Side” – Troye Sivan_

 

Taekwoon lay completely still on his bed, staring without blinking at Sanghyuk drying his face with the long sleeves of his cotton shirt. His throat was suddenly completely dry, but he had no words to say anyway.

“Can I stay over? It’s quite late.” Sanghyuk asked him like it was the most casual question in the world. To Taekwoon it suddenly didn’t. His mind raced, and he tried to move his mouth to form words. Failing; he nodded with a hum. Sanghyuk gave him a grateful smile in return.

They stayed like that for several minutes. Taekwoon staring at Sanghyuk while on his back on the bed, his several layers on clothes and his coat making him feel overheated, and Sanghyuk’s eyes resting on him – the remnants of his smile stile lingering on his mouth and eyes.

Sanghyuk sighed and looked away, then walked over to the window covered wall to appreciate the view. He folded his arms across his chest and stood there for a long time. Meanwhile Taekwoon closed his eyes in an attempt to calm his thoughts. His head hurt, and he was still exhausted. He really didn’t want to get up again and change into sleepwear. Plus; there were too many worries on his mind. He tried his best to avoid them; to focus his thoughts on right now rather than earlier or later. Even though Sanghyuk was behind him and he could hear the faint sound of his steady breathing as he admired the view, he didn’t turn himself to look. Keeping his eyes closed; he pictured him.

The new Sanghyuk he had come to know over the few days he had been there so far. The city lights blaring through the windows as the background. The silhouette of his back towards him, arms crossed and his stark white hair shining like a lightbulb.

He opened his eyes, his image replaced by the view of the plain white roof of his hotel room. He sat up, using energy he didn’t have, and turned his head to look. Sanghyuk was looking at him too. His brows were furrowed, making him look like he was thinking of something that troubled him. He was looking at Taekwoon like he was trying to find something in his expression. Like he was reading something that was _just_ out of sight.

Without speaking, Taekwoon opened up his expression – inviting Sanghyuk to talk. As if he was asking him “What is it?”. Sanghyuk turned his body so he was facing him fully now, no longer turned halfway towards the window.

“Hyung.”

Taekwoon hummed, the side of his mouth turning upwards a tiny bit to encourage him to keep going.

“Are you still in love with Jaehwan?”

Nothing could have prepared him for that question, even if given a cue sheet beforehand. His mouth dropped open just enough for all the air inside him to escape like Sanghyuk had popped a balloon in his chest.

“What?” He exclaimed as he inhaled, the sound making it sound choked up.

He was genuinely confused. He did love Jaehwan, but he somehow knew immediately that the kind of love for him that he felt was not the kind Sanghyuk was asking about. It was something about the tone. About his plagued expression. The furrow in his brows that Taekwoon so desperately wanted to smooth away with his finger.

Sanghyuk was reading his silence wrong, for his body turned tense and something changed in his eyes as he studied Taekwoon’s reaction. Taekwoon had to force himself to react.

“Sanghyuk-“ He started, but was quickly cut off. Sanghyuk blushed, a hand coming up to run through his hair, making it wild and untamed. He was no longer looking at Taekwoon, and that pained him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Of course you do! You always have. Why would you stop now-” Sanghyuk rambled on. He looked at Taekwoon again, his eyes looking mildly panicked but also… sad. “right?” He ended softly, his voice sounding like it was stolen away at the last letter. Sanghyuk swallowed hard.

Taekwoon was still breathing through his mouth, utterly incapable of figuring out where to begin an answer. He felt like he had to explain it all from the very beginning; how Jaehwan felt like a brother, always had and always would be. How he loved him, but like family. How could he explain that without making Sanghyuk assume his feelings for him were the same, but without exposing his true feelings and possibly scaring him away?

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes as he did. He felt his heart hammering in his chest, his headache pulsing in his temple, his throat was dry from breathing through it. He held it, counting to 5, then exhaled.

“Come here.” He said softly, tapping the bed beside him. Sanghyuk hesitated, but after biting and licking his lips a few times he obeyed. He looked younger again when he stood there, or maybe more like his real age. While they cruised around in Berlin he seemed older than himself, somehow.

Taekwoon could see as Sanghyuk sat down that he was just about bursting with things he wanted to say to steer away the conversation. He was expecting Taekwoon to tell him something he really didn’t want to hear. And Taekwoon’s relief over knowing that the younger was wrong was the only real reason he felt able to tell him.

“I’ve known Jaehwan my entire life.” He started when Sanghyuk was seated beside him, both staring at the white wall in front of them. “And he has saved me and my life more times than I can count on two hands.”

Sanghyuk sighed.

“When he talked your parents into letting me live in your home for an entire year, I felt like I could never repay him. I will always be there for him, no matter what.”

He glanced over and Sanghyuk had his eyes closed as if he was about to get hit.

“He’s like a brother to me, Sanghyuk-ah. Always was.”

Sanghyuk opened his eyes and looked at him. To Taekwoon, his expression was unreadable other than the fact that a disarray of thoughts and emotions were making their way through Sanghyuk’s mind.

“Oh.” He exclaimed after a bit and Taekwoon had to look away to keep himself from blushing at how cute he looked with that expression on his face and his lips formed into a perfect ‘O’.

Then Sanghyuk let out an agonized groan and hid his head in his hands. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….”

Taekwoon couldn’t help but chuckle. Relief was washing over him, his heartrate calming down a bit. He let his hand find its way to Sanghyuk’s neck and let it rest there as Sanghyuk curled himself forward in embarrassment.

“How long have you been thinking this?” Taekwoon asked him, unable to hide the slight amusement over his reaction.

“Since the day Jaehwan brought you to our house saying your Dad threw you out on the street for being gay.” Sanghyuk spoke into his hands, hiding. Taekwoon flinched at the mention of his father.

Taekwoon and his father had always had a strained relationship. He was the youngest child of three, but the only son his father had, and yet he was a soft and timid boy at best as a kid. Even though Taekwoon changed a lot through his teens; became a respected soccer player, participated in a number of sports and did well in all of them – his father never seemed to be able to shake off the preliminary impression he had of his son. They fought a lot; anger bouncing off the walls as they yelled at each other for hours, only to stop when his mother said it was time for bed or he wouldn’t be able to get up for school the next day. His mother was passive and ignored their dispute, no matter how unreasonable they could be towards each other. Around the time Taekwoon turned 18, he spilled the truth to his father. He wanted to hurt him right where his fear and suspicion lied. As a result, his father gave him a solid punch in the jaw and he was cast out and told never to come back. When he stepped out of his home for the last time in his life, Jaehwan stood on their porch waiting for him.

“I don’t know-“ Sanghyuk huffed. “I guess I just assumed as much then, and then you never dated anyone, and you obviously cared for him a lot so…”

He straightened and gave Taekwoon a sweet, apologetic look. “So, yeah…”

His hand was still resting on Sanghyuk’s neck, so Taekwoon brought it further down and patted his back comfortingly. “I’m sorry you misunderstood.”

Sanghyuk grimaced; another wave of embarrassment coming over him like it was bending his back by force. “Don’t be sorry. It’s not like you did anything wrong or anything.”

Taekwoon smiled at that and warm affection warmed his chest. He moved his hand to fix Sanghyuk’s wild hair back to the seemingly effortlessly styled way it had been. Meanwhile, Sanghyuk looked at him with a newfound calm. When Taekwoon was done and brought his hands back to his lap to rest, they both sighed in unison. The both stared at his hands for several heartbeats before Sanghyuk found his voice again.

“Am I-“ He started, tone high pitched and his voice almost cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again; “Am I like a brother to you too?”

Taekwoon had desperately hoped he wouldn’t ask that, and had closed his eyes the moment he realised the question was coming. When he opened his eyes again, he opened his mouth several times to speak but nothing that came up in his mind felt right on his tongue as he was about to say them – so he stopped himself. He saw an increasing worry in Sanghyuk beside him, which urged him on.

“It’s different.” He stumbled out in the end. And after a pause: “With you.”

Sanghyuk stays quiet. Taekwoon can’t take his eyes analysing him anymore and jumps up to a stand. He walks to the bathroom and closes the door behind himself without looking at the other.

He was so sure Sanghyuk would leave.

He stayed in the bathroom for a really long time, first staring blankly at the shower – originally thinking he would shower, but then ending up changing his mind and washing his face and brushing his teeth instead. The entire time his heart was galloping in his chest like a racehorse. He hadn’t even been direct about it, but he felt he had revealed _just_ too much.

Sanghyuk would realise, he thought, for sure he would. Then he would leave.

Like so many before him.

His chest ached at his own reflection in the mirror. He looked 10 years younger, but also 20 years older. Utterly. Terrified.

He spent more than five minutes staring and the door before he opened it, expecting an empty room. Instead; he saw Sanghyuk beneath the covers on his bed. Asleep.

When Taekwoon woke up the next morning after a restless sleep and his back turned to Sanghyuk beside him, he was relieved to find his headache gone and replaced by a deep, growling hunger. He realised he had woken up merely minutes before his alarm when he checked his phone for the time, and turned it off to avoid waking the other. Sanghyuk was making no sounds or signs of presence, but Taekwoon could _feel_ him behind himself. He could feel his body’s warmth, his weight on the bed, the way his heart pounded at having him so close after what he had indirectly admitted only hours before.

He rose, carefully. After relieving himself in the bathroom, he stood before the bed – hands on his hips, hairs falling into his face – and contemplated whether he would let the younger sleep and wake up in the room alone, or if he should wake him and bring him to the hotel breakfast. He huffed the hairs out of his face as he studied Sanghyuk’s boyish expression of sleep. His white hair was almost invisible against the white covers of the bed, and he must have had it dyed right before Taekwoon’s arrival because there were already several millimetres of dark hair appearing at its roots. He thought it made it look better. More natural. Less alien. He ran a hand through his own hair and sighed at the length of it. He really needed a haircut.

The peaceful expression on Sanghyuk’s face made up his mind. He left a note on the bedside table and dresses in the bathroom, then leaves the room quietly – careful not to slam the door.

\--

He couldn’t help but be a bit cold towards Thomas’ cheerful greeting when he drove up to the front of the hotel that morning. Taekwoon had mentally gone through all his discoveries from the day before during his breakfast, staring so intently at the wall in front of him, while chewing a piece of toast, that a waiter had come over and asked him if everything was alright. He had blushed and apologised from the surprise of being talked to, which had left him embarrassed and leaving before he was done and forced to stand waiting outside for Thomas to arrive.

Thomas’ smile faltered a tiny bit at Taekwoon’s colder than usual demeanour, and it felt a tiny bit satisfying. He wondered if him acting colder would make them suspicious of him having caught on and then make them change their own behaviour accordingly. But as they drove off towards the office, he shrugged off the thought and concentrated on his to-do list for the day and then prepare himself for the dreaded video call with Sungrok. He would have to think of a counter strategy to present to him.

Despite the ill fortuned events; he found himself motivated. Finally, something interesting was happening at work.

He considered himself lucky to have escaped the grasp of his father’s disapproval of him at the time he did, as it left him with a clearer mind of what he wanted to become. Of _who_ he wanted to become. He was done being in hiding from the people close to him, and he was done doing everything he could to please his father – only to be disappointed at his lack of interest in his actions and achievements. That was how he had ended up studying law.

His original dream had been to become a public defender; to protect the ones who could not afford the help of a paid lawyer. It was a job he imagined would bring him challenge and a sense of pride for helping others. But upon graduating he had been faced with the difficult truth: Without the support of his family, he could not afford to keep living in Seoul on a public defender’s salary. He had no savings and no financial support once he was graduated and his scholarship ended. That was how he ended up in the highly paid job as a legal advisor in a large corporation. It was a boring job, most of the time, but it involved a lot of traveling and challenges that kept him feeling alive. Now that he had come over the initial dread over his mistake, he had a feeling he might have a chance at turning it to his advantage.

He let Kang Sora take him to lunch at noon. He wasn’t sure where he she stood in the whole business. He at least wanted to grant her the benefit of doubt, for the time being. He no-nonsense, no-time-to-waste personality that had worn on him on most days, was welcome accompanying his built-up confidence over the day. Only half of the day had passed, but he was finally feeling like he had made sense of what he had missed so far. And his suspicions had been confirmed.

Now all he needed to do was make a strategy, add Sungrok’s input and fix the problem.

“You’re in a good mood today.” Sora commented while they studied the menus of the restaurant she had walked him to, only a block away from the office. She had argued she wanted to eat something healthy that day, and he could only agree.

He looked up from his menu in slight surprise, not having expected her to comment on it. He knew he seemed that way. He was feeling good when he exited his little temporary office, and the text he had received earlier from Sanghyuk had helped a great deal as well. The younger had responded to his note suggesting he’d come over to his apartment that evening, with “Thanks for not waking me. See you tonight!”

“I’m meeting up with an old friend tonight.” He responded, adding a smile to show his joy. He _was_ looking forward to seeing Sanghyuk that evening, but the main reason for his lifted spirits was work and he didn’t want her to know that. Just in case.

She raised an eyebrow in genuine surprise. “You have friends in Berlin? I thought this was your first time coming here?”

He shook his head. “It is. I know him from Seoul. He’s a student here.” He explained, turning his attention back to the menu. Sora looked like she wanted to ask more, but instead did the same.

They spent their lunch exchanging casual chit-chat. They talked about their law degrees, the schools they had attended, and Sora explained about the vast difference in work culture between South Korea and Germany. Taekwoon agreed when she spoke of the need for equality for women in South Korea, which had made her perk up considerably. It was as if he has passed a test; suddenly her attitude toward him turned less professionally friendly and more genuinely friendly. It was a welcome change, to say the least, and it sparked a wish for friendship within him.

\--

Sungrok had messaged him that he needed to postpone their videocall when he returned to the hotel room and regained the wi-fi connection on his Korean phone. He quickly messaged him that he felt more confident now that he had looked into the business more, and that he had a lot to tell him. He was a little disappointed, having looked forward to pleasing his superior, but the disappointment was soon replaced with anticipation when he realised it meant he could hang out with Sanghyuk longer.

He was quickly out of the door again after texting Sanghyuk he would be earlier, a swift shower and change of clothes, leaving his suit behind and putting on his beloved grey jeans and a loose t-shirt.

He was nearly bouncing up the stairs to the apartment floor, a slight smile having found a permanent spot on his face. When he reached the door he almost knocked it even before he had stopped walking, only to remember Wonshik telling him about the doorbell. He gathered himself, running a hand through his hair, and pressed it.

It made a horrible sound, as if pressing it gave it horrendous pain. He flinched back, staring at the button in surprise. He jumped again when the door opened quickly to show Hongbin standing there with a German beer in his hand.

“Hi there!” Hongbin said brightly, flashing a smile that showed off his flawlessly white teeth. Taekwoon felt slightly awkward all of a sudden. Hongbin seemed almost out of character. He had been friendly and pleasant towards him after they had been introduced, but not like that. Not like they were friends too.

“Hi.” He answered finally and peeked into the apartment to see if Sanghyuk was close by. Hongbin stepped aside to let him in.

“Sanghyuk’s getting dressed. He basically flew into the shower when he read your text earlier.” Hongbin told him while he accepted Taekwoon’s coat, hanging it in a closet with no doors beside the entrance. Taekwoon realised he had forgotten about his evening class, and that he probably didn’t see his text until a while later after he sent it. He felt a little bad for rushing to get there so much, barely giving the younger time to get ready. He was taking them to dinner again, he had promised in the note that morning. Somewhere of Sanghyuk’s choosing this time.

“Who’s this then? A new stray?” Asked an unfamiliar voice in Korean from the kitchen. Taekwoon turned around to see who it was, and the man gave a friendly smile. “Hey.” He greeted him, then turned his attention back to Hongbin with a single raised eyebrow.

He couldn’t help but stare, a little stunned at the sudden appearance of a stranger. He was Asian, no doubt about it, and most likely Korean since he knew the language. He had black, wavy hair and messy bangs that went all the way down to cover his eyebrows, and dark, friendly eyes with a glint of mischief. He was leaning on the kitchen island, facing them, a glass of red wine resting beside his right hand.

“This is Taekwoon, Sanghyuk’s childhood friend.” Hongbin introduced him, laying a hand on his shoulder. Taekwoon had to force himself not to flinch, too tense to welcome the friendly touch. He had a bad feeling about this man, and it was all because he looked somewhat familiar. Like he ought to know who he was. Hongbin turned to Taekwoon.

“Taekwoon, this is Cha Hakyeon. My sponsor and agent, and very close friend.”


	9. A Time of Innocence

_Time it was_   
_And what a time it was, it was_   
_A time of innocence_   
_A time of confidences_   
_“Bookends” – Simon & Garfunkel_

 

Cha Hakyeon. Taekwoon knew he had seen this man before. Though; only in media. South Korea’s first and only openly gay _chaebol*_. Quite the scandal a few years back. He had read that it drove Hakyeon abroad to stay out of the commotion until the press calmed down. That he had landed in Berlin, he had not known. He had nothing against Hakyeon; he didn’t know him. But he knew to be careful around powerful people who were bored. And most chaebols were.

“Nice to meet you.” Taekwoon greeted Hakyeon rather stiffly with a bow. He didn’t mean to be so tense, but he couldn’t help it. His eyes shot to the side towards Sanghyuk’s bedroom door, silently begging for him to come out and save him.

Hakyeon nodded his head in response, standing straight now, and sipped his wine. He was looking at Taekwoon as if taking his measurements. Hongbin had made his way to Hakyeon’s side and set down his bottle of beer on the counter. Hakyeon turned to him.

“You must be itching to photograph this guy; his proportions are absolutely stunning!” He exclaimed to Hongbin in a not-so-low murmur. Hongbin shook his head quickly, giving Hakyeon a stern frown. Taekwoon looked away, calling Sanghyuk with his mind.

He jumped when a door opened, only to be Wonshik coming out of the bathroom. He smiled slightly at Taekwoon when he noticed him standing there. Taekwoon gave a stiff smile back, unable to relax at the moment.

“Do you want a beer?” Hongbin asked Taekwoon – opening the fridge and grabbing a green glass bottle, handing one to Wonshik as he wandered past him, and holding another out towards Taekwoon. Taekwoon shook his head. “We’re going out to eat.” He told them. Hongbin nodded and kept the bottle to himself.

Taekwoon felt incredibly awkward standing in the middle of the room, tense and rigid, with all the others standing comfortably in the kitchen leaning on counters and each other. The room was silent, and he had caused it and it pained him. He really didn’t mean to.

He considered for a moment to simply barge into Sanghyuk’s room, but thought better of it. Instead he kept his eyes on the door, pretending to study the art on the wall beside it.

“Do you live in Berlin, Taekwoon-ssi?” Hakyeon asked him politely and he was forced to turn and look at them to answer.

“No, I’m here on a business trip.”

“Ohh, really? For how long?”

“A little more than two more weeks. I arrived on the 13th.”

“How nice that you’re able to stay for so long. What business is it?”

“Negotiating a partnership contract.”

Taekwoon felt oddly like he was interviewed, answering quickly and shortly as if being asked by a superior he hadn’t warmed up to. Hakyeon was simply trying to make him comfortable, he was sure. He appreciated the end of silence. Hakyeon was calmly sipping his wine, and the moment his glass was empty, Wonshik was there and refilling it.

“Sanghyuk’s been showing you around yet?”

“We’ve been walking around. And he showed me his University.”

“An absolutely stunning campus, don’t you think?”

Wonshik had set away the bottle of wine and now he was slowly moving in to hug Hakyeon from behind with his eyes closed. Taekwoon felt incredibly confused, because Hongbin was _right there_ and he wasn’t even giving it a glance. He missed the beat of their conversation for a second, which made Hakyeon’s mouth twitch _very_ slightly.

“Absolutely. I especially liked the glass mural.”

“Ahh, yes, a beautiful piece of work. Sanghyuk simply loves it.”

Wonshik kisses the back of Hakyeon’s neck and Taekwoon’s heartbeat is growing rapid. He feels a heated blush creep up his neck, the sight giving him a ghostlike sensation of the same touch.

Sanghyuk’s bedroom door flew open with a bang and everyone in the room but Hongbin jumped.

“I’m ready!” He said loudly, rushing over to Taekwoon. He was flushed, and his hair was standing to all ends. Hakyeon chuckled. “So sorry you had to wait, I’d only just returned from class when I saw your text.” Sanghyuk was wrestling against the sleeves of his leather jacket, clearly stressed.

Taekwoon felt calm wash over him like a gust of fresh air. He reached over and helped Sanghyuk out of his tangle – one of the jacket sleeves were inside out – and smiled at him. “It’s alright, I’m sorry for coming on such a short notice.”

“Try not to knock down our home next time you open that door though, Hyuk-ah.” Hongbin scolded, but Sanghyuk only grinned back at him. With his jacket finally on, he fixed the collar and turned towards Taekwoon. “Let’s go.”

Taekwoon snorted. Sanghyuk’s hair was an absolute mess. “One more thing.” He murmured softly and reached out to fix it; running his fingers through the moist, newly showered, white locks –the rest of the room completely forgotten.

“Thanks.” Sanghyuk murmured back in an unfamiliarly mellow tone. Taekwoon could swear Sanghyuk was blushing, though he only had the red tips of his ears to prove it.

“There. Ready to go.” He said when he was done taming the mess. He turned to find his coat, eyes fleeting past three pairs of attentive gazes watching him with tweaked interest.

\--

* _Chaebol: Member of a rich and powerful family owning a large part of the industry in South Korea. Their power sometimes even exceeds legal authority._

\--

Once they were out on the street and walking briskly towards the restaurant Sanghyuk had told him about on their way down the stairs, Taekwoon turned to Sanghyuk while they walked.

“Hyuk-ah.”

Sanghyuk looked at him, curious. “Yeah, Hyung?”

“That was Cha Hakyeon.” He said, feeling a little stupid after. Sanghyuk smiled handsomely with half his mouth.

“Yes, it was.” His tone was slightly amused. Taekwoon struggled a little to organize his words.

“How-“ He stopped. Paused. Tried again. “Why?” He was genuinely confused, and the question made him stop walking so he could show his expression to Sanghyuk. How in the world did that man end up in that apartment, on the other side of the planet, with Sanghyuk?

Sanghyuk laughed heartily and his hand landed on Taekwoon’s shoulder.

“Hongbin and Hakyeon are old friends.” Sanghyuk explained, using his hand on Taekwoon’s shoulder to get him moving again. “And when Hakyeon had to leave, Hongbin and Wonshik left with him. Hakyeon bought our apartment – my room used to be his actually – and started his business as Hongbin’s agent from there.” Sanghyuk told, all the while using his hand on Taekwoon’s shoulder to guide him in the right direction as they turned through several streets and crossings.

“After a while he picked up more clients and moved out of the apartment, and that’s when I moved in. Ah, here it is.” He grabbed Taekwoon’s bicep to stop him and turned them both towards a blue, wooden door with a big glass window – the sign reading _Mario’s._ A pizza place, it seemed, with big brick ovens right there behind the counter. Sanghyuk opened the door for him and beckoned for him to enter. “Best Pizza in Berlin.” He said with a wink.

Taekwoon stared at him for a few heartbeats, a little awestruck by the wink and the butterflies that it had caused, before entering. The smell of freshly baked crust, smoke and melted cheese filled his nostrils and brought his stomach alive. He felt his mouth water.

“Reservierung für zwei.” Sanghuyk’s voice sounded, now back beside him, and after taking his name the server lead them to a table by a window, a few tables away from the entrance. It was early evening, so the place wasn’t packed, but its tables were mostly occupied by couples and groups of friends silently enjoying thin crusted authentic Italian pizzas. Taekwoon’s stomach growled angrily.

They sat down after hanging their coat and jacket on the back of their chairs and Taekwoon’s attention went back to their conversation while he looked at the menu with eyes that didn’t actually see.

“So, the apartment belongs to Hakyeon?”

Sanghyuk nodded and hummed. “We pay him rent, but it’s way lower than it would be with a common landlord in that building.”

Taekwoon nodded. It made sense; Hakyeon didn’t actually need their money but let them pay rent so they wouldn’t feel like they were being a burden. That would be his own way of thinking, at least.

“He comes by and stays for a few weeks now and then, when he feels like it or Hongbin has something special going on.” Sanghyuk continued. The server came back with two big glasses of water for them and Sanghyuk thanked him.

“Do you mind if I order for us? I have a few regulars.” He said with a shy smile. Taekwoon closed his menu in relief and nodded with a smile. When the server left again after Sanghyuk had quickly told him his order without even looking at the menu, Taekwoon wanted to ask something he wasn’t sure he could. He couldn’t shake the image of Wonshik and Hakyeon off his mind. It was like they had burned it in. It had seemed so intimate, and not really meant for him – an outsider – to witness.

“Are…” He hesitated and took a sip of water. Sanghyuk tilted his head in question. It made him look younger somehow. “Are Hakyeon and Wonshik together?”

At this the younger bit his lip and leaned back a little, like the question had pushed him back. He sighed. “They really can’t control themselves for 5 minutes…” He muttered, actually looking a little annoyed. Taekwoon looked at him with worry, regretting asking the question a little, but he was also curious.

“Ok, so I didn’t want to tell you all this already. It’s a bit much. Or, well, I mean, it’s not that complicated, but it’s a mouthful.” Sanghyuk said, talking a little fast like he was nervous.

“Okay.” Taekwoon said, trying to be supportive. He was madly intrigued, his hand gripping his knee.

“Can you promise me to keep an open mind?”

“Sure.”

Taekwoon’s heart was beating fast. Sanghyuk had built anticipation now, there was no way back.

“Ok. Good.” Sanghyuk straightened and drank a sip of water.

“So.”

Another sip.

“Hongbin, Wonshik and Hakyeon. They’re all kind of together, but then again they’re not.” He paused. “They’re not exclusive, I mean. They’re all free to…” He hesitated, giving Taekwoon a quick lookover, but Taekwoon was stonefaced. “Sleep around.”

He stopped there, and several seconds passed before Taekwoon realized it was kind of his turn to speak. He wasn’t sure what he thought of this. He himself was a very monogamous person so he couldn’t imagine being in such a relationship, but that was _him._ Not Wonshik. Not Hongbin. Not Hakyeon.

“I see.” He ended up saying and Sanghyuk’s expression immediately revealed it was a little less than he had expected. It made Taekwoon stumble on his tongue. “I mean-“ He cleared his throat. “It’s not for me, but that doesn’t mean others can’t do it.” He rushed out. Sanghyuk’s expression went blank.

“That’s…What I mean at least.” Taekwoon continued, adorably hesitant and blushing a little. Sanghyuk looked to be thinking a little, his face still blank.

“Hyung.” Sanghyuk’s eyes bore into Taekwoon’s in a very intimate way.

Taekwoon’s heart skipped a beat, for he was so sure he had said the wrong thing just then and he was about to suffer for it.

“That’s really insightful of you.” Sanghyuk’s face broke into a genuine smile. He looked a little touched? Taekwoon wasn’t sure, but he certainly looked happy and that was good enough.

“Oh.” He exclaimed, mostly in relief. Sanghyuk chuckled.

“Really.” Sanghyuk lifted the glass of water to him. “I’m impressed.” He winked again, and the butterflies returned to Taekwoon’s stomach. He forgot to return the gesture, leaving Sanghyuk to toast into the air and then drink.

Their pizza arrived then, and they were both so mesmerized by its smell and deliciousness to speak until they both had finished their first slices. It gave Taekwoon some time for thought.

He couldn’t help but wonder where Sanghyuk stood in the seemingly complicated situation in his home. Was he simply a bystander? A single thought brought a slight feeling of dread to his gut; was he involved?

He studied the younger as he chewed his pieces, as if his body would simply tell him his secrets. His mind was running past all kinds of crazy thoughts of what could go on in that apartment, and he couldn’t help but wonder.

He didn’t even know if Sanghyuk was gay. He could be something else. Or just straight. That last thought burned in his gut. He realized that if he indeed was; he would feel disappointed and that made him frown.

“What? Does it taste weird?” Sanghyuk asked him, pulling him out of his head. He looked at him with a puzzled look.

“You were frowning.”

“Oh! I was just thinking.” Taekwoon kept his eyes on the pizza. He couldn’t look at him, or he was sure he would blush.

“About what?”

Taekwoon really didn’t want to answer that, so he hesitated while trying to think of something else to say.

“Work, huh?”

“Huh?” He jumped a little, but then realizing it made sense; “Yeah. There’s some complications I need to take care of. I have a Skype meeting tonight.”

“What? Tonight?” Sanghyuk looked a little provoked. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Time difference and all that.” Taekwoon told him with a shrug. He felt a little uncomfortable with the lie. He _did_ have a phone meeting that night, but he felt bad for not asking Sanghyuk about his worries. He didn’t feel like he could now.

“Well, I hope it works out.” Sanghyuk said.

“Hm?”

“The complications. You only have, like, two weeks left, right?” He tilted his head again and Taekwoon felt tingles beneath his skin.

“Yeah.”

“Then you leave.” He said quietly. It sounded oddly sad.

“Yeah.” Taekwoon answered with a sigh.

“I wish you wouldn’t.” Sanghyuk looked his straight in the eye and Taekwoon’s pulse skyrocketed. He stared back. Did it mean what he felt his heart ache for it to mean?

“Me too.” He found himself say without thinking.

Sanghyuk smiled. He smiled. They both blushed a little and returned to their pizza slices.

\--

It had been painful for Taekwoon to send Sanghyuk home instead of inviting him to the hotel room. Their conversation had turned back to Jaehwan and his upcoming wedding after a long, shy silence between them. After sharing a banana split ice cream for dessert, they ended up saying goodbye at the door, Taekwoon forced to rush to his hotel to make it in time for his videocall with Sungrok. He cursed the world for its bad timing.

His stomach went wild with emotions of all kinds at the thought of asking Sanghyuk back to his hotel room and… He blushed furiously at the thoughts his mind was conjuring up. It wasn’t as if he knew it was possible, but Sanghyuk had given him a sort of leverage in which his thoughts could roam and go wild.

It was not a good state to be video calling his superior in, but he was forced to. When he entered his hotel room, just in time, the laptop was on his desk making the familiar ‘call waiting’ signal. He threw his coat onto his bed and hauled himself down at the desk to answer the call just in time.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, Sunbae.” He said as soon as Sungrok’s face became visible on his screen. He was panting, and on the screen of his laptop he saw his own flushed face and wild hair from rushing back.

“No worries. I was wondering if you’d fallen asleep, but I guess you’ve been out tonight?”

“Yeah, I was at dinner with a friend.”

“Good. I was hoping you wouldn’t sit in your hotel room brooding this whole trip. It would be such a waste.”

“Yeah…” Taekwoon answered in a deep sigh, calming his breath and settling down. He had set up his notes already, so they could dive right into his plan and then he could go to bed. He didn’t really want Sungrok to venture into the subject of Sanghyuk – he was quite sure he wouldn’t be able to keep a poker face while telling about him – so he shifted their conversation onto the topic before the other had a chance.

“So, I have a plan. And I think it might work.”

\--

The blatant surprise and confusion, as well as mild panic in some faces, that met Taekwoon in the meeting room the next day told him he had been right about his suspicions. He had started the meeting himself – per instruction by Sungrok – with a new, more aggressive approach and making more demands in order to regain the balance of their contract agreement. They had made it seem it was all fair and mutually rewarding, when I truth they had more to gain. To show them he was onto them, without actually saying it, he had decided to be a little more demanding. Make them wriggle in their chairs, as Sungrok had put it.

The reaction he got was somewhat satisfying, he felt as he gazed the room for the several moments of stunned silence after he had presented the new demands. He knew the demands were never going to be approved, unless they were hiding something serious and thought he’d caught a sniff of it, but that was not the purpose. He was simply making a point. In the next meeting he predicted they would calmly sit him down and talk of compromise, and _then_ their contract might become a fair one – or even in their favor if he was lucky.

Kang Sora had been standing behind him the entire time and he was disappointed for having missed her reaction. When he left the meeting room only a few minutes after, because the businessmen needed to discuss his demands in private, she was quiet. Instead of her usual quick, no-nonsense walking in front of him to lead the way to wherever he was going next, asking him about his lunch plans and so on, she trailed behind as he walked confidently down the hall to the elevator. He was done for the day, it seemed. He had been asked to come back after the weekend to renegotiate. When the elevator doors opened, and he stepped in, she didn’t. He looked at her, a little puzzled. She usually escorted him the entire way. Her face was blank; pleasant smile, hands folded in front of her, looking at him calmly.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to go back and join the meeting they’re having, Mr. Jung. I hope you’ll have a pleasant weekend.” She said and bowed right before the elevator doors closed and stole away his chance to reply. He felt a little rude for that.

\--

“Whoah, what happened to you?” Sanghyuk exclaimed in mild shock when he looked up after opening the door.

That was not exactly the reaction Taekwoon had expected when he pressed the horrible-sounding doorbell to Sanghyuk’s – apparently Hakyeon’s – apartment in the afternoon. Feeling confident and energized from the meeting at work, he had finally asked the hotel clerk for a recommendation to a hairdresser and cut his hair shorter. His hair had grown wildly for months, the long, black strands being nothing but in the way for him. Tickling his neck, falling into his face, never staying in place if there was even the slight gust of wind and in general being too much to maintain for him to like it. He didn’t think he looked all too bad with longer hair, but the work it required was not worth it, so he had them cut it a lot shorter. It had left him with a very low-maintenance half-short hairstyle with bangs. 

Feeling a little self-conscious from Sanghyuk’s reaction, he ran his hand through his soft, newly washed and styled hair with a slight blush. “Does it look weird?” He asked timidly.

“No!” Sanghyuk answered right away, stepping aside to let him in. “I just wasn’t expecting you to cut it while you’re here, is all.”

His hand came up to touch Taekwoon’s hair when he stepped in, gingerly picking at the strands and feeling the soft, silkiness of it. “It looks nice.” He added softly.

That’s when Taekwoon noticed their little private moment had not been private at all. The apartment’s residents were all there. Hongbin, Wonshik and Hakyeon: all with either glasses or bottles in hand, seated around the coffee table and all staring at them. He blushed. Most of all; he wanted to turn around and leave right away. He wasn’t ready for a full round of socializing, and certainly not for butting in on a group of friend’s party. He turned around again to face Sanghyuk, a bit alarmed. The younger had a sweet, reassuring smile on his face, but it didn’t help.

“I just-“ He stuttered. “I wanted to show you. Sorry for not telling you that I was coming.”

Sanghyuk frowned slightly and was just about to answer when Hakyeon’s voice interrupted him.

“Why don’t you join us, Taekwoon-ssi? We don’t mind.”

Once again; Taekwoon was sure Hakyeon only meant to be friendly, but he couldn’t help but feel there was an undertone of amused mischief there and it made him incredibly nervous. Suddenly Sanghyuk’s hand was on his arm and that made him look him in the eyes.

“Do you want to?” Sanghyuk asked, voice low and only for him. His eyes were inviting him, but at the same time telling him it was fine if he didn’t. He didn’t really want to; he got quiet and awkward surrounded by strangers and he really just wanted Sanghyuk alone. But he couldn’t bring himself to ask the younger to come with him and drag him away from the party.

“I think I’ll pass.” He forced out and felt horrible immediately after. The disappointment was clear on Sanghyuk’s face, and he cursed himself for it. He heard murmurs and chuckling behind him at it made him feel all the worse.

Sanghyuk dropped his hand from his arm and said it was okay without letting his smile falter at all, though his eyes couldn’t lie. He knew it was okay, but he felt bad anyway.

“Let’s go visit some museums this weekend, yeah?” Sanghyuk asked. He nodded in answer, smiling.

“Yeah.”

Then he left with a mixed feeling of relief and regret making a fuss in his gut. The entire taxi ride back to the hotel he stared at his reflection in the car window and tried to figure out what he felt most of the two. He cursed his mind for making up ideas of what could be going on when Sanghyuk’s roommates and their lover got drunk and Sanghyuk was there too. He was plagued by the tiny voice asking if Sanghyuk ever joined in.

It was the perfect time to finally test out the bathtub in his hotel room that he’d been eyeing ever since he got there but never really had the chance to enjoy. There were complimentary bath salts in the bathroom as well, and he poured it all in without bothering to check the instructions. When the bath was full he turned off the water and started to undress, only to stop from hearing knocking.

He wasn’t sure if it was his door, but he stepped out anyway with his button-up shirt half unbuttoned from the top down. Three more knocks and he was sure it was his own door. He sped up and checked the peephole.

It was Sanghyuk. His heart leapt, and his hand opened the door before he could even think about it. It flew up inwards with a gust of air at the force and Sanghyuk was left wide-eyed with his hand mid-air.

“Hey.” Taekwoon greeted, sounding breathless for no logical reason.

Sanghyuk’s thoughts seemed interrupted for a moment as he lowered his hand, then came back to his senses when he looked at Taekwoon’s face.

“The others started bombarding me with questions, so I ran away.” He started. “I hope you don’t mind.” He added a slight pleading look, which was completely unnecessary because Taekwoon was simply so happy he was there to care about anything.

 “I don’t mind at all.” He blurted, and it must have sounded strange because it made Sanghyuk chuckle. Taekwoon didn’t even realize he was blocking the door, so they stood still for a moment while Sanghyuk bit his lip in thought. His eyes were glued on those very lips, and that was all his mind could handle at the moment.

Then all of a sudden, those lips were coming closer and Taekwoon stopped breathing when the lips met his and hands took hold of his shirt to keep him still.


	10. Please Stay

_Take from me_   
_Whatever you want_   
_Whatever you need_   
_But lover_   
_Please stay_   
_With me_   
_“Lover, Please Stay” – Nothing But Thieves_

It was in a blur that Taekwoon was pushed backwards into the hotel room, his hand on the door handle still and the door being dragged to a close behind Sanghyuk as they turned slightly so Taekwoon’s back hit the wall with a soft thump and Sanghyuk broke the kiss with a quiet, sweet gasp.

They stared at each other, frozen in time. Panting. Hearts beating so loudly they could hear nothing but the beating in their ears and the sound of each other’s breaths.

Taekwoon couldn’t hear his own thoughts. He was sure they were there, and frantic, but he was blissfully oblivious to their panic. He only saw Sanghyuk and that was all.

Sanghyuk was looking at his eyes, his nose, his mouth and then his eyes again. The amazing thing was that he was actually looking _down_ at him. He had really grown so tall that he was successfully surrounding Taekwoon against the wall just by being in front of him. He was taller, broader and most likely stronger than him. He almost damned him for also being younger, thus better than him in every way in his mind. He eyed his lips, feeling excitement rise from deep within.

He felt inferior.

But, he didn’t really mind.

Only a bit.

But not enough.

He sucked in a breath and pulled Sanghyuk in with a hand behind his neck, kissing him hungrily. He was rewarded with a soft, albeit a little surprised moan from the younger and it electrified the nerve endings all over his body. It was like he was brought to a high, becoming hyper aware of where Sanghyuk’s hands were moving from clenching his shirt to slowly crawl their way around his torso and downwards to his waist. He was waiting for them to reach the end of his shirt. To touch his bare skin and light him on fire. He gasped at the mere thought and blushed too, because what would be his reaction when his skin felt _actual_ touch? If only thinking of it made him shiver and gasp in Sanghyuk’s hands. Sanghyuk’s lips refused to part even though he opened his mouth to gasp. He smiled against his lips.

It was safe to say they were both drunk on the moment. Not thinking at all of anything beyond it. All Taekwoon could do was give in and let Sanghyuk do what he wanted, and with no complains for that matter. He let him kiss him again, let his tongue slip past his lips and take his breath away as his hands slowly stroked along his ribs atop his shirt and made Taekwoon shiver. Sanghyuk had read Taekwoon’s first initiation correctly and let go of whatever restraint had him in check outside the door. They were panting, kissing, gasping for air and moaning quietly each time the other’s fingers found the right spots. He was pulling Sanghyuk’s hairs at the back of his head, and each time he did Sanghyuk would make the best sound he had ever heard in his entire life. It travelled straight to his gut and stirred up _everything_ within him. Sanghyuk’s body was hard against him, pushing him towards the wall, keeping him in place without making him feel trapped. Taekwoon could taste the slight hint of alcohol on him, but he didn’t act drunk. Not on alcohol at least.

Taekwoon was about to have his mind back when Sanghyuk decided to pull away. His body was still leaning on Taekwoon, he was simply leaning his upper body back a little to give them space to breathe a little. His lips were swollen, his hair standing in all directions thanks to Taekwoon’s eager hands, and he was panting quietly. Taekwoon had almost been expecting him to smile at him, but he wasn’t. He had a slight frown on his face, studying Taekwoon in silence while his breathing calmed. Taekwoon’s arms were around his waist, keeping him in balance while he leaned away.

“I didn’t think you’d actually let me do that.” Sanghyuk then said, sounding like he was in disbelief.

“Why not?” Taekwoon asked softly, tightening his grip around the waist. Sanghyuk shut his eyes, looking like he regretted bringing it up. Taekwoon squeezed him in encouragement.

“I don’t know, I just didn’t quite believe you would.” He answered, eyes open but not looking at Taekwoon’s gaze.

“I’m glad you did.” Taekwoon answered softly, leaning in for another quick kiss, which made Sanghyuk hum into his mouth.

“I had a bit of liquid courage to help, heh.” Sanghyuk chuckled softly, the side of his mouth twitching into a smile. Taekwoon felt his chest swell at the sight. It was actually getting harder to breathe watching him. He was still avoiding Taekwoon’s eyes and his ears were red, making him look impossibly adoring.

Things were stirring within Taekwoon and Sanghyuk was too close to not notice if they didn’t part. So, he let go of his grip around him and Sanghyuk slightly stumbled at the loss of support on his back. Taekwoon stepped away, feeling the loss of contact on him like a cold breeze. He almost wanted to groan at the feeling of wanting Sanghyuk back in his arms, but he walked over to the window to have something else to focus on. Looking at him would be too much right then.

He had the chance to think then and he was suddenly feeling a growing sense of guilt. He was leaving soon. Very soon. Then what was this? A spike of fear shot in his gut at his own thoughts. He couldn’t help but wonder why Sanghyuk even bothered to make a move when he was leaving so soon.

Was this all just for fun?

He shuddered at the thought, hugging himself in front of the large window while gazing at the view without really looking. Everything in front of him was just a blur while he let his thoughts bring him into a downward spiral of horrible assumptions. He knew he was starting to feel things a lot deeper than he should, and he was getting more and more scared that Sanghyuk’s feelings were not of the same nature.

A fling?

He hugged himself tighter.

He started, his shoulders jumping, when hands sneaked their way around his waist from behind and Sanghyuk’s head came to a rest on his shoulder. It was a tight hug, and it made him relax his body, but not his mind.

He couldn’t help but lean into it. The intimacy felt too good. He’d been lacking it for too long and getting a taste of it was only leaving him craving for more. He closed his eyes, leaned back into Sanghyuk’s chest and hummed, letting his mind go to hell where it belonged. He would stay here, in Eden, enjoying its forbidden fruits.

“What are you thinking?” Sanghyuk asked in a soft murmur, the puff of air from his breath tickling Taekwoon’s throat, almost making him shudder. It made it hard to think of an answer. He wouldn’t tell him the entire truth, he was already feeling guilty about his assumptions because he didn’t know if they were true or not. He thought he should give Sanghyuk a chance to show what his intentions were.

“That I’m leaving soon.” He answered quietly, the words almost a whisper. He kept his eyes closed, scared to check Sanghyuk’s reaction. He could feel him tense around him, just for a moment or two, before relaxing and then tightening his grip.

“I don’t want to think about that.” Sanghyuk said then, words final.

Taekwoon sighed, relaxing more. At least he wanted him to stay. That was something. He knew that already, since Sanghyuk had told him, but it was nice to hear it now after what they had just done. After they had changed everything. Nothing would be the same between them from now on.

“I can’t help it.” Taekwoon then whispered. Then he could feel Sanghyuk bury his head on his shoulder, turning it so he nuzzled his face into the side of his neck. He planted a kiss there, right on his sensitive neck and Taekwoon sucked in a breath in surprise at the sudden bloom of sensations spreading from the small spot. It spread like a wave through his spine, up his head and across his chest. It stirred him awake, suddenly extremely alert to every spot on his body that was in touch with Sanghyuk. It felt like fire, burning him hot, making his heart beat up a storm and nothing in the world could ever stop him when he quickly turned around to a surprised looking Sanghyuk. He gently grabbed his face in both of his hands and kissed him hard, feeling everything pour out of him like he had blown up a dam.

Passing a moment of surprise, Sanghyuk quickly returned the kiss with vigour – a moan escaping him as he did. Taekwoon pushed him backwards, towards the bed, until the back of Sanghyuk’s knees hit the edge and he fell backwards onto the mattress with a gasp. Taekwoon resisted being dragged down with him and climbed up above him with his knees. Sanghyuk’s shirt revealed a thin line of naked skin at the bottom, stealing all of Taekwoon’s attention, and caught in the moment; he kissed the line and let the fingers of his right hand sneak their way under the fabric and guide the shirt upwards to reveal more skin.

He could feel the shiver going through Sanghyuk as his lips touched the sensitive skin on the other’s abdomen. Hear his laboured breathing. See his hands grab the sheets like a lifeline. Feel his own blood rush through his veins and the familiar sensation of excitement surging in his gut like a growing storm.

He kissed his way upwards as the shirt revealed more, past his navel and across his stomach. The muscles shivered and jumped at the soft whisper of touch from Taekwoon’s wet lips. Sanghyuk breathed loudly, staring at the ceiling in complete disbelief. Before he could reach his chest, the shirt wouldn’t ride up anymore, stuck beneath Sanghyuk’s back, and Taekwoon skipped ahead to kiss his lips again with a satisfied hum from them both. Sanghyuk’s hands let go of their death grip on the sheets and immediately found their way to Taekwoon’s hair, threading through the short strands in a way that made Taekwoon moan hopelessly.

A hand from somewhere snuck its way beneath Taekwoon’s shirt and up his back, his skin so sensitive at the touch he thought it was a wonder he didn’t simply dissolve. It sent goose bumps up his back to his neck and made him inhale sharply. He had to part their kisses to breathe and took a moment to study Sanghyuk’s face. He was smiling then, finally. No more frowning. His worrylines were smooth, his eyes dazed and his lips red, wet and swollen as he smiled lazily. It was a true feast for Taekwoon’s eyes.

It was a face he had never seen before, and it was a sight he would never forget. Affection made his chest tight with emotion, the hot urgency from before forgotten for a moment as they gazed at each other, their huffs of breath mixing between them.

Their kisses turned slow after that, carefully exploring each other’s necks with their lips and hands softly stroking their backs and stomachs. They didn’t speak a single word, only communicating with sounds; quiet moans, gasps and hums. Sanghyuk had taken a liking to Taekwoon’s collarbones, exposed by his only half buttoned shirt. He kissed along them for a long time before he found a perfect spot and made a red mark that would surely last for days. It was a silent, subtle way of branding Taekwoon as his, Taekwoon thought. It made him feel more secure with where they were headed.

Sanghyuk was growing visibly tired as they went on, his attention fleeting as their kisses turned longer and slower. Taekwoon had long since grown tired of keeping himself up above Sanghyuk and had settled down on his side beside him, one hand across his stomach and the other in his white hair. When their kiss ended up being just lips touching while Sanghyuk sighed into his mouth with his eyes closed and body lax, Taekwoon decided it was time they slept. He had no idea of the time, but it was Friday night and really didn’t matter. The weekend was theirs and he was determined to make it last. He settled on a single, long kiss on Sanghyuk’s shoulder, then stroked his soft hair until it seemed like he had fallen asleep before working the covers around them while trying not to wake him again.

\--

When Taekwoon woke Sanghyuk was gone, but the faint sound of music was spilling out of the bathroom door left ajar. He could hear the sound of a shower running. The music sounded familiar, but he couldn’t quite figure out what it was. It sounded like Sanghyuk was playing it from his phone. He got up to get closer and listen, standing behind the door to not accidentally peek inside. When he could finally hear it properly he couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

He and Jaehwan had bothered Sanghyuk endlessly about his love for Justin Bieber back in the day. It was just another excuse to bother him, because his music taste seemed to be a tender spot that got him easily and quickly aggravated – which in turn made it Jaehwan’s favourite subject. Taekwoon simply tuned in because the reactions were amusing. He always loved witnessing Jaehwan and Sanghyuk bicker.

Without thinking about it too much, he stepped into the bathroom with a fond smile on his face. The door made a creaking sound when he opened it more and Sanghyuk turned around in the shower to look at him. The shower was concealed within glass doors, showing off his backside like it was on display. Sanghyuk didn’t even flinch and smiled at him.

“Morning.” He told Taekwoon cheerily. “Did I wake you?”

Taekwoon shook his head and he turned back around to continue rinsing his hair. He could feel his neck heat up at the naked sight, so he kept his eyes on Sanghyuk’s phone resting on a wooden bench beside the bathtub.

“You still listen to this guy?” He asked. He felt awkward just standing there in the middle of the room, so he settled on sitting down on the bench beside the pile of fresh, white towels and Sanghyuk’s phone. To his amusement; he could see his shoulders tense with a familiar sense of defiance.

“Obviously.” He answered with a slight bite to it. Taekwoon chuckled.

The shower stopped running and Sanghyuk started soaping up, then stopped and turned around to look at him. Straight in the eye, face so blank Taekwoon couldn’t possibly read what he was thinking. Once again; he found himself thinking about Sanghyuk’s intentions. He had no idea of them. What did he want? Heck, Taekwoon didn’t even know what _he_ wanted. All he could do was stand up from the bench and study Sanghyuk’s eyes. Dark brown eyes who rested on his own like it was the easiest thing in the world to look people in the eye. The boldest of the bold.

Taekwoon couldn’t keep eye contact for very long. Mere seconds of looking and his eyes cast down and he felt the blush creep up his ears and he started to turn away.

“Are you coming or not?”

Sanghyuk’s words stopped him in his tracks before he could reach the door. His heart skipping every second beat; he turned around to look and Sanghyuk was casually covering his arms in white, foamy soap. Not looking at him. Waiting for him to join. His stomach stirred nervously, and his mouth turned dry. He leaned towards the door out of there, then tilted back in towards Sanghyuk and away again. He was almost getting dizzy when he finally moved, fingers finding their way to his pants and taking them off. Soon he was naked and hesitating outside the shower.

He let himself be pulled into the damp warmth of the shower by a wet hand carefully tugging his arm. He was sprayed by wonderful, hot water as Sanghyuk turned the shower back on and guided him so the water hit his head and he closed his eyes and let his heart race at a thousand miles per second while he focused on how it felt to have Sanghyuk hold him steady by his hips and run his hand through his now wet hair.

He sighed deeply, letting go of his mountain of worries and just let Sanghyuk do whatever he wanted to him; wash his hair, cover him in sweet-scented soap and rinse it off in water so hot his skin turned flushed pink and his mind foggy. His own arms were limp and unmoving, utterly passive when not moved to accommodate Sanghyuk’s actions.

When the water stopped he opened his eyes just in time to see Sanghyuk leaning in with his own eyes closed and their lips met with their minds in a haze.

\--

After the longest shower Taekwoon had had for as long as he could remember, they were both dressed and on their way to find somewhere he could get some good coffee into his system. They had slept in, both falling asleep rather early the night before and then sleeping past the breakfast hours. He was sad to miss the breakfast buffet, having wished to bring Sanghyuk along for it, but as they walked down the street in the cool air and the high sun, shoulder to shoulder and in silence – he really didn’t mind anymore.

Sanghyuk had been a little quiet ever since their make-out in the shower. They hadn’t gone any further than the night before, but there was definitely a different feeling when they were both naked and cleaning each other was involved. Taekwoon was surprised his heart was still beating, judging by how rapidly it had been beating the entire time.

He was once again left wondering what was on Sanghyuk’s mind, and when he was still not really saying anything when they sat in a booth at a cosy-looking coffeeshop that promised amazing waffles, Taekwoon gathered the courage to inquire.

“You okay?” He asked softly.

Sanghyuk looked at him with eyes laced with conflict. Immediately Taekwoon’s heart sank, assuming the worst. His breath felt tight in his throat, but he tried his best as to not show how worried he was.

“I’m just trying to figure this out. This.” Sanghyuk motioned between them. “Us.”

Taekwoon was left breathless. With all his worrying he’d never even thought of the possibility that Sanghyuk might have the same worries as him.

“Me too.” He breathed in answer. Sanghyuk gave him an interested look, eyes lit up.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Taekwoon sighed. “Before yesterday I didn’t even know if you were straight or not. Or, well, I still don’t really know what you are.” He paused, then a thought made him add: “Not that it matters now. You kissed me, so that’s all I really need to know.”

Sanghyuk smiled, a tad nervously. “Yeah… I never told you, did I?”

“No, but I like that you didn’t. It shouldn’t be something you _have_ to inform people of, you know? Unless you like them, I guess. It’s private.” He gave Sanghyuk a small smile. “To me at least.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes spoke of fondness and it gave Taekwoon confidence.

“Plus, you _did_ tell me, when you kissed me.” He added, neck turning hot at the memory.

“I’m still glad I did.” Sanghyuk said while getting up from his seat, their order having been announced. He gave a brilliant smile right before he left the table, leaving Taekwoon with his heart racing and staring at the table. He wanted to hug something, that’s how giddy he felt all of a sudden.

Moments later a paper cup slid into his vision. “Here’s your latté.”

Taekwoon smiled in thanks, hands hugging the cup for warmth. He sighed in content and looked up at Sanghyuk who was doing the same with his hot chocolate. Their waffles would come to their table a little later, they’d been told when ordering.

“So, what do you want to do today?” Sanghyuk asked and Taekwoon’s mind went blank. He still hadn’t done much research on what was even possible to do in Berlin. So far, he had relied on Sanghyuk, Thomas and Kang Sora to tell and show him what was worth seeing and eating.

“You choose, I have no idea what my options are.” He told him.

Sanghyuk sipped his drink in thought, looking upwards. Then; as if a light bulb had popped up above him, his eyes lit up. “The Reichstag Building! And the Brandenburg gate is just close, so we’ll get to see that too.”

Taekwoon looked at him with a blank, unknowing look and blinked a single time. Sanghyuk cracked up a laugh at the sight, smile wrinkles forming beside his eyes.

“It’s an architectural artwork, and since the sun is up today it’ll look amazing. I’d love for you to see.”

“Take me wherever you want to go, I’m yours.” Taekwoon said, without thinking of the potential double meaning. Sanghyuk’s eyes widened and a blush crept up to his ears.

“I’ll do just that then.” He forced out, staring at his hot chocolate with a growing smile.


	11. Right in Front of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longest chapter yet! Hope you enjoy~

_And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be_   
_Right in front of me_   
_Talk some sense to me_   
_“I Found” – Amber Run_

 

Taekwoon’s legs were cramping up by the time they returned to his hotel room Saturday night, after an entire day of walking around in the crisp, cool but sunny weather that made Mitte – the center part of Berlin – shine like a diamond. Sanghyuk had shown him around with his usual enthusiasm, making him see things he never would’ve noticed on his own. Details of buildings, homages to history and the beauty of architecture. Buildings had never captivated him like that before; they were simply buildings and they were there and sometimes they looked nice, but that was about as far he thought of them. Now, however, it seemed Sanghyuk had given him a new set of eyes. He wondered if Seoul would look different to him when he returned. It made his chest burn with affection for the younger, for making the effort to make him see something of his own world.

They had bought sandwiches and eaten them at Alexanderplatz, surrounded by incredible buildings that – to Taekwoon – looked like they belonged in ancient Greece or Rome. Covered in stone figures of angels and men covered in wavy clothes that looked soft even though they were carved in something as hard and rigid as stone. Then a few hours later Sanghyuk had taken pity on Taekwoon’s aching legs and brought them to a Korean restaurant where they were able to order some stew and to sit and eat for almost two hours before they finally left to find the bus that would take them to his hotel. They had ordered three stews and shared them, and much to Taekwoon’s amusement; Sanghyuk’s resistance of spicy food had suffered with him living in Berlin. He sweated like he was running a marathon by the time he finished the soft tofu stew, the spiciest of their three chosen options. Taekwoon had the best time making fun of him, the teasing giving him a strange sense of nostalgia.

Jaehwan and him had bothered Sanghyuk a lot through the years, but Taekwoon was seldom seen without the company of his best friend Jaehwan, so he was always there too and always the one actually doing the teasing while Taekwoon simply observed in amusement. Standing in the background with his arms folded and trying not to laugh stupidly loud of Sanghyuk’s beet red face or the fact that once Sanghyuk actually did something back, like do a tickle attack, Jaehwan was always left defenseless. That way their bickering always ended up with laughter rather than anger, and the two step-brothers closer rather than distant. Taekwoon had loved watching the two boys become like true brothers as if by blood over the years.

It was a strange feeling to him; this new sense of affection he was feeling for Sanghyuk. He could swear that he had never felt a sense of attraction towards him back in the day, but that had somehow changed. Sanghyuk had changed a lot. Grown a lot. And, maybe most importantly; he was now someone more refined than just ‘Jaehwan’s new brother’. He supposed Sanghyuk had stepped out of the box Taekwoon himself had placed him in in the past, and outside of that box he was now seeing someone so utterly beautiful he couldn’t resist wanting him.

He felt powerless over the feelings he had washing over him whenever Sanghyuk did just about anything. He would listen attentively to just about anything he told him. He would watch how he moved when he walked in front of him to lead the way through the crowded street. He would stare at his lips when he licked them and feel his gut tingle at the thought of touching them. And his entire being would burn at the memory of Sanghyuk standing naked in the shower, looking at him calmly and asking him if he was joining or not.

Utterly powerless, he was.

Especially when his legs were cramping and Sanghyuk was leading him into his hotel room with a hand on his elbow and a slight, playful smirk on his face. When he felt his entire body sag with tiredness at the mere sight of his bed. When Sanghyuk helped his coat off and did so in a way that made him come so close to him their chests were touching. And when the slight whiff of Sanghyuk’s perfume filled his nostrils when his neck came close to his face and he groaned at the sudden burst of want inside him. He leaned his nose in, inhaling. Sanghyuk stiffened and let the coat drop to the floor instead of stepping away again to hang it up. Then Taekwoon kissed his warm neck and the cold wetness of his lips made Sanghyuk gasp quietly and put his arms around Taekwoon to hold in there. He wasn’t going to let him go now. Taekwoon was stuck.

Not that he wanted to escape. He relaxed into the embrace, letting his face nuzzle into Sanghyuk’s neck. But it didn’t take long until his legs didn’t agree on standing anymore and gave signals that they would buckle soon. Taekwoon grabbed a hold around Sanghyuk, swung them around and let himself fall backwards until his back hit the mattress of his bed and the surprised and helpless Sanghyuk just about crushed him against it. He heard Sanghyuk chuckle beside his ear, before the younger quickly gathered his limbs and lifted his upper body so he wouldn’t keep crushing Taekwoon all night.

Taekwoon’s hand had a life of its own and found its way to Sanghyuk’s neck, pulled him down so he could kiss him, then moved on to stroke down his waist and to boldly come to a rest at the roundness of his ass.

That too made Sanghyuk chuckle. Taekwoon kissed it away, his lips moving lazily. He was tired, almost desperate to sleep, but the tiredness made his guard go down. It felt easier to do whatever he desired when he was too tired to think of what it might lead to. He supposed it was kind of a drunk feeling.

His kisses made Sanghyuk let out tiny, appreciative moans. Both his hands were busy holding him up, so Sanghyuk made use of his mouth by kissing Taekwoon’s neck and collarbones in small intervals between returning to Taekwoon’s mouth with a hunger Taekwoon could never match in such a tired state. It was becoming clear that Sanghyuk was getting more worked up the more they kissed. The longer Taekwoon’s hand lingered on his ass. Taekwoon could feel him against him, how aroused he was getting. Sanghyuk’s crotch was resting on his thigh, so there was no way not to. He knew he was too tired for anything more than kissing, he wanted to be fully awake and alert if they were to do anything more than that, so he moved his own hand away and placed it on his shoulder. Pushed him until he was lying beside him on the bed, turning himself in the process to that they were facing, and gave him another sweet, shallow kiss.

“I’m really tired, Hyuk-ah.” He murmured and tried his best to show that the tiredness was the only reason he wasn’t letting him move on. Sanghyuk’s eyes had been hazed over while they kissed, but now it was like he woke up from a trance; they lit up and he suddenly looked alarmed.

“Ohh, sorry, I didn’t mean to-“

Taekwoon cut him off. “It’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just too exhausted right now, that’s all.” He said softly, shuffling a little closer to that he could rest his hand on his hip again. Keep him there.

Sanghyuk relaxed. “Okay, good.” He answered and wriggled his body a little to settle on the bed. They were still fully clothed, and they had fallen on the bed in a way that made them lie diagonally on top of the sheets, but for now they didn’t really want to move. They watched each other in silence, thinking of their own worries. Taekwoon’s mind was drifting into nothingness pretty quickly and his eyes slid shut.

“The guys want to get to know you, Hyung.” Sanghyuk said suddenly, his voice soft but the sound of it still so abrupt compared to the quiet of the room it made Taekwoon startle awake from his almost-sleep.

“Oh?” Was all he could say, blinking to look at him but his eyelids quickly fell shut again.

“Yeah. Hongbin invited you to dinner tomorrow. Do you wanna come?”

Taekwoon wasn’t really thinking, so he simply nodded and hummed in agreement with his eyes closed.

\--

He’d forgotten about it by the time he woke up the next morning, now under the covers but still fully clothed, Sanghyuk beside him under the covers but undressed to some degree. The automatic curtains had already opened, and the strong, warm shine of the sun was streaming through the large window and straight onto him. He was boiling hot, it felt like, so he quickly escaped the bed and made his way to the bathroom to take a refreshing shower. He felt sticky and sweaty from sleeping in his clothes.

He set the water temperature to lukewarm and let it cool him while he stood still with the spray hitting his shoulders and back with a strength that made it feel like a massage. When he finally felt like his body had a normal temperature, he finally put in his shampoo and washed up quickly.

By the time he came back into the room, dressed in a fresh, black t-shirt and his favorite distressed denim jeans, Sanghyuk was still asleep on his bed. He didn’t know how much longer he had been up, but it had to have been a while for him not to wake Taekwoon when he got up to undress. His clothes were in a messy pile at the end of the bed, so he picked them up and haphazardly folded them onto the bed.

He padded quietly on his bare feet over to the bedside table, where his German phone had been abandoned before their excursion the day before, and checked the time. It was 8am, so the breakfast buffet was still available. They had fallen asleep pretty early, so Taekwoon had caught plenty of sleep despite the early hour. Besides, since it was Sunday the buffet lasted an hour longer, making it available until 11am.

With that in mind the stepped around the bed to Sanghyuk’s side and crouched down beside him to wake him up. When his eyes met the level of Sanghyuk’s, they opened tiredly.

“Hey.” Sanghyuk practically moaned out, sounding like he had slept for a year. Taekwoon couldn’t help but smile, for he was looking quite adorable. He had pulled the covers all the way over his shoulders and was holding them tight with his hands up to his face, but his back had been exposed – which was how Taekwoon had known he had undressed before seeing the pile of clothes.

“Hey.” Taekwoon answered softly with a smile. “If you want, I can bring you along to the hotel breakfast.”

Sanghyuk moaned. “Yeeeeeeeeeeeees, I’m starving.”

Taekwoon lent him a clean t-shirt and he pulled his black pants from the two days before again, and then they were on their way down to the second floor of the hotel to enjoy the buffet. While Taekwoon gathered his by now usual breakfast of cereal and yoghurt, Sanghyuk piled up just about everything he saw onto his plate like a starved animal. When he was done running around, he had gathered three plates at their table; one with scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon, one with toast, butter and jam, and one with cereal. Taekwoon eyed the food with amusement while Sanghyuk got up once again when he exclaimed he had forgotten about drinks. He came back with a glass of water, a glass of juice and a mug of hot chocolate.

“Gotta eat all you can when there’s a buffet, you know? I’m a starving student! This is a golden opportunity to fill up my reserves!” Sanghyuk told him in playful excitement when he settled down once and for all. Taekwoon laughed.

“Truly.” He said with a grin. Sanghyuk had always been a bottomless pit when it came to food, that hadn’t changed one bit. Taekwoon was pretty close to the same, but preferred Korean food for breakfast.

“So,” Sanghyuk started after finishing his first plate of food. “Hongbin hyung told us to come over at 6pm tonight, I hope that’s alright with you. We usually eat later on weekends, but I told them to push it to earlier since you have work in the morning.”

Taekwoon was confused for a full minute, Sanghyuk too busy eating to notice, before he remembered that he might just have agreed to this the night before. An unpleasant, nervous feeling bloomed in his gut at the thought of eating dinner with Sanghyuk’s roommates, who were all apparently lovers.

“Okay.” He answered, voice a bit tight. That made Sanghyuk look up, a single brow furrowed.

“We can cancel if you don’t want to.” He assured, looking mildly panicked. He had clearly told the others they were coming. So Taekwoon shook his head.

“No, it’s fine. I’m just a bit nervous.”

“Ahh, yeah, I would be too.” Sanghyuk said with a knowing smile.

“Did you tell them about us?” Taekwoon wanted to know. Be somewhat prepared for what he would be facing.

“With Hakyeon home I didn’t have to.”

\--

Taekwoon felt like a teenage boy meeting his date’s parents for the first time when he stood in front of Sanghyuk’s apartment building that night. After breakfast Sanghyuk had left to catch up on some homework and do laundry (“Our building has a laundromat and today’s our apartment’s assigned laundry day, so I can’t miss it if I want clean clothes to wear next week.”), so Taekwoon was forced to face his nervousness alone when he arrived at 5:55pm.

When he arrived at their floor he pressed the doorbell with a nervous shiver and an unsettled stomach. He felt a massive gush of relief when Sanghyuk’s smiling, happy face was what met him when the door swung open and the smell of cooking poured out into the hallway. He wanted to kiss him but didn’t quite know if that would be so popular to the crowd watching them in the kitchen.

It was like a flashback to the scene from last time he was there, with all three standing behind the kitchen counter and watching the two of them. That had been before they kissed. Somehow that seemed so long ago.

Sanghyuk made the decision for him and gave him a quick peck on the lips while he grabbed his coat off his shoulders and slid it off him. He could feel a blush creeping from the attention and rushed to say hi before he would feel too mortified to make a sound.

“Hi everyone, thank you for inviting me to dinner.” He said, sounding awkwardly formal. He heard Sanghyuk chuckle quietly behind him, hanging up the coat.

Hongbin gave him a friendly smile before turning back to the stove he had behind him, Wonshik pursed his lips like he was trying not to laugh – a hand coming up to cover it, but it was too late – and Hakyeon flashed a big smile as well. “Welcome!” He greeted, arms out.

Taekwoon smiled back, feeling a little better, and turned to find Sanghyuk so he could latch onto him and not have to decide for himself where to place his awkward body in the room. He could feel himself instinctively hunching to make himself smaller, which was an old habit he hadn’t done in a very long time.

His elbow was grabbed by a large hand and then he was led to the kitchen and the high stools aligning the island Hakyeon and Wonshik was comfortably leaning against already.

“Shik-ah, will you set the table already? I’ve told you like two times.” He hears Hongbin say and Wonshik immediately moves to the cupboards and start pulling out deep plates.

Sanghyuk placed him on a stool like a prop, making him sit facing Hakyeon and then sat down beside him. Hakyeon was busy accepting the deep plates, glasses and cutlery Wonshik was passing him.

Because the kitchen island wasn’t very big, and clearly not meant for more than three people sitting at it, their table setting became rather intimate. The plates facing each other was not far from touching, in fact. There were three stools on the side Taekwoon and Sanghyuk was sitting, and then on Hakyeon’s side Wonshik fetched the foldable chairs from the living room to sit on once Hongbin was done cooking and placed a pot of stew on the counter. It smelled absolutely divine, but Taekwoon had no idea what it was. There was the smell of cooked meat and he could see the colorful signs of various in-season vegetables in the clear broth.

“It’s called an autumn soup.” Hongbin explained as he sat down beside Sanghyuk. A soup traditionally made of the newly harvested autumn vegetables and whatever meat available. In their instance it was beef. The taste was rich and soothing and left Taekwoon surprised and impressed by Hongbin’s skill.

“You’ve outdone yourself Hyung, this is super good.” Sanghyuk exclaimed beside him. The other three nodded and hummed in agreement. Hongbin got quiet at the mutual praise towards him and Taekwoon recognized a trait similar to his own personality. He was starting to rather like Hongbin, whom at first had seemed cold but once he knew who Taekwoon was had been nothing but friendly.

“How did your shoot go last night, by the way?” Sanghyuk asked, looking at Hongbin and then Hakyeon when he didn’t answer right away. Hakyeon made a grimace, but Hongbin was the one who answered.

“The model was kind of a fluke, so it didn’t work out.” Hongbin sighed.

“Hey, don’t be so harsh.” Hakyeon hissed. Then turned to Sanghyuk to explain. “He looked perfect for the concept we were going for, but his talent was limited to selfies at best.”

“That’s what you get for hunting for models on Instagram.” Wonshik chimed in. Hakyeon shouldered him slightly.

“Instagram is a talent pool, but it’s like looking for a needle in a haystack. Looking good doesn’t mean you model good.” Hakyeon said, lifting his finger and gesturing towards Sanghyuk like he was teaching him a lesson.

Sanghyuk scrunched his nose, a sight that made Taekwoon stare at him in awe at how cute it looked. “What’re you looking at me for? I’m good at modeling, you said so yourself!” Sanghyuk exclaimed.

Hakyeon shook his head. “Nono, you’re good. Great even. I pointed at you at random.”

“I’ve never seen any pictures of you doing modeling.” Taekwoon said softly, still watching Sanghyuk’s nose in quiet astonishment. So astonished he forgot he was talking out loud.

Hakyeon gasped. “I’m afraid you won’t survive, Taekwoon, it’s strong stuff, I have to say.”

Hongbin laughed when Sanghyuk made a face at Hakyeon for being so dramatic. Taekwoon looked at Hakyeon in confusion. _What kind of modeling had Sanghyuk done, exactly?_ He wondered with a slight blush.

Sanghyuk grabbed a hold of his shoulder so the chair he sat on turned and he’d look away from Hakyeon and back at Sanghyuk. “Hyung, don’t listen to him, the pictures are just normal. I model streetwear, like Wonshik hyung.” He told him, his face having a hard time not cracking up at the sheer confusion across Taekwoon’s innocent face. In the background they could hear the sound of Wonshik’s supressed chuckle and Sanghyuk gave him a frown as well, earning another amused face from Hongbin behind him – Taekwoon the only one to notice over Sanghyuk’s shoulder.

“I have some of Hongbin’s shots in a file in my room, I’ll show you later.” Sanghyuk told him then and he nodded. He was curious if Sanghyuk looked a lot different when modelling from how he looked in real life.

They were all finished eating the soup and Hakyeon announced that he had been out earlier and picked up some fancy ice cream for dessert. As soon as they started getting up from their seats, Taekwoon quickly jumped up and offered to help doing the dishes. It earned him a smile from Hongbin and an affectionate look from Sanghyuk who told him he’d do the drying if Taekwoon did the washing. And that’s how they ended up alone in the kitchen, shoulder to shoulder by the tiny kitchen sink, enveloped in a shy but comfortable silence.

It was only when Taekwoon was scrubbing the pot that Sanghyuk broke their silence with soft-spoken words. “I think they’re starting to like you.”

Taekwoon looked at him with a slight smile. “Yeah?”

“Yup. Especially Hongbin has really warmed up to you, and that’s not very easy actually.” He spoke quietly so the others, gathered in the living room area bickering about Instagram people, wouldn’t hear.

“Yeah, I think he likes me too. He seems very nice.” Taekwoon answered with a shy smile. It felt weird for him to say that someone liked him, even when only talking about acquaintance. Sanghyuk smiled brightly.

“See, that’s the thing. Most people find him a little cold, because he’s cautious about new people. That’s how I can tell he likes you; he makes an effort to be open.” He bumped Taekwoon’s shoulder, as if telling him ‘well done’.

They finished up the pot, Sanghyuk drying it quickly to finish off, and brought with them the bowls, spoons and the ice cream Hakyeon had bought, over to the living room area.

Hakyeon was a fearless one, for he was the first person Taekwoon had ever seen sitting on the dreadfully soft sofa he had come to fear and had noticed that Sanghyuk, Wonshik and Hongbin all avoided. Wonshik had taken to sit on the floor beside Hakyeon’s feet, using his knees as an armrest of sorts, while Hongbin had taken one of the two foldable chairs. When Taekwoon and Sanghyuk came over, Sanghyuk was evil enough to quickly sit down on the last foldable chair – dooming Taekwoon to once again drown in the brown sofa.

He was now sure Hakyeon was the only reason that evil piece of furniture still existed in the apartment. When he sat down he felt the familiar sense of loss of vertigo and quickly tipped backwards into a half-lying-down position that made his back feel strained. He could see Sanghyuk eyeing him with mischievous attention and felt an embarrassed blush rise. The other three were thankfully busy discussing Instagram still. It took him several tries to find a position that could be called normal sitting, ending up with having to cross both his legs beneath him like he was sitting on the floor. He should have chosen the floor, like Wonshik, he thought after all the effort had been made.

They ate ice cream, which was indeed fancy and absolutely delicious they all agreed, and talked lightly for a while before Sanghyuk brought Taekwoon with him to his room to show him the modelling pictures and have some privacy. Taekwoon felt good about the roommates, for once. He’d been so nervous, but they had been very open and friendly towards him and seemed to be making an effort at not making him feel awkward. That might have been Sanghyuk’s doing, but he’d never know the truth of that.

He sat down on Sanghyuk’s desk chair and swirled around while Sanghyuk dug through a pile of folders until he found the right one.

“I’ve collected all the photos Hongbin’s ever done of me that’s been posted or published.” He said, handing the folder over with a shrug. “You know, for memory’s sake.”

Taekwoon smiled at him fondly and then opened the folder to have a look. He already knew Hongbin was a talented photographer, his works covered the walls and every naked corner of the apartment, and he especially loved the candid photo of Sanghyuk working at his desk. What he didn’t know, was how good he was at capturing completely new and unknown sides of Sanghyuk. As he flipped through the various images, most of them out on the street or in a park and with casual-looking clothing on, he was seeing versions of Sanghyuk he had never seen before. Hakyeon was right, in a way; it was strong stuff. It was actually kind of hard to watch because it made him realise how much of Sanghyuk he had yet to get to know, even though he had known him for so long. It saddened and excited him all at the same time.

Sanghyuk had sat himself down on top of his desk and was reading Taekwoon’s blank thinking expression nervously. “What do you think?”

To that he had no proper answer. He had too many thoughts and they were impossible to gather into a sensible sentence. “They’re stunning.” He said, but it left him unsatisfied, so he added: “You and Hongbin are really talented, both of you.”

It seemed to please Sanghyuk well enough, for he smiled bashfully and averted his eyes. Taekwoon closed the folder and handed it back.

“Do you like modelling?” He asked softly and Sanghyuk nodded and shrugged at the same time.

“I like modelling for Hongbin, because he knows me. Hakyeon had me model for some other photographers last year and it was really uncomfortable. I don’t really want to do that again, to be honest.” He answered, sounding a little distant. Taekwoon wondered if he had been uncomfortable simply because he didn’t know the photographers personally, or they had done something to make him feel uncomfortable. He hoped they hadn’t, but it rather seemed they had judging by Sanghyuk’s faraway expression.

“It really shows that he knows you in the images. He’s able to summon parts of you we don’t normally get to see.” Taekwoon said and surprised himself with the level of insight he was giving. He wasn’t normally one to go deep on a vocal level, rather keeping it contained in his mind. The words made Sanghyuk snap back though, and he eyed Taekwoon thoughtfully.

“I suppose he does.” He said them, a small smile forming on his lips. Taekwoon felt himself go soft at the sight, his mind feeling light but at the same time his body felt warm and heavy. In his stomach his emotions were stirring, having a party. He lifted a hand and found Sanghyuk’s neck, gently guiding his face towards his own so he could kiss him softly.

“I can’t wait to get to know more of you.” He murmured softly when they parted, and the words made his own heart jump and Sanghyuk’s breathing stop. They kissed again, slow and soft.

“I need to show you something.” Sanghyuk then said so softly it was almost a whisper. Taekwoon leaned back and brought his hand back to his lap to give him space to move.

Sanghyuk opened a drawer on the desk he sat on and pulled out a black, familiar looking notebook. Taekwoon’s heartrate increased. _It couldn’t be…_

“Do you remember giving me this?” Sanghyuk asked him and handed him the very black Moleskine Taekwoon had gifted Sanghyuk back when he first noticed he liked sketching buildings. He accepted the book like it was the most precious, costly thing.

“Yes.” He answered breathily. He opened the book and it was full of sketches of buildings, houses, people, plants. The pages were crinkled and worn, some covered in spots of moisture having dried up.

“That’s when I decided I wanted to be an architect. When you gave me that book and told me to use it for my sketches. I only thought of them as pointless doodles before that, but you gave them a place and a purpose and that really put things into perspective for me.”

Taekwoon looked at him in surprise and quiet awe. Never had he ever imagined he had such influence on someone else’s life. The thought of him being part of the reason Sanghyuk had found his dream was far beyond what he could imagine. Sanghyuk smiled adorably at him, probably, making a very stupidly astonished face.

“I did?” He said in a high voice, sounding like a child. Sanghyuk cracked up.

“Yes! Yes, you did. And all with a notebook.” 

“That’s insane.”

“It’s the butterfly effect.” Sanghyuk said, still smiling fondly.

“What?” Taekwoon asked confusedly, not knowing what that meant.

“Look it up sometime.”

“Okay.” And he would, later, if he remembered anything beyond that beautiful smile on his face. He continued looking at the sketches, sometimes commenting on how he recognised buildings from where they used to live. There were several sketches of the house Sanghyuk and Jaehwan’s parents owned, a small townhouse in Seoul where Sanghyuk and Jaehwan had shared a bedroom. When Taekwoon lived there they had set up a bed for him in a small room that was supposed to be an office but ended up being storage. They had cleared it as much as they could for him, but the room had still been a lot smaller than he’d had at home. But he had been grateful for a bed to sleep in after what happened with his own parents.

“Thank you for showing me this.” He said when he handed the book back after looking through it for a long while. It was getting late and he needed to get back to the hotel room and sleep soon. He didn’t want to leave. He wanted to grab a hold of Sanghyuk and just hold him for the rest of the night until they both fell asleep on his bed.

Sanghyuk slipped the book back into the drawer and hopped down from the desk. Taekwoon moved to get up too, for no real reason, so that they were standing side by side. He snuck an arm around Sanghyuk’s waist and shuffled him closer to give him a quick kiss on his temple.

“I had a good time tonight.” He said softly and Sanghyuk smiled at him.

“Good. I was hoping you would.” Sanghyuk answered, turning himself so they were facing each other and gave Taekwoon a small peck on the lips. “I wanted them to see why I like you.”

Taekwoon blushed slightly, feeling a little self-conscious. “I’d like to know why too.” He mumbled, his mind slipping out of his mouth in a moment of betrayal. A bright red blush flushed across his cheeks when he realised, and he averted his eyes quickly. But Sanghyuk’s hand caught a hold of Taekwoon’s cheek and lifted it so they had to look each other in the eye.

“Hyung.” Sanghyuk started and paused, waiting for Taekwoon to stop looking away and actually look at him. “I’ve liked you ever since you lived in our house. And I never stopped liking you, but I gave up on you back then. I’ve spent almost ten years of my life liking a man I thought was in love with my brother, but now that man is here in Berlin all of a sudden and he’s willing to let me kiss him.” He continued when Taekwoon finally looked at him. His words were soft and earnest, and it really sounded like he was completely baffled any of this had ever happened.

“More than willing.” Taekwoon murmured and gave him a soft kiss. Sanghyuk couldn’t stop smiling while they kissed so he was unable to make it deeper, though he wanted to.

“Is that reason enough to like you?” Sanghyuk asked when they parted, still smiling. Taekwoon hummed and nodded.

“Plenty.” He said and let Sanghyuk’s lips swallow the word.

\--

Monday morning came like an unpleasant splash of cold water in the face, with the reality shoving itself into Taekwoon’s consciousness. He was nervous for the meeting he would have that day and how the German side of the deal would handle his new strategy. He woke up before his alarm feeling tense and uneasy, his dreams bringing him into examples of worst case scenarios.

When the meeting finally adjourned to be resumed the next day, after hours of discussion and making things as clear as possible, Taekwoon felt a little more settled. It went according to his own plan, the German side seeming more lenient to his demands now, though it was clear they were not pleased with the change of balance in power. Taekwoon was now in the lead, which was a risky position to be in when representing his company on his own. It was not advised to make such an approach when lacking support from more people, but Sungrok had told him that at the moment they didn’t really have a choice. They had been trying to simply plow right over him, overpowering him because he was in a more vulnerable position, and he needed to show that was not possible.

He felt firm on his decision when he returned to the hotel and did another video call to Sungrok to report the changes. Other than to be cautious, Sungrok didn’t tell him much. Just continue the direction he was going.

So, when on Tuesday morning he woke up to a message from Kang Sora, asking him to join her for breakfast in a coffeeshop across the street from his hotel, he didn’t think much of it. She had been quiet and reserved ever since he changed his strategy, but he had ended up assuming it was because she needed to adjust the change in climate around the deal.

However, when he arrived at the coffeeshop and greeted her with a friendly smile and light mood and she greeted him back with pure professionalism as if they were having a business meeting, Taekwoon felt his stomach sink into the depths of worry.

Their breakfast was already at the table, Taekwoon’s usual latte waiting for him by his empty seat. He sat down carefully, his light mood out the window and smile long gone. Sora sat down after him and folded her hands on the table.

“Taekwoon-ssi.”

“Yes?”

“As you may have noticed, your sudden change of strategy has caused a bit of a ruckus on our side of the deal.”

“Naturally.”

“And in the light of the new changes, our head of the operation – my boss – has decided on a more direct approach.”

Taekwoon could barely breathe. He had no idea what that meant in Germany, but at home in Korea it was certainly not good. But he kept his face blank, giving off a rigid façade of unmoving strength.

“He wonders what your company would say if they knew you spent your free time in Berlin kissing young boys in hotel hallways?”


	12. Screaming Underneath the Surface

_And I know I'm dead on the surface_   
_But I am screaming underneath_   
_“Amsterdam” – Coldplay_

 

_“What would your company say if they knew you spent your free time in Berlin kissing young boys in hotel hallways?”_

The words rang in his head like a terrible song had gotten stuck and was playing on loop. He was on his back on top of his bedcovers back at the hotel, after coming straight back when Sora left.

They had given him two days to reconsider his approach. Or they would leak images of him and Sanghyuk making out outside his hotel room to his company.

He couldn’t believe it.

It felt impossible.

Like he had been shoved into a movie.

He knew it wasn’t entirely impossible to be faced with blackmail like that, in Korea it was really quite common in business. Especially when Chaebol companies were involved and it all turned much, much more personal. But he never imagined it happening during international business. For all he knew, European countries had strict rules against such methods.

He felt entirely lost on what to do. What he could do. Of what his rights were. If he could even call Sungrok for advice on this. Sungrok didn’t know he was gay. In fact; the only people who knew were his friends and family outside of work. As a legal representative he never thought his sexual orientation would ever have a matter. Besides; his company had never asked him to inform them either, so it was not like he had lied. They simply were not aware. And he had no idea of what would happen if they knew.

On one hand, if he was lucky, nothing could happen. They would ignore the fact and let him work like before. On the other hand, they might find it uncomfortable and think it would negatively affect their company and his work. That would mean they would fire him, and every future company he would then apply to work at would also know his orientation before he even had the job, if they called up on his references.

It made him incredibly uncomfortable to think of his sexuality being flaunted out into public like that. He was not ashamed of it, that wasn’t it, he just felt it was very private. He was sure he wouldn’t go around talking about his attraction to women if he were straight either. He didn’t want people thinking of him in that way at all. About what he did with people he loved.

Despite his utter horror at Sora’s words in the coffeeshop, he had kept his cool on the surface. It was one of the things he was good at; looking completely unmoved when attacked or hurt by words. It was an art he had perfected through years of vocal abuse from his father. He would never give him the satisfaction of seeing how much his words hurt him.

He could see it in her expression, by how she grit her teeth, that his reaction had not given the visual impact she had been hoping for, and he hoped that would make her think that his company already knew. It was an idea; to convince them not to tell because his company was already aware and wouldn’t care at all.

He thought it was a sound approach.

But he still didn’t feel confident about facing the issue alone. Despite how nerve wrecking it felt, he was actually grateful they had given him two days to regroup.

He spent the entire day looking through his notes and trying to figure out how he would explain the issue to Sungrok in order to get help from him. He knew Sungrok very well and was partly confident it wouldn’t matter to him that he was gay, but the thought of telling him still felt dreadful. What if he was hurt from not being told before? They’d known each other for several years, but the subject had never come up between them. It was one of the reasons he liked Sungrok so much; he didn’t pester him with questions like “are you dating?” or “I have a blind date for you!” or “Wanna come on a double blind date?” and the worst of them all: “When are you getting married?”. Most of his co-workers went on and on about dating and marriage, and Taekwoon absolutely hated the subject. And so did Sungrok, so they kept to themselves a lot during lunchbreaks and company dinners. And Taekwoon was infinitely grateful for it.

He was confident Sungrok wouldn’t tell the company if he told him, so that was indeed an option. An option he had been avoiding for years in fear of losing his only friend within the company and a dear mentor in general.

His thoughts were only interrupted by a knock on his door. For a moment he was confused, not understanding who it could possibly be, but then he realised with dread that he had been ignoring messages from Sanghyuk all day.

He was probably worried sick. He immediately felt guilty, and got up to quickly open the door. A gush of air from the hallway rushes in when he flings open the door and Sanghyuk’s eyes turn big in slight shock.

“Ohh, good, you’re alive.” Sanghyuk says with a sigh that makes his rigid shoulders collapse. Taekwoon smiles apologetically at him and steps aside so he can come in, but Sanghyuk doesn’t move. With Sora’s words at the back of his head, Taekwoon feels the jitters rise up his spine. He’s anxious to get Sanghyuk inside and close the door, but the younger wasn’t moving. He’s only looking at him, frowning. After a full minute of nothing, Taekwoon’s nerves got the best of him and he grabbed Sanghyuk’s hand and yanked him inside – a little more forcefully than was necessary.

“Hey!” Sanghyuk yelped and sounded genuinely aggravated. Taekwoon let him go immediately and closed the door with a bang.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea you come here anymore.” It pained him to say it and shame burned in his gut for being so cowardly. It wasn’t a good solution, but it was an immediate one that could protect Sanghyuk from getting further involved.

Sanghyuk’s face fell. “What?”

Taekwoon ran a shaky hand through his hair, the weight and stress of it all just about bursting through him. He almost felt like crying, for he was feeling so hopeless at the moment.

“The company. They’re not happy and now they’re using you against me.”

Sanghyuk froze. The words were unbelievable, Taekwoon knew. Sounding too much like something from a tv drama than something that could happen to them. But it had and now he had to deal with it. Somehow.

“What do you mean they’re using me? I haven’t talked to anyone about you.” Sanghyuk said, voice soft. He’s scared, Taekwoon realised when he dared to look at his eyes.

“They’re watching me.” Taekwoon answered, struggling to keep his voice from shaking. Ohh, how he wanted to hug him and be comforted. _Tell me it’ll be alright. Please._

“What, they’re stalking you?” Sanghyuk’s voice hardened and eyes dart around the room as if there would be cameras.

“No, I don’t think so. Someone saw us in the hallway. Kissing.”

Sanghyuk’s jaw clenched.

“They’re using it to blackmail me, Hyuk-ah, I don’t know what to do.” He said then, closing his eyes and dropping himself onto the sofa by the window. Sanghyuk rushed over to him and sat down in the opposite seat.

“They can do that?”

“Apparently.”

“I thought blackmailing was illegal.”

“I don’t know what they can and cannot do, I don’t know.” Taekwoon whined, pinching the bridge of his nose. His head hurt immensely. There was so much to do and all he wanted to do was lie down and sleep forever.

“How exactly are they blackmailing you?” Sanghyuk asked.

“My orientation. My company doesn’t know, and you know how it is back home. It’ll be a scandal, I’m sure of it.”

Sanghyuk huffed, sounding just as frustrated as Taekwoon felt. He got up and started pacing while Taekwoon massaged his forehead to try ease the pain.

He spent a long while thinking while pacing, not saying anything but muttering here and there. At some point he washed his hands in the bathroom, but Taekwoon could only hear what he was doing because his eyes refused to open and face the light.

“I’m not stopping to see you. I refuse.” Sanghyuk’s voice was suddenly close. He spoke fast but determined. “Not when you’re leaving so soon. Not after what we shared.”

 _What we shared._ Taekwoon thought that sounded so magic, he almost forgot about the situation and blushed. It made his eyes open, finally.

“There has to be something you can do?” Sanghyuk’s eyes were aflame. Full of spirit. What Taekwoon wouldn’t give to have some of that spirit at that moment.

“There is, I just need to figure it out. They gave me two days to change my part of the deal.”

“You’re not doing it, are you?” Sanghyuk sat back down beside him, knees on the sofa, facing him.

“I might have to, Hyuk-ah, if I don’t find another way soon. I only have tomorrow left.”

It all felt so hopeless. All his energy had drained out of him.

Where was his fighting spirit?

The very spirit that had him study law.

He needed it now more than ever.

“I’m so stressed out and tired from all this, I can’t think.” He murmured.

The next moment, Sanghyuk’s arm was around his shoulder. His warmth covered him and gave him comfort. A hand cupped his cheek and a tiny peck landed on his lips. It felt like Sanghyuk was protecting him.

“We’ll figure something out.” He said softly, resting his forehead on Taekwoon’s. Taekwoon closed his eyes and let his tension go. Let it drain out of him like a river. His shoulders relaxed, his jaw unclenched, the pressure in his head lightened a little.

“I’ll ask Hakyeon about it later, he probably knows about the rules and so on. Maybe they’re just trying to scare you into acting rashly or something.”

Tiredness crippled Taekwoon once again and he cursed it for always doing so when the two of them are having a moment. He hummed in agreement to Sanghyuk’s words and leaned into his forehead with a sigh. In return Sanghyuk’s arms tightened around him and he sighed as well.

“No matter what I’m here for you.” Sanghyuk murmured. It made Taekwoon’s stomach flutter and so it perked him up. He inhaled deeply and straightened up in his seat, rolling his shoulders back until he felt the stretch. Sanghyuk smiled at him.

“Sorry for ignoring your messages.” Taekwoon said. He’d face things. One at a time. Sanghyuk came first. Sanghyuk shook his head.

“I was a worried mostly, then I got annoyed when you wouldn’t explain yourself. But it’s alright, I know why now.” He answered and smiled reassuringly. “After what I told you last night I was scared I had pushed too far.” He dropped his head, suddenly very interested in his hands in his lap.

Taekwoon frowned in confusion at first, before a sudden flashback hit him like a slap in his face.

_“I’ve spent almost ten years of my life liking a man I thought was in love with my brother”_

Heat rose all over his body. His gut, his face, his ears, you name it. He hadn’t forgotten, but it _had_ slipped his mind for the day.

Sanghyuk had most certainly not pushed too far. On the contrary; he had found the exact button to push and pushed it hard. It had been exactly what Taekwoon had needed to hear to rid of all his questions about them.

Now all he had to do was rid Sanghyuk of the very same questions.

He wasn’t good at expressing himself in words, he never had been. He had always been much better at speaking for others, which made him survive as a lawyer. So, he didn’t exactly know how to express to the other how his feelings had changed after he arrived in Berlin. How Sanghyuk had captivated him in a way no other man ever had. And how he had so swiftly rid himself of the image as a little brother.

He would have to figure that bit out later, for at the moment it was taking too much time and thought, when all he wanted was to kiss him.

So he did. Hard. Swooped in across the sofa, climbed on top of his lap and framed his face in his hands. A moan rewarded him and he let his hand slide up into the hair at the back of Sanghyuk’s head and pulled, forced them to part in a way that made Sanghyuk gasp and moan at the same time. His eyes were alight. Wild and full of life. Full of want and lust.

Taekwoon wanted it all.

Sanghyuk’s warm hands slid up his thighs, around his ass and continued up and beneath his shirt. His skin trembled at the touch of his fingers finding their way around his back, back up his chest, sliding the fabric upwards and then off over Taekwoon’s head. Sanghyuk pulled away from their heated kiss to kiss his chest. Found his nipples and kissed them too, which made Taekwoon moan from how sensitive he felt. How it felt like Sanghyuk was kissing him with fire on his lips. It felt so good it almost hurt.

His hips moved at the sensations, grinding their crotches together and it made them both gasp. There were at least four layers of fabric between them and they still gasped as if their cocks had stroked each other. It made Sanghyuk quickly find his mouth again. His hips had bucked at the contact, and now they weren’t stopping. They moved against each other, panting in between short and messy kisses.

Taekwoon felt mildly panicked when he slowly realised he was reaching the edge soon and they had only shed a single piece of clothing yet. It had been too long since he had been touched like that. Too long since he had felt so wanted. Far too long since he had wanted someone so much.

He wanted to stop, to savour it, at the same time as he desperately needed them to move faster. To push him over into ecstasy already so he could have his relief. But he gathered his will and grabbed a hold of Sanghyuk’s cheek to make him look at him properly.

“Don’t make me come.” He said with much effort, face aflame from being so direct. “Not yet.”

Sanghyuk had the audacity to smirk, which almost did it for Taekwoon, but stopped moving. He pushed Taekwoon lightly, so he climbed off his lap, and then he got up and extended a hand for Taekwoon to take.

Taekwoon was led over to the window, where the usual breath-taking night view of Berlin was on display, and Sanghyuk led him forward so he was standing behind Taekwoon and Taekwoon was right up in the glass.

He’s nervous all of a sudden, the thought of the glass being see-through, breakable, stainable… everything was rushing over him until he felt Sanghyuk’s excitement up against his ass and arms were sneaking their way around his waist with deliberate slowness. He moaned. He couldn’t help it. He would whimper if it didn’t make him feel absolutely mortified.

Sanghyuk sucked his neck, bit at the nape of his shoulder and nuzzled his nose against his earlobe – which made goose bumps spread all across his back. All things that made his breathing laboured and his jeans too tight for words. Of course; hands that weren’t his soon found a solution to that and he moaned at the feeling of the jean button popping open and the immediate increase in space as well as excitement filled him up like an electric current.

“Oh God-“ Was all he could exclaim. He couldn’t form words. Or thoughts.

He could feel him against him from behind. He could feel his hands finding their way to his own source of immense discomfort and pleasure all at once. And with his hand alone, Sanghyuk drove him over the edge so hard he had to lean against the window to keep himself standing, hips bucking against Sanghyuk’s hand as he cried out with release with his forehead against the cold glass and his breath making its mark.

\--

Sanghyuk had fetched him a glass of water. He was hoarse, and still panting slightly. His skin was buzzing with the aftermath, tingling. They sat on the floor, their backs against the window. Taekwoon had put his t-shirt back on and their shoulders and knees were side by side, touching gingerly. They were both feeling a bit shy, so they didn’t say much. Only muttered thanks and answering simple question’s like “are you cold?” or “did you eat yet?”.

Sanghyuk had eaten before he came. Taekwoon hadn’t eaten since he left the coffeeshop, but he nodded all the same when Sanghyuk had asked him the same question back. He praised his stomach for not rumbling. It was too late for food anyway; he needed to sleep early and get up early to deal with his problems. Eating so late would only hinder him from falling asleep and make the next day harder than it needed to be.

They both knew Sanghyuk needed to leave soon, but they also refused to act upon it. Instead they leaned against each other for a long while in the silence, relishing in the air they had between them. The peace they felt from each other.

At least that matter was settled, Taekwoon thought. He didn’t have to worry about Sanghyuk’s intentions on top of everything else. It made it easier to fight for him too, like he wanted. Not that he thought the companies would tear them apart, but it would make things more difficult if everything went south.

Worst case scenario was: Taekwoon getting fired for being gay and spending his free time with another gay man.

Even as a worst case scenario, it wasn’t all that bad, he thought. He could find another job. Or start his own practise. He had savings and no debts beside his student loans – and they were almost paid off because he had received scholarships his entire way through university. He could maybe finally go do what he had initially dreamed of doing; helping those who couldn’t afford expensive lawyers.

His thoughts made him hopeful. Maybe he wasn’t in too much of a jam after all. He looked over at Sanghyuk beside him and noticed he had closed his eyes and seemed to be drifting. He had his head lulled back against the window and his arms rested on top of his knees. Taekwoon leaned over and kissed his cheek.

“Thank you for coming.” He murmured, half expecting Sanghyuk to not hear him but was surprised to see his eyes fly open – wide awake – and turn to look at him in question. “I feel a lot better now.” Taekwoon added with a small smile.

Sanghyuk smiled back in the way that made his eyes disappear. “You’re welcome.”

\--

_Hakyeon hyung wants you to come over and talk. I think he has a solution for your problem._

The text that woke Taekwoon up in the morning felt like both good and bad news to him. He still didn’t trust Hakyeon simply for being a chaebol. He didn’t want to know his ideas if they were of the stereotypical scandalous kind.

But even so; he decided to go. Coffee in hand and breakfast just about inhaled from how hungry he had been in the morning, he took a taxi to their apartment with a folder full of papers.

If talking to Hakyeon could give him a way to avoid coming out to Sungrok over a videochat, he felt up for it.

Hakyeon and Sanghyuk were the only ones home, Hongbin and Wonshik out shooting and apparently Hakyeon was supposed to be with them but he stayed for Taekwoon’s sake. It humbled Taekwoon a little to know and he felt a bit guilty for doubting his advice before he’d even heard what he had to offer. The three of them sat by the kitchen island on the three stools with Taekwoon’s notes in front of them, Sanghyuk in the middle. He’d carefully selected notes that didn’t really reveal any information, as the business deal was confidential until resolved. He also knew Hakyeon, despite being lowkey banished to live abroad, still had a say in his family’s company – a rival to his own. Though, despite himself, he trusted Hakyeon to be professional about the matter and not bring that into the mix. Hakyeon had decided to help as a friend of Sanghyuk, not as a business associate.

Taekwoon sipped his tea in silence while Hakyeon skimmed his notes with unexpected sincerity. Sanghyuk peeked over his shoulder to read, while a warm hand rested on Taekwoon’s thigh. Taekwoon had eyed the hand for several moments when it first had been placed there, until its presence felt natural and he could breathe normally again.

His tea was almost finished when Hakyeon took a deep breath and pushed the notes away from himself. “You’re in a bit of a jam, aren’t you?” He said then, tone light and friendly. Taekwoon nodded, not knowing really what to expect from then on.

“Not to worry, there’s always a way with these people.” Hakyeon said as he got up from his seat with his cup of tea in hand, pouring it into the sink for being too cold and turning the water boiler back on.

“So,” He started, rummaging the tea selection for what he wanted. “they want you to take back your bold proposal and just agree with the terms they initially suggested, am I right?”

“Yes.” Taekwoon answered.

“And when presenting said bold proposal you expected them to want to compromise and end up with more agreeable terms for both sides, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Instead they immediately jump to blackmailing you, as if you’ve been rigidly standing by this proposal that is less beneficial to them.”

“That’s correct.” Taekwoon answers again, not really understanding why Hakyeon was making a summary. He supposed he might have been sorting out his thoughts by saying them out loud.

“So, if you were to suggest a compromise that would be a bit of a risk, right?” Hakyeon still had his back turned, but seemed to have finally found the teabag he wanted and placed it in his cup. In the background the water was boiling.

Taekwoon had considered the thought, but it did indeed seem a tad too risky for his own comfort. He said yes again.

“The German side does not know whether my company knows I’m gay or not. They’re only assuming as much.” He added. That made Hakyeon turn around just as he was about to pour the boiling water into his cup.

“Did your reaction give you away in any way when they threatened you?” Hakyeon asked quickly, eyes alight like Sanghyuk’s.

Taekwoon shook his head. “Not at all.”

Hakyeon grinned and turned back around with the boiler in his hand to pour the water. He added a bit of honey to the tea and turned around to lean against the counter right in front of Taekwoon, set his cup down in front of him and stirred slowly with a teaspoon.

“That’s good news. We can use that to your benefit.”

Taekwoon straightened, recognising the thought as his own. “Yes. I was thinking maybe I can convince them my company already knows.” He said and earned an approving look from Hakyeon.

“There’s a certain risk to it, but it might just be our best shot.” He said, nodding slowly in thought.

“You mean they might contact his company and check?” Sanghyuk asked, frowning. “Isn’t that a bit weird?”

Hakyeon sighed. “When it comes to business, I’m afraid it takes a lot more to cross the line than you’d think.” His eyes cast down as he said it, showing that he knew it all too well.

Taekwoon could only nod in agreement. He knew all too well from working in the legal department. Hakyeon turned to him and he straightened again. Hakyeon had a natural sense of authority about him, and he kind of hated how he reacted to it so easily.

“You’d think your company would send more people over if this deal is so important.” He said, looking thoughtful. Taekwoon felt uncomfortable right away from having his company questioned about their ways.

“This deal was supposed to be simple. Come here, discuss for a few days, sign and leave. I was never prepared for the amount of trouble this deal has caused, and same goes for my company.” He said, letting the tiredness he felt about it all bleed through his tone. Sanghyuk’s hand on his thigh squeezed but Sanghyuk’s eyes were on the counter. He really _did_ dislike it whenever he mentioned leaving.

Hakyeon nodded slowly, sipping his tea. “I see.”

They were silently in thought all three for several minutes until Hakyeon had finished his tea and the sound of his cup being set down brought them all back to reality.

“So, we have a plan A I suppose.” Hakyeon said, placing his cup in the sink.

“I think it might be my best option, but I’ll look into it more today and see if I find anything safer. I have until tomorrow to figure it out, after all.” Taekwoon said, handing him his own empty cup when he motioned for it. He felt a million kilos lighter after talking about it with someone else and very grateful towards Hakyeon for helping. They had settled on his own plan but having a second voice of opinion on it gave him much needed confidence. He flashed a grateful smile at Sanghyuk, who smiled in return. He looked sad, he realised. He hoped he wasn’t blaming himself for what happened in the hallway. He leaned over, seeing as Hakyeon’s back was turned and he was busy washing their cups, and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” He whispered and Sanghyuk nodded once.

How the roles had reversed since the night before. He had a feeling it was going to be the way of things between them. Their roles being tossed back and forth, creating a strange kind of balance between them. It ought to be a good thing, he thought.

Hakyeon turned back around, drying his hands on a towel. “As for plan B, I have one already.” He said suddenly. Taekwoon tilted his head in question and surprise.

“If, despite our efforts, worst case scenario _does_ happen, and your company decides to rid of you, I’ll personally make sure you’ll be hired in my father’s company in no time.” He declared, actually looking rather aggravated by the mere thought of it happening. He held a hand up as if Taekwoon was about to protest, which he wasn’t. “I will _not_ have a decent person lose his career simply because of his orientation. Not on my watch.” He said, sounding rather like a politician. Taekwoon couldn’t help but blush.

“I was thinking of going on my own, actually. Help people like me and those who can’t afford expensive lawyers.” He said softly. Beside him Sanghyuk looked at him with eyes so adoring Taekwoon knew he wouldn’t be able to look right into them, so he kept his eyes on the counter.

He could hear Hakyeon’s smile from his tone. “Then you can count me in as your investor.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend told me this video perfectly represents Jaehwan’s growing family in this story. He just keeps gaining more brothers, isn’t he? Link: https://youtu.be/0odUT3o-BDo?t=4m1s


	13. Be With Me Forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I’m so sorry about the sudden hiatus but this here marks my return and the beginning of the final arch of this story. I’ll try my best to be back at posting regularly!

_If I asked you now_   
_Will you be my prince?_   
_Will you lay down your armor_   
_And be with me forever?_   
_“Two Men in Love” – The Irrepressibles_

 

When Taekwoon turned on his laptop back at the hotel room a while later, there were several messages from Sungrok waiting for him. The lack of feedback from Taekwoon about the developments of his strategy had clearly made the man worry. It seemed as if the company had heard nothing of the blackmailing, though, as all the worry was centred around Taekwoon not responding to messages and Sungrok was the only who had tried to contact him. He imagined if his company had been in touch with Sora things would blow up. Way out of proportion and beyond what he could control. He didn’t know for sure, of course, but that was his fear.

He sent Sungrok a message saying they were working on a compromise, as planned, but felt dirty for lying to him. He would tell him the truth when he saw him in person. He made himself a promise that he would. Sungrok had become close enough to him that he wanted him to know. Their relationship had grown from mentor and trainee to co-workers, to full-time friends. It wasn’t often he made proper friendships with people he met at work, the relationships often strained by the hierarchy of the workplace and sense of professionalism. He shouldn’t bring his personal life to work, he always told himself.

He spent hours thinking; looking up laws and regulations online, checking the business deal for loopholes, checking how bad it would be for his company and for him if he simply agreed to their terms, but the result was too bad. His company would never approve it and in the end, it was the company that had to do the final confirmation, not him. Questions would arise if he agreed to such a thing.

A knock on his hotel room door made him jump. It had turned dark, the only light in the room was the weak beam from the bathroom door left ajar and the harsh white light from his laptop screen. His first thought was that it had to be Sanghyuk, but then he remembered telling him not to come there anymore. He frowned, confused. Could it be Hakyeon? No, he didn’t seem to have more to say and they could just text or call him through Sanghyuk anyway.

It knocked again, and he was reminded that knocking meant getting up and actually answering doors. He jumped up from his seat and rushed over to the door and checked the peephole.

Kang Sora.

She was standing right there, looking stone faced and serious. He felt a mixture of anger and stress rise in his chest immediately and took a deep breath. What more could she possibly have to say? That his time was up? It wasn’t, he still had another day. Or, well, half a day since it was night time already. He clenched his teeth at how fast time had moved. His hands clenched tight around the door handle and with one more deep breath he opened the door.

Sora’s expression went from blank but serious to apologetic the moment she saw his dark demeanour.

“Taekwoon-ssi-“  
“Kang Sora-ssi.” He answered curtly, cutting her off. She sighed, exasperated. “My deadline’s not up.” He added, tone cold. He wanted to be clear that he was infuriated by their choice of strategy. To hell with being pleasant, he felt so incredibly DONE with the whole deal.

She shook her head, looking a bit pained. “I’m here to help.”

That surprised him, his face shutting up and going blank. A trick? His mind was screaming at him it was a trap the moment the words left her lips. He grabbed for the door to close it in her face, but her eyes were watching him, and she stepped forward before he could move the door.

“No, really, I-“ She stuttered a little, frowning. She shook her head, as if it would un-jumble her words. “I’m sorry.” She said decisively. He scoffed. He couldn’t help himself. It seemed too ridiculous. What was this? Was she taking it all back? As if they were in High School and she had merely said the wrong thing? He didn’t offer her any reply. Only silence.

“I followed orders and I feel awful.” She paused to huff. “Really. Awful.” Her voice turned soft at that last word and Taekwoon’s blank face softened at the tone. He might be a fool for thinking it, but she did seem genuine.

“I like you-“ Her voice caught and she blushed slightly at the words, the choice of Korean vocabulary clumsy for the first time since they met. “I mean I think you’re a nice person.” She corrected herself. Taekwoon tilted his head, showing that he was listening. A flash of relief showed in her eyes and she was encouraged to move on.

“I don’t want this on my conscience. I thought I could, but I can’t, so I’m gonna try to help you in some way.” She said, finally, and crossed her arms in a way that made her look very determined to not let him throw the door in her face even if he tried.

He wouldn’t.

As much as he hated to admit it, he could really use her help. The plan he had made together with Hakyeon was risky at best, and he had been losing faith in it throughout the day. With her help he could get some inside information on what her company knew about him and what their actual goal was.

He stepped to the side. “Come on in then.”

\--

Sanghyuk hadn’t spoken to Jaehwan for months. If there was one backside to being in university, it was how ridiculously fast time started moving and how out of touch with the rest of the world you became. Sanghyuk felt like he lived in a bubble while he lived in Berlin. Seoul was an entire world away both in literal and mental sense. When Taekwoon had arrived, it was like someone had opened a door and let in a draft. Suddenly he had been reminded of what he had left behind at home; a brother and friend, a family that supported him and his dream, a forgotten dream of love with the man of his dreams.

Had he really forgotten?

Or, maybe just stored away. There were traces all around. The notebook Taekwoon had given him, carefully stored in his desk, the photo he had of Taekwoon, Jaehwan and himself hugging each other’s shoulders when he graduated High School, which he kept in his wallet. His dream itself. The dreams he sometimes would have at night. Little pieces of Taekwoon all over, always making sure Sanghyuk never completely let go of what he essentially thought was never going to happen.

Then a door had opened, and a draft hit him in the face in the form of businessman Taekwoon showing up at his doorstep in a fucking suit.

He had to admit he had gone a little overboard with his forwardness ever since that day, which had been only two weeks ago – WOW time was fast – but then again, it had proven successful as an unintended tactic. He was very happy he hadn’t wasted more time holding back what he wanted to do and say, because then they would have even less time together before he left again.

That’s right; he was leaving again too. The thought immediately made him feel heavy at heart. He didn’t know what would happen to them then. He knew what he wanted, but he had no idea of what Taekwoon wanted. Not how he felt about him either, really. He hadn’t shared his mind much. Granted; work was keeping his mind rather occupied. The upcoming weekend was their last weekend together, and Taekwoon’s mind was pretty occupied. He wanted to curse the German company for making things more difficult for them. While Sanghyuk felt like he could jump out of his skin with jitters from wanting to know how Taekwoon’s counter plan to the blackmail was going, his eyes had caught the sight of a certain wedding invitation resting on his desk.

It was about time he called Jaehwan again.

He did some simple math and figured out when he could call in order to catch Jaehwan at a time he would most likely be home from his rehearsal. The most recent email from his brother had told him all about him being casted in another musical, with a main role this time. Even with hastily written words and Jaehwan’s mediocre grammar, his excitement about the role had been showing as if he had told him in person. Sanghyuk was happy he wasn’t the only son in the family able to follow his dreams. In that sense they were beyond fortunate, both of them.

The videocall rang for a long time, so long he almost gave up, before Jaehwan’s toothy smile appeared on Sanghyuk’s screen and instantly filled his chest with joy and adoration, as well as longing.

“Hey!!!” Jaehwan’s high pitched greeting beamed through the earphones and Sanghyuk couldn’t help but laugh heartily. It felt so good to hear from him again.

“Hey hyung.”

“How are you? Everything alright? How’s Taekwoon? Did you get the invitation? You know we’re waiting to marry so you can be there too, right?” Jaehwan immediately served up a storm of questions and didn’t stop until his little brother held a hand up to the camera.

“I’m good, Taekwoon-hyung is fine, yes, I got the invite, that’s why I called. I wanted to say thank you.” He answered softly, counting down the answers with his fingers showing in front of the camera. He loved teasing him and it made them both smile, and Jaehwan’s eyes crinkled when he smiled and it was Sanghyuk’s favourite feature on him.

“No need to thank me, Hyuk-ah, it wouldn’t be a wedding if you weren’t here.”

“Yeah, well, thanks anyway. Please tell Dohee for me, yeah?” He smiled softly at the image of Jaehwan doing the same.

The door to Sanghyuk’s room cracked opened carefully and he turned to see Taekwoon step in. Sanghyuk lit up, immediately full of questions about the blackmail, but – minding Jaehwan listening in – he kept the questions to himself. He didn’t know what Taekwoon wanted Jaehwan to know.

“Hey, I got Jaehwan on video. How’d it go?” He asked instead. Taekwoon looked more tired than ever, but he smiled a little and gave him a thumbs up. Good, then. In some way. He was dying to know more. He unplugged the earphones and got out of his chair, motioning for Taekwoon to sit down while he ran out to get another chair.

“Hyung, you can ask Taekwoon-hyung how he’s doing yourself now.” Sanghyuk threw at Jaehwan, who was waving excitedly, before stepping out.

“Why do you look so tired, Hyung? Don’t tell me you’re only working and not taking your time to enjoy your trip at all?” Jaehwan was rattling at Taekwoon when Sanghyuk returned with the chair for himself. Taekwoon was already giving himself one of those forehead massages he did whenever he had a headache, so Sanghyuk jumped in as soon as he was seated.

“We’ve been out sightseeing a lot actually, though mostly on weekends.” He said, subtly letting his hand come to rest at Taekwoon’s lower back while the older was leaned forward with his elbows resting on the desk. Jaehwan nodded in approval, but his worried frown wasn’t budging. He was waiting for Taekwoon to add in something.

“Work’s been harder than anticipated, that’s all Jaehwan-ah. Don’t worry, I’m just jetlagged.” Taekwoon said softly with the assuring tone he always used when Jaehwan became fussy. The tone that Sanghyuk always assumed had been loaded with love-like affection but being presented to it again after things had changed; he realised he really had been jumping to conclusions back in the day. With eyes on Taekwoon he smiled.

“How can you still be jetlagged after two weeks?” Jaehwan huffed. Sanghyuk knew that face on him; the face he made when he knew someone was holding back on him for his benefit. He didn’t like it very much.

“He hasn’t had much chance to really sleep in yet, Hyung, his schedule’s pretty packed.” Sanghyuk defended. It was clear Taekwoon didn’t want to tell Jaehwan about the blackmail, and he understood why – Jaehwan would blow up like a bomb about it, always so very protective of Taekwoon’s orientation and the various issues it caused when living in an old-fashioned country.

It made Jaehwan back away, Taekwoon changing the subject by asking Jaehwan about his rehearsals, but Sanghyuk could see the older brother knew something wasn’t right. He would probably somehow get it out of Taekwoon once he got back to Seoul, but then the issue would hopefully be over so Jaehwan wouldn’t feel like he had to do something about it.

Sanghyuk shared some details about his schoolwork lately and then decided to end the call before Taekwoon fell asleep on his desk and before he could question him a little. He wasn’t planning on drilling him when he was that tired, but he needed some answers before he could even consider going to sleep himself.

“It’s good to see you two have become so close by the way.” Jaehwan said at the very end of their goodbye. With a very Jaehwan-like wink his face disappeared from the screen as he hung up on them before they could answer him. It had made Sanghyuk’s heart skip a beat, because now he was pretty sure Jaehwan had already caught on. Taekwoon, however, did not look the least bit affected. He was back to massaging his forehead and Sanghyuk felt bad for him. He let his hand slide from Taekwoon’s lower back and up to caress the back of his head, massaging the stem of his neck carefully. “You should sleep here tonight, Hyung.” He said, almost whispering because he didn’t want to add to the apparent headache. Taekwoon sighed and nodded.

“I was hoping I could. I wanted to see you before bed, so I came without realising just how tired I am.”

“I’m glad you did.” Sanghyuk told him and guided him to a stand so he could hug him properly before leading him to the bathroom. Taekwoon groaned in his embrace, tightening the grip around Sanghyuk’s middle so hard Sanghyuk’s ribs ached.

“How are things now? At work.” He asked, voice muffled by the shoulder.

“I was able to negotiate a compromise, but it took all day. I’ve been in the meeting room since 9am.” Taekwoon said with a sigh. He didn’t sound all that relieved, but that might be due to tiredness. Sanghyuk thought about it and calculated that Taekwoon must’ve spent a good 10 hours negotiating.

“You’ve worked hard.” He told him softly, tightening his grip a moment. A hug within a hug. He could feel Taekwoon relaxing into the embrace and felt rather than heard the long sigh that came out him as he let all his tension, from what must’ve been a very difficult day, go.

“Are you going back tomorrow?” Sanghyuk asked. The next day would be a Friday, so there was hope for Taekwoon to be given a longer weekend if the company perhaps had to discuss the negotiations further. But when Taekwoon let out another sigh, Sanghyuk knew that wasn’t the case.

“We’re finishing the meeting tomorrow. I have to get there by nine.”

The way Taekwoon said it showed how much he didn’t want to go back. Sanghyuk was dying to pry but held back. It wasn’t really his business and Taekwoon already spent so much time worrying about it, he probably didn’t need Sanghyuk to remind him.

“Alright. Let’s get you to bed so you’ll be well and rested tomorrow then.”

\--

He woke up the next morning to the rustle of Taekwoon trying to leave his bed as quietly as possible. He’d wanted to get up and make him coffee and fry some eggs for him in the morning, so when he realised he’d woken up last he cursed himself inwardly.

“Morning.” He croaked, voice patchy and dry from sleep. Taekwoon was standing by the bed, stretching and yawning with his back to him, and turned to look at him. He still looked tired, but not exhausted.

“Hey. Sorry I woke you.”

“Nono, I wanted to make you breakfast anyway. What time is it?” He asked and shuffled his way out of the tangle of sheets. They had fallen asleep facing each other the night before, Taekwoon out within minutes and Sanghyuk spending a long time just watching his face slowly relax to a deep sleep.

“Oh, you don’t have to, I can get breakfast at the cafeteria at work.” Taekwoon countered, but Sanghyuk was already past him and on his way to the kitchen. He’d grabbed his phone off the nightstand on his way and glanced at the time. Taekwoon still had and hour and a half to be there, so he still had time to make him some food. The rest of the apartment was dead silent. His roomies had been playing board games in the living room the night before, while Sanghyuk had called Jaehwan. He was glad they’d been there to answer the door because he hadn’t heard the bell when Taekwoon came.

He rummaged through the cupboards until he was able to locate some toast bread tucked away. It was Hakyeon’s favourite breakfast food, so they always had it, but they didn’t have a designated spot for it. Hongbin didn’t like having things out on the benches, saying it was making the limited space look cluttered, so they always just chucked it into whatever cupboard was the closest and had enough space for it.

Fetching them two eggs each and a frying pan, Sanghyuk quickly got eggs and toast going while Taekwoon was getting ready in the bathroom. By the time Taekwoon appeared from the bathroom back in the suit and tie attire he had arrived in the night before and the clothes he’d borrowed neatly folded in his arms, the breakfast was ready and the coffee almost done, the aroma spreading in the room like a comforting embrace. He watched as Taekwoon inhaled the smell and smiled pleasantly.

Perfect.

“Thank you, Hyuk-ah.” Taekwoon sighed when he sat down in front of his plate of two buttered toasts and two sunny-side-up eggs and Sanghyuk slid over a Rudolf themed mug of coffee. Taekwoon picked it up and eyed it with amusement.

“You’re welcome.” He beamed back.

He wondered if Taekwoon had noticed all their mugs were Christmas themed. He’d never questioned why, but he knew Hongbin and Wonshik always celebrated Christmas together western style and that they always gifted each other new mugs along with their other presents. They had quite many now.

He sat down beside the older with his own plate of breakfast and they ate in a calm silence that made him feel really domestic. What if this was their future? The thought almost made him giddy, which embarrassed him a bit. He didn’t want to get his wishes too carried away, since he really didn’t know where he had Taekwoon in all of this. But he also knew Taekwoon never did anything lightly. He wanted to trust him, even though it was terrifying.

“Do you have class today?” Taekwoon asked when his food was gone and his hands were snuggling the mug for warmth.

“Yes, but it’s at noon. I’ll be home by six if you want to come over again.”

Taekwoon nodded, thoughtful.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be in meetings today, but I’d like to go get some dinner after.”

“Sure!” Sanghyuk couldn’t help but smile at the fact that the other was planning his free time around him. “And if you’re late again, we can just order in and relax at home, you know?”

Taekwoon smiled at him, looking grateful. It made Sanghyuk want to kiss him, but the coffee was in the way and he was pretty sure he had morning breath. He was still in his pyjamas even, his hair a mess and eyes crusty with sleep. Taekwoon lowered the mug from his mouth and eyed Sanghyuk as he swallowed, then leaned in for a slow kiss that made Sanghyuk’s insides turn electric.

\--

When Taekwoon had left, Sanghyuk busied himself with the dishes from the breakfast – too deep in thought to notice Hakyeon coming out of Wonshik and Hongbin’s bedroom.

“Morning.” Hakyeon sing-songed across the room, startling Sanghyuk out of his head. An abrupt motion splashed a bit of foam onto his face and Hakyeon chuckled. Wiping it away, Sanghyuk turned to him.

“Hey. When’s your flight?”

“In the afternoon. I was gonna make breakfast, but I’m guessing you’ve already eaten?” Hakyeon stopped by the bathroom door with his hand resting on the handle while he waited for an answer.

“Yeah, but I’ll join you with some cereal or something.” Sanghyuk smiled. Hakyeon was leaving for a few months, off for another project in Spain, so he wanted to spend whatever time he could together first.

“Alright. I’ll just get dressed then.”

Slowly, as the over-the-top breakfast Hakyeon was making took shape, the two remaining roomies began appearing from the bedroom with faces that spoke of a very late night and excessive activity Sanghyuk did not want to know about. He was very glad their bedrooms were separated by a thick-walled bathroom, to be sure. Wonshik looked pretty much like a walking dead before breakfast on any day, but that day he looked extra burdened by life. He always turned gloomy when Hakyeon was going away for a very long time, even if it was the nature of their relationship and it always had been. Hongbin, on the other hand, looked like a train wreck before he entered the bathroom and exited the room looking like he had had a makeover. Definitely a man with plans that day, Sanghyuk thought as he watched him check his folded shirt sleeves in the full-body mirror they had in the living room. He also caught both Hakyeon and Wonshik looking at him with eyes full of dreams.

They sat like a family around the kitchen island, Hakyeon’s efforts having produced scrambled eggs, toast and rice balls that his two lovers munched on heartily while Sanghyuk nibbled on his own cereal.

He would be sad when this normality would no longer be after school was over. He only had a little over half a year left until he was done, and it was strange to think about moving back home and starting a new life on his own. He was confident, but it was still a big and scary change. Wonshik and Hongbin seemed to be set on staying in Berlin a lot longer, but Hakyeon went to Seoul quite often to visit his family and play with his nephews. They’d be able to meet up then, hopefully.

“Did Taekwoon tell you anything about how things went at the company before he left?” Hakyeon asked. Sanghyuk shook his head.

“He only gave me a thumbs up but didn’t give away anything beyond that. It seems like they solved it somehow, though, but he didn’t seem happy either. I’m a bit worried.” He admitted, looking down at his cereal. Hongbin stroked his back for a bit to show his support.

“He didn’t say much when I let him in either, just that they were still negotiating and that he had been able to find a solution. But like you said; he didn’t really look that happy.” Hakyeon was frowning. “Let me know how things go, will you? Maybe I can help if things get worse, though I doubt it will.”

Sanghyuk nodded. He was glad he had decided to include Hakyeon, even though he had been worried Taekwoon would deem it an intrusion. Instead he had seemed genuinely grateful and relieved to have some help with solving the problem, so a huge weight had lifted from Sanghyuk’s shoulders when he realised.

“Thank you so much for helping out, Hyung. Really. It means a lot.” Sanghyuk told him. Thanks to him Sanghyuk felt like he was helping Taekwoon instead of disturbing him for once.

“No problem, Hyukkie.” Hakyeon answered, looking a little touched by the sincerity.


	14. You Came in Like a Thunderstorm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,  
> sorry about my irregular updates lately. I was hoping for a more regular routine in my writing, but sometimes life and creative juices does not align, I guess. I hope you enjoy this update. I'll have you know we're getting reaaaaally close to the ending here.

_You see, you came in like a thunderstorm_  
_Electric shivers shooting through my bones_  
_You make my heart start beating in my chest_  
_“Baby” – Anna of the North_

 

Sanghyuk’s Friday class ended early. It was supposed to keep him busy until 6 so he could stay distracted about the fact that he didn’t know when Taekwoon was off work that day. He’d said he would be in meetings all day, but didn’t know when said meetings were done. He still hadn’t heard from him when he arrived at home sometime after 5 and it made him a bit antsy not knowing when or what was going to happen. Or, well, he wasn’t completely in the dark; they had agreed on dinner. His entire walk home from campus he had been glancing at his phone just about every minute to make sure a message didn’t come through without any notification.

Only Wonshik was home, curled up in the sofa with his precious laptop and studio headphones. Beatmaking again, probably. Besides being Hongbin’s go-to model, Wonshik had his dreams and ambitions in music. Back in Seoul he had apparently been quite active in the underground hip-hop scene, Hongbin had once told him, but in Berlin all Wonshik did was the occasional DJ set at small clubs around their area and some of the parties hosted by their sponsors or Hakyeon. Sanghyuk had never heard him rap before, but he had stolen a listen or two of his beats and liked what he heard. Most of the time Wonshik’s works were top secret until he deemed them ready for other ears, which was almost never.

He didn’t look up when Sanghyuk entered the apartment, too immersed in his laptop to see and his hearing sealed in by the big headphones. Sanghyuk shuffled off his shoes and nudged them until they were placed neatly by their wardrobe by the entrance. He checked his phone again – no messages, no calls – before striding directly to the kitchen for some cereal. If he didn’t know when he was eating, he would at least quench his hunger temporarily to make waiting a bit more bearable. He had messaged Taekwoon that his class was over the moment it did, but he hadn’t even received an answer to that. He was being impatient, he knew, but after it had dawned upon him how fast time had passed and how close Taekwoon’s last day in Berlin was crawling, he was becoming increasingly nervous about their situation. Relationship? He didn’t even know if they had one.

He huffed, pouring his cereal with a bit more vigour than needed and the little wheat circles flew all over the countertop as well as his bowl.

“Shit!” He exclaimed while saving scattered pieces of cereal from falling to the floor with rushed hands.

“You doing okay there?” He heard Wonshik’s deep, raspy voice behind him, sounding amused.

“Yeah, I’m fine, just spilled some cereal.” Sanghyuk answered as he scooted the excess bits back into the box. Several circles missed the opening of the plastic bag inside the box and went into the box instead. In a flash of annoyance, he decided not to care and set the box down on the counter with a bang. He could feel Wonshik watching him in silence, so he took a deep breath to calm down.

“What’s up?” Wonshik asked, his voice closer. He had left the sofa and was leaning on the kitchen island slash kitchen table behind him. Sanghyuk took another deep breath. Of course Wonshik noticed something was up, something besides the cereal being uncooperative. He was so attuned and sensitive to his, Hakyeon and Hongbin’s moods that at times it was almost a bit much. Especially when you didn’t really want to talk about it. Sanghyuk turned and leaned his backside to the counters behind him, meeting Wonshik’s eyes.

It was a long conversation. One he wasn’t ready to have. Not when he could receive word from Taekwoon at any minute. Not when he felt like he was tearing at his seams and needed to be in one whole piece whenever Taekwoon decided they would meet that night. One word to Wonshik about how he was feeling and he would burst into a rant, he could feel it. So, he kept it in. And Wonshik out.

“It’s nothing, hyung, class was a bit frustrating is all.” He waved a hand to chase away the comforting aura of Wonshik’s presence. The silent invitation to vent.

“Alright. We can talk about it another time.” Wonshik answered, sitting down. “Make me a bowl? I haven’t eaten since breakfast this morning.”

Sanghyuk nodded and turned to grab another bowl in the cupboard. There was no use protesting that there wasn’t anything to talk about, Wonshik had him figured.

He set their two filled bowls in front of Wonshik and grabbed the soymilk from the fridge before sitting himself beside the flatmate.

“What’re you working on?” He asked the older. Wonshik pondered while chewing on his first spoon. Sanghyuk sat waiting for his own cereal to turn softer.

“Just working on some beats. The usual.” Wonshik answered; the standard answer that actually meant ‘it’s a secret’. Sanghyuk hummed.

“You and Taekwoon meeting up tonight? Or are you eating with us?” Wonshik asked, glancing at him.

“Yeah, we’re getting dinner. Or ordering in. I’m not sure when he’s off yet, I’m waiting for him to text me.”

Wonshik aa-ed like he had reached a greater understanding and Sanghyuk had to turn away to hide his flushed cheeks, hunching over his cereal.

“You guys doing good?”

Sanghyuk shrugged. He didn’t have a better answer, since he didn’t know _what_ they were.

“You’re worried about what happens when he goes back home?” Wonshik hit the spot like an acupuncturist. Sanghyuk flinched, his stomach flipping uncomfortably. He braced himself to protest.

“Hyung-”

“Alright, alright, not now. I get it.” Wonshik held his hands up, spoon dripping milk on the countertop, in defence. Sanghyuk huffed a half-laugh. “But you’re going to have to talk to him about it, you know that right? Sooner rather than later.”

Sanghyuk sighed. “Yeah, I know.” He answered, feeling himself deflate like a sad balloon. Wonshik tapped him on the back thrice, grabbed his now empty bowl and walked to the sink to rinse.

To be honest; Sanghyuk was scared to ask. For him it was quite simple; he would wait for them. He kind of already had, considering how long he’d liked him, but he knew it was a bit different now that they had both had a taste of how it was to be together. Only from having Taekwoon at work he already knew it was going to be harder to be apart. It had never been that hard before. Hell, he had almost forgot about the whole liking him thing. He was _almost_ over it. So close. Then bam! Taekwoon. At his doorstep.

The universe sure had strange ways of working things out.

He didn’t know Taekwoon’s plan in all this. Or if he had a plan. Maybe he was just winging it? See how it goes? It wasn’t hard to imagine him the type. Despite being a stubborn mule, he was the kind of guy who simply let things happen to him and then adapt quietly. He didn’t know that for sure. All he knew was that Taekwoon didn’t mind it whenever Jaehwan took the lead, even when Jaehwan took them places he didn’t like going.

There was just so much he didn’t know. They never had the chance to get close enough to know each other well enough to have each other figured. Taekwoon didn’t know him like Wonshik; he couldn’t almost read his mind and know when something’s wrong. So they had to talk. He knew that all too well.

But what if the answer was the one he dreaded?

\--

Sanghyuk had stared at his sketchpad for almost forty minutes when he jumped at the buzz of his phone in vibration mode on the desk. He had ended up trying to start his assignment on depth and perspective, only to stare at a blank page for the entire time. His heart jumped and he tapped the phone screen too hard in order to see if it was Taekwoon.

_Meetings just ended. Let’s order in?_

He sighed in relief, heart still beating in his chest as if he had been surprised by a gunshot. It was past 8pm already, so he had figured they would end up ordering in. He already had an order ready in his mind. He picked up the phone to text back.

_Let’s. I’ll order while you’re on your way. How does thai food sound?_

He quickly grabbed the pamphlet he had taken with him from the kitchen earlier and located the phone number.

_Perfect. I’ll just go change in my room first._

Sanghyuk smiled as he typed the number, practically bubbling with happiness and relief. Since it had turned so late he had started to fear he would cancel on him.

The moment the order was in he jumped out of his seat. He had changed into sweats and a hoodie after coming home from class, but he didn’t want to look like he had been shoved out of bed when Taekwoon arrived. He quickly pulled out a pair of black jeans and a random clean t-shirt from his closet and went to the bathroom to wash up. The two seconds he used to pass from his bedroom door and into the bathroom was enough for Wonshik sitting on the living room floor beside Hongbin, to know what was going on.

Sanghyuk had left the bathroom door ajar, so he could hear when Wonshik told Hongbin: “I guess Taekwoon is on his way.”

He splashed his face with cold water and grabbed a towel to dry it off while popping his head out of the door. “Could we have the living room? We kind of…” He hesitated. “We need some room to talk.”

Wonshik looked up from Hongbin’s camera and gave him an understanding look. “Yeah, sure.” He said and flashed Hongbin a look.

“No problem.” Hongbin then added.

He seriously had the best roommates in the entire universe. “Thanks guys.” He told them sincerely and stepped back into the bathroom to put on some deodorant and change, closing the door behind him.

The food arrived before Taekwoon did. It was sitting on the counter, turning colder by the minute, while Sanghyuk paced the room. Hongbin and Wonshik had cleared out, they had decided to go clubbing since it was Friday night and they were bored without Hakyeon there. It felt weird for Sanghyuk to stay behind when he usually was the one to drag them out. He loved getting tipsy and dancing all night, especially when he got Hongbin drunk too and the older let loose the wildling within. It was quite a sight to behold, and it was always the winning argument to make Wonshik join as well, despite hating interacting with strange drunk people.

He was ruining the floorboards with his pacing. Taekwoon was seriously late, according to his estimate on how long it would take for him to get to the hotel, change and then get a cab to his place. It really shouldn’t have taken so long. So, he was starting to think something had happened. Something bad. Traffic accident bad.

A lump formed in his throat.

Only to be washed away in the tsunami of relief that came over him when the doorbell rang and Taekwoon was standing on the other side in an outfit that looked so matched to his own it looked like they had planned it.

“Hey, thanks for waiting.” Taekwoon kissed him quickly, their lips crashing a bit at the rush, and flushed. They were off beat; fidgety and clumsy as they exchanged Taekwoon’s jacket and shuffled about so Taekwoon could get his shoes off and get to the kitchen, where the food was almost cold. Sanghyuk would have to microwave it. They kept bumping into each other. A shoulder here, an elbow there – Taekwoon seemed to actually be taking serious hits as well, rubbing his jolted areas with a grimace every time. It made Sanghyuk flush violently. He wasn’t used to being that nervous. He was a confident guy, most times, but the nature of the conversation he wanted to have was throwing him off his axis. He was so relieved Hongbin wasn’t home. He would’ve watched this cringy scene with endless pain slash amusement. A terrible bystander, that one. Absolutely unable to hide his discomfort.

“The food is a bit lukewarm, I’ll heat it up.” He explained, almost running around the counter Taekwoon was now sitting down behind. He threw the takeout boxes into the microwave and hit the button three times to make it go for 2 minutes. While the food spun around and around and Sanghyuk stared at it intensely, shoulders rigid and fingers tapping the counter impatiently. The room seemed painfully silent, despite the whirring of the microwave and the constant tapping of his fingers against wood. The silence made him curious, so he glanced behind him to see – Taekwoon was typing on his phone. Not the old-fashioned payphone the company had given him, but his big smartphone from home. His forehead was creased in concentration, completely immersed with the screen and occasionally mouthing words. Sanghyuk could make out the Korean words for ‘company’ and ‘contract’. A work email then.

He wasn’t going to ask him about work. He had promised himself that. He wouldn’t remind him of it or bring it up unless he did so himself. Even though he was dying to know. They had made a plan; what happened to it? Was the problem solved now? Because Taekwoon wasn’t really convincing him it was. He seemed just as unhappy about it as before, only now he wasn’t talking about it.

The microwave dinged and made Sanghyuk jump.

He quickly retrieved the food and placed it in front of Taekwoon with his bare hands despite the containers burning his fingers painfully. He dropped them on the counter rather abruptly due to the sharp pain, successfully leading Taekwoon’s attention away from his phone. He smiled, though it didn’t quite reach his tired-looking eyes, and reached for the chopsticks.

“Smells delicious.” Taekwoon murmured as he separated the two chopsticks perfectly with his long fingers. Sanghyuk did the same, but ended up with uneven chopsticks. He frowned at the sight for a moment, annoyed. Was nothing going to go his way that day? But when he looked up, Taekwoon’s eyes were smiling at him with amusement and it all felt okay, somehow. They’d have their talk and it’d be okay.

“Hyuk-ah” Taekwoon broke the peaceful silence the food had triggered after getting hallway through his main dish. Sanghyuk had ordered them both the same main dish of noodles and vegetables, then ordered a side of spicy, fried pork for them to share. The fried pork was so delicious he’d immediately wished he’d ordered one each, but he made an effort to hold back and let his hyung have more than half of it – thinking he needed it more than him.

Sanghyuk looked up from his food at the sound of his name – and deep thoughts of what to start the conversation with – and raised his brows as an invitation to continue.

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a burden to you while I’ve been here.” Taekwoon made a pained face as he spoke. “It wasn’t right of me to shove my troubles on you like this, I feel awful for making you worry so much.” He was talking fast, his characteristic quiet voice making the words mesh together a bit, but Sanghyuk was catching every single word with slight horror. Had he given Taekwoon the impression he was being a burden to him? The thought made him stop eating, appetite completely gone.

“No, Hyung, stop-“ He stuttered, swallowing the food in his mouth before continuing. Taekwoon looked him in the eye; pained, guilty, worried – everything Sanghyuk did NOT want him to feel. “Listen.” Sanghyuk told him, bringing up the most reasonable tone he could manage when flustered. “I’m glad you confided in me.” He paused, making sure his words were reaching the other.

“I wanted to help. And I did, I think, and that felt really good, you know? If you had gone through this by yourself and shut me out, when you were clearly in distress – and believe me, I knew right away, you wouldn’t be able to hide it – I would feel so horrible. Helpless and… and useless and so, I don’t know, in the way of you?”

He was rambling, and he knew it, but he had Taekwoon’s full attention. He was looking at him intently, absorbing it all.

“So, no. You haven’t been a burden at all. I’m just glad I get to see you amidst all this. I’m really grateful you’re making the time to see me even though work is crazy and you’re in a foreign country away from everything you know.”

“Not everything.” Taekwoon chimed in, softly. He had visibly relaxed and a sigh of relief escaped his lips as he said the words that made Sanghyuk’s stomach tingle ever so slightly. They both fall silent on that comment, eyeing each other with curiosity – as if they could read each other’s minds.

“I think being able to see you and be with you has been the only thing keeping me sane this week.” Taekwoon confides with slow and clear pronunciation. Sanghyuk had to look down as he blushed, no longer able to keep eye contact at those words. He huffed a half chuckle. But Taekwoon was relentless.

“I mean it. First of all; I would starve to death.” He declared, holding up his chopsticks with food up to his face so he’d look up again, before chomping it down with a playful smile.

 _This guy. Such a fucking charmer._ Sanghyuk’s stomach turned. It was positively making summersaults, that was how happy that playfulness made him. A stark reminder to how far down he had fallen for the other, once again.

He pushed his food away from himself, appetite long lost and mind on only one thing; their talk. This was it. The moment he had waited for.

“Hyung.” He started. Tone serious enough to regain Taekwoon’s attention from his final scraps of food, which he was very diligently gathering to finish off.

“I’ve been thinking.” He continued, then realised how cliché that opening was and couldn’t help but scoff at it. Taekwoon raised a questioning eyebrow, looking confused.

“Yes?” He was still chewing, but the attention was there. Sanghyuk’s heartrate was rising along with his nervousness. He really was dreading the subject, but he really, _really_ needed to know.

“Is this-“ He stumbled on his words. “I mean, are we…” He dragged the word out. His heart was beating in his throat, making it hard to get the words out. He pinched his eyes shut and cursed himself inwardly.

“Arewedatingornot?” He pressed out, so strained it would’ve seemed like he had been cursed to not say some forbidden word and he was saying it anyway. He gasped the moment it was out, the relief so huge he almost fell off his stool.

He eyed Taekwoon, but he was only blinking at him, looking entirely lost.

“What did you say?” Taekwoon asked, genuinely confused.

Sanghyuk wanted to disappear. Or be buried alive. Preferably right then and there, beneath that counter. He _really_ didn’t want to repeat his question.

But he’d managed to do it once. He could do it again, right?

“Aaaaare-“ He gulped and Taekwoon tipped his head to the side, looking a little amused by now at the visible struggle going on in front of him. Deep breath. Words. Out. Of mouth.

“Are we dating or not?” He said finally, calmly and properly.

That made Taekwoon snap out of his amusement real fast. He straightened and flushed a bit, eyes no longer looking at Sanghyuk.

His heart was beating loudly in his ears, so loudly he was sure he wouldn’t be able to hear whatever Taekwoon would answer him.

“I’m not sure…” Taekwoon dragged the words. “To be honest.”

“But you do like me, right? It feels like you do, at least.” Sanghyuk rushed, some of his boldness back in stock. Taekwoon looked at him quickly.

“I do.” He answered without hesitation. Sanghyuk plunged back in, feeling eager.

“And I know you’re leaving soon, but we can work this out, right? I’ll be back home in Seoul in less than a year.” He said, smiling. Saying it out loud gave him hope. It sounded more possible then, than before. Until he saw Taekwoon’s slight flinch – a mere flash of pain in his brows – and his confidence simply jumped off a cliff into pitch black.

Taekwoon sighed.

A pitch black pit with no bottom.

There was no hope for them, was there? He should’ve known. He shouldn’t have thrown himself in so carelessly.

“Hyuk-ah…” Taekwoon’s tone told him he could read him. That he saw how Sanghyuk deflated like a popped balloon. Another sigh. It was understandable; words were difficult. And they always had been more difficult for Taekwoon than for most, it seemed. He knew that from knowing him half his life. From years of being hopelessly in love.

“This is new to me. All of this. You, especially. You’re a completely new person and I’ve barely gotten to know you.” He paused, fingers fidgeting. “I do, no doubt, like you – but I can’t promise you I’ll be able to keep this going while you’re here and I’m in Seoul. I don’t want to promise anything and then end up breaking your heart, Hyuk-ah. I really don’t want to do that.”

 _“But you’re breaking my heart right now._ ” Sanghyuk thought to himself bitterly for a moment, but then shook it off. He was being dramatic, and it wasn’t fair. Taekwoon was looking at him with pleading eyes and it was no way in this world he could ever resent those eyes in any way. Taekwoon was being reasonable with him. A grown-up. And here he was; acting like a kid. He pinched himself on his thigh; it seemed an appropriate punishment for a mere bad thought.

“Okay.” He sighed, giving Taekwoon a small, but assuring, smile. He would never be able to hide his disappointment, but maybe Taekwoon needed to see that too. The other smiled back, a small careful crease at the edge of his lips.

He let the words simmer for a bit, Taekwoon’s eyes all the while reading him desperately for any kind of reaction. Taekwoon hadn’t turned him down. He was only saying he couldn’t promise that the distance wouldn’t change things for him. That was something.

He nodded to himself.

“Then.” He said suddenly, as if his thoughts had been broadcasted. He locked eyes with Taekwoon, who was the one looking hopeful now. “Can we make the most of this week? Before you leave, I mean. I want to spend as much time as I can with you before you go.” He said, determined.

He would leave a solid impression, and that was a plan. Taekwoon smiled warmly and agreed. “No problem.”

They cleared away the boxes of food and Taekwoon settled himself on Sanghyuk’s desk chair, swirling it around and around while he waited for Sanghyuk to join him in the bedroom. Sanghyuk was feeling giddy. And relieved. And a lot more. He was feeling a lot and it was making his skin flush hot, so he’d stepped into the bathroom to wash his hands and splash his face with cold water in hopes of not looking beet red when he faced the other again.

When he finally did close the door to his bedroom behind himself, he noticed something had caught Taekwoon’s attention. His hands were caressing something and as he stepped closer, he realised it was the Moleskine sketchbook Taekwoon had gifted him so many years ago. It was worn, bulging with use and full of Sanghyuk’s early sketches. He had been so happy back then, because Taekwoon had noticed something personal about him and then thought to give him a gift to encourage him as well. He’d been in the clouds for months after that, cherishing the book like a true treasure.

“Can I look?” Taekwoon asked carefully. Sanghyuk nodded and walked over to stand beside him as the book was opened to show the clumsy sketches of young Sanghyuk. The perspectives were off, his techniques horrible, but the drawings had a special look to them that he thankfully had been able to keep over the years in training. His own signature, of sorts.

The drawings were mostly houses. Family homes Sanghyuk passed on his way to school or on his way back from evening class. Every single page was filled with sketches, studies, notes of observations. He kept the book on his desk at all times because of those observations. He’d noticed things that were easy to forget about after receiving the actual training to become an architect. The little details that made a home homey, he presumed.

Taekwoon was flipping through the pages slowly, occasionally gasping in surprise at some of the houses which Sanghyuk was sure he recognised from the year he stayed at their house and walked the same path to school as Jaehwan and him. When he was done and the book was closed, Taekwoon stroked the rugged surface with his fingers.

“I can’t believe you’ve kept this all this time.” Taekwoon murmured.

“Of course I did. That thing is my personal treasure.”

Taekwoon turned the chair to look at him. He was smiling and Sanghyuk could tell he was happy from hearing that. He grinned, his stomach fluttering, and stole a quick kiss.

It was late already and Taekwoon looked tired, dark circles under his eyes soon to become a permanent feature if he didn’t get more sleep on a regular basis soon. Despite his fluttering and the itch in his fingers to touch and explore, he asked if they should go to sleep instead. With a nod, Taekwoon got up and grabbed the sleepwear Sanghyuk handed him and went to the bathroom to get ready. Once teeth were brushed and clothes were changed, they lay on their sides, facing each other in Sanghyuk’s bed like two kids having a sleepover. They just talk for a while, waiting for the sleep to sink in.

“How’s Jaehwan these days? All he ever tells me is about Dohee or the wedding or Mom and Dad.” Sanghyuk asks. They’re both busy and the time zones make it hard for them to keep in touch over video chats. Jaehwan did text a lot, but not about his life.

“He’s doing well. His musical career is picking up. He’s busy all the time, so I hardly ever see him. But he stops by from time to time, just so I don’t forget about him.” Taekwoon answered, chuckling a little. Sanghyuk’s heart warmed. He had worried the lack of sharing meant Jaehwan was having a hard time. Maybe not.

“I hope he’s not overworking.” He murmured.

“Me too.” Taekwoon hummed. He closed his eyes, the sleepiness getting to him.

“Will you be my date for the wedding?” Sanghyuk asked softly, not sure if Taekwoon would agree to promise such a thing.

“Yeah.” Taekwoon answered without opening his eyes. His voice was sleepy, but the answer was clear. Sanghyuk’s fluttering intensified and he couldn’t keep the distance anymore. He shuffled their bodies together until they were joined like one. Taekwoon’s head beneath his chin, their arms resting around each other.

\--


	15. Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM ALIVE!  
> And I am back from my terrible hiatus, I am so sorry to keep you guys waiting this long. I hope you haven't given up on me completely, 'cause I promise I will finish this story before the year has ended at LEAST!
> 
> Happy reading, my marshmellows <3

_Can I run and hide_   
_I’m stuck inside my memories_   
_Step away from time_   
_Take me to a place_   
_Where I will never grow old_   
_“Seattle” – Sam Kim_

 

Sanghyuk couldn’t stop thinking about Taekwoon sleepily agreeing on being his date to the wedding. He couldn’t help but fear the other didn’t actually remember having agreed to it either. He was half asleep, after all. His gut felt like acid when he thought about the fact that this was their last weekend together before Taekwoon would go back home and they would have no idea of what happened to them next. He wasn’t one to get very anxious, but he sure was now. They would make the most of the last 7 days together, that was for sure. But then what? What if Taekwoon met someone else? He couldn’t help but feel like maybe it would have been better if Taekwoon never came to visit. He had been fine before. He was over it. Kind of. Ok, not really, but he’d buried it really well. Just not well enough.

He groaned, waking the sleeping Taekwoon beside him.

“Wha…?” Taekwoon asked, his voice so soft and cutely sleepy. It was disturbing sometimes; how cute he could be.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.” Sanghyuk stirred, struggling against the sheets so he could turn on his side and face him.

“What time is it?” Taekwoon asked, not even opening his eyes. Sanghyuk reached over him to light up the screen on his phone.

“Almost ten. Do you wanna sleep some more?”

Taekwoon sighed, frowned, then opened his eyes. “Nah, I’m awake.”

Sanghyuk was relieved. He was starting to feel jittery and didn’t think he could keep still much longer. He leaned his forehead to Taekwoon’s shoulder, hiding his face. Any sort of contact made him feel better. It was a small mercy. It was going to be agony when he was gone. That was for sure. Would he be able to handle it?

Taekwoon kissed his temple softly.

Nope.

He would never be fine again.

\--

They ate scrambled eggs and toast for breakfast in silence. It was clear neither of them really knew what to say at this point. Sanghyuk was scared Taekwoon would think he was mad at him, which he wasn’t. He understood. Even though it made him sad and anxious, he knew it was reasonable. They had agreed on making the most of their time. This was not that. This was the opposite of that. They were sitting together without actually _being_ together. Both locked up inside themselves and their own thoughts.

“Let’s go on a date.” Sanghyuk blurted before he could think too much about it. Taekwoon looked up, actually a little startled. His eyes were big, blinking, waiting for him to elaborate.

“I mean- let’s go on a full day date. Total dream package. Like in a movie.” Sanghyuk was getting excited as he said it. It was perfect. He would woo the shit out of him all day and then they could be all lovey-dovey in the evening. Absolutely perfect.

“Okay, but where do we go?” Taekwoon sipped his coffee, calm as ever. Sanghyuk thought about it. Made a mental map of all the places he knew about in Berlin. He’d been on dates, but nothing romantic. What _was_ romantic to do anyway? Years of living in Berlin and he’d never really explored the city like a tourist. And most certainly not like a tourist couple looking for romance.

“It’s a surprise.” He told Taekwoon, to cover up that he actually had no idea. _That_ made Taekwoon smile and Sanghyuk beamed, feeling like a genius.

When Taekwoon went to wash up, Sanghyuk ran to do some quick research on his laptop. He immediately searched _‘romantic things to do in Berlin’_ and hoped for some luck. He skipped the promoted posts and scanned the list the fastest he could, not wanting to get caught. He wanted it to seem like this had been planned all week. Or at least a few days. Of course, all the top posts were lists. The internet was obsessed with lists. He didn’t know which one to pick, so he went with one in the middle: ‘ _Top Ten Things to do in Berlin for Couples’._ He glanced towards his bedroom door left ajar, even though he could hear the shower running. He scrolled down the list. Tandem biking? No. Dining in the dark? Sounds too expensive. Kreuzberg? Maybe. They could maybe do a picnic for lunch. Spa? No. Skinny-dipping? No way.

“This list sucks.” He muttered, hitting the back button. He needed something else. He recognised the site name for Trip Advisor and clicked it. Castles, parks, spas… Nothing felt right to him. He heard the shower stop and glanced around again. His heart was beating like he was doing something criminal and for a moment he felt really ridiculous.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to clear his head, closing the laptop and leaning back in his chair. He searched his mind until a plan slowly formed itself in his head.

Taekwoon stepped into the bedroom a little later, fully dressed to go out but still drying his hair with a small towel. “So where are we going first?” He asked. Sanghyuk turned around on his chair, a confident smile making him look like a villain in a spy movie about to reveal his evil plot. Taekwoon cocked an eyebrow, looking amused. Sanghyuk was still in the sweats and t-shirt he’d slept in too, his hair messy.

“I told you, it’s a secret.” Sanghyuk grinned, very pleased with his scheme. By the end of the day, Taekwoon would never forget their date ever in his life – he was sure of it.

\--

The first thing on their list was getting fancy coffee in a small independent coffee shop Hongbin had used as a location several times, so Sanghyuk got free drinks there whenever the workers recognised him from their own Instagram. He had posed as a bartender working there, Hongbin did his magic and their traffic just about doubled the moment they started posting the pictures on their social medias. Mostly young girls.

The baristas on duty recognised him and Sanghyuk ordered Taekwoon’s favourite latté and a hot chocolate for himself and didn’t have to pay a single thing. He didn’t explain a thing to Taekwoon, who seemed a little confused over the fact that they never paid and they were about to leave.

“Did we just steal this coffee?” Taekwoon asked, eyeing his coffee like it was the criminal. Sanghyuk chuckled. He was tempted to not explain it, just to tease, but pitied the confused look the older man gave him – too innocent to even attempt to sip his drink.

“We did a shoot there and now we have free coffee for a year. Neat, isn’t it?” He grinned, a little proud. He didn’t model much, but he always felt a little bashful whenever he did. Taekwoon look genuinely relieved and finally dared a sip. He hummed with satisfaction. They did some proper good coffee at that place, that was for sure. Hongbin had declared he wouldn’t have done the shoot if the coffee wasn’t proper. Which was only partly true. It depended on his account balance, really.

“So… what’s next?” Taekwoon asked then as they walked down the street, the bus stop they had arrived from and the coffeeshop behind them.

Sanghyuk had thought of a rumour he heard on campus among some of the art students – art and architecture resided in the same building – that there was a tree in a park somewhere with the entire lyrics of the song “Stand By Me” carved into it. A song he knew Taekwoon used to like. Maybe still liked. He was kind of rooting for Taekwoon to have forgotten about it, so he would now be reminded and the whole thing would be beautiful and – possibly – romantic.

It was to be found in Tiergarten, which conveniently was a massive, beautiful park. And, most importantly, just a short walk from the coffeeshop they had free coffee access to but rarely visited due to the distance from their home. It all fell together as a perfect plan; he had brought a backpack with a big blanket hidden inside, one of Hongbin’s less frequently used cameras (he said he could borrow it any time, after all), Bluetooth speakers and was thus on the lookout for any kind of bakery that could sell them some pastries and drinks to complete their picnic. What to do after hanging out in the park he had no idea of, but he would give divine inspiration a chance to get to him.

Gleeful about his perfect plan, he gave Taekwoon his least wanted answer: “It’s a secret.”

He had been fortunate with the weather. It was chilly, but not so chilly that their coats wouldn’t keep them warm even when sitting still for a while. All he could hope for was no rain and no strong winds. So far, the sun had been blazing beautifully and Taekwoon had even unbuttoned his coat.

The walked a couple of blocks – no bakeries – and Sanghyuk was forced to arrange a detour in hopes of finding what he was secretly looking for. Taekwoon had no idea where they were anyway and walked beside him in a comfortable silence, happily sipping his drink. His cheeks were rosy, his hair tousled and unstyled, he had borrowed one of Wonshik’s scarves and frankly; he looked so adorable Sanghyuk almost walked right past the only bakery within walkable radius. The smell of freshly baked cinnamon buns saved him and he stopped abruptly, eyes still on Taekwoon. Taekwoon stopped too, slightly delayed, and looked at him in surprise. As if asking if something was wrong.

“Wait here.” Sanghyuk told him, completely unable to hold back the satisfied smirk from hitting jackpot. A bakery, at last! And they had cinnamon buns. Perfect.

They arrived at the park shortly after they walked away from the bakery with a big paper bag full of still-hot pastries – which Taekwoon kept eyeing impatiently – and immediately Taekwoon started pointing out good spots where they could sit. Benches, since he didn’t know about the blanket yet.

“I brought a picnic blanket.” Sanghyuk informed him and the other’s eyes turned warm.

But he didn’t let Taekwoon pick a spot, because he had already pinpointed where the tree should be and that was where they would go.

“I happen to know you love music.” Sanghyuk glanced at Taekwoon with a terribly concealed grin. Taekwoon turned at him slowly, making a dramatic effect, and inched up an eyebrow.

“Yes?” He asked the younger and managed to sound a little nervous. Sanghyuk’s small grin turned big and he wriggled his own eyebrows mischievously.

“You’ll know when you see it.” He teased. A sudden spark of nervousness pricked his stomach at the thought that it might’ve been a good idea to actually check if the tree was there still. He crossed his fingers for luck and kept an eye out as they approached the street crossing it was supposed to be at. He might’ve overhyped it a little, it was only a tree after all, but he was hoping Taekwoon would recognise the lyrics when he saw them. He stopped them in the middle of the crossing and looked around. Taekwoon, not knowing what exactly was happening, looked at Sanghyuk with great curiosity.

“What’re you looking for?” He asked.

Sanghyuk’s heart only just started to sink with disappointment when he finally noticed the healed carvings in a greenish tree just along the gravel path. “Ah!” he exclaimed and rushed over to the tree, grabbing Taekwoon’s elbow with him. “Look!”

Taekwoon smiled at him quickly and then read the words on the tree. He was deep in focus for several heartbeats, until a soft, barely audible gasp escaped him.

“I know this song.”

“I know you know this song.”

“I used to sing this all the time in the karaoke.”

“You did?” Sanghyuk was surprised and  then smiled at the thought. He never had the chance to come with Jaehwan and Taekwoon out to drink before they both moved away from him and then he away from them. He wished he could’ve witnessed the sight (and sound) of a drunk Taekwoon singing English songs.

“Yeah! Every single time we went, I think.”

“I wish I could’ve seen that.”

“You don’t. It wasn’t pretty.”

“Oh, but I bet it was fun.” Sanghyuk winked. Taekwoon smiled with a nostalgic look on his face.

“Yeah. It was. I loved singing.” He said softly, hand reaching out to touch the carved letters in the tree.

“I remember you used to play this song all the time while reading, when Jaehwan was out and you finally had the bedroom to yourself.” Sanghyuk blushed a little from revealing his secret observation. He would itch to come into the room and have some alone time with Taekwoon whenever the opportunity would arise, but he almost never did it. He didn’t want to disturb the few times Taekwoon had to himself while he lived in their house.

“Yeah… I dreamed of becoming a singer back then.” Taekwoon blushed and huffed out an embarrassed sound. “I know, it’s ridiculous.” He added before Sanghyuk could react.

“What? No! I know your voice; your singing is really unique!”

Taekwoon flinched in the way he always did whenever he was complimented and blushed darker.

“It’s never too late, you know.” Sanghyuk added, bumping his shoulder into him. Taekwoon huffed.

“Nah, it’s in the past. I happen to love my job.”

“Oh, you do now?” Sanghyuk chuckled, smiling.

“Yep.” Taekwoon smiled genuinely at him. “Even though it’s exhausting at times, I love doing what I do.”

Sanghyuk hummed, pleased. “Good. I want nothing else than for you to be happy. Even at work.” He smiled, the cringed because it was just so… _cheesy._ But Taekwoon looked touched, because he went quiet and put an arm around his shoulders for a quick squeeze.

“Thank you for showing me this. And for remembering. I completely forgot about this song.”

Sanghyuk seized the opportunity and leaned in for a quick kiss. They were on a date after all. There had to be some extra perks. Taekwoon smiled when they parted and robbed another quick kiss off of Sanghyuk’s lips.

“But! We’re not done yet.” Sanghyuk said, holding up his finger with phone in hand. He had the song ready and pressed play.

\--

They’d walked a little more through the park after passing the tree before finding a good spot to put the blanket down and eat their pastries. The weather had turned a bit colder, so they didn’t stay long on the ground, but it was long enough to talk some more about the forgotten musical hits they loved in younger years and for Sanghyuk to text Hongbin in panic to help him find a karaoke place in Berlin.

When Hongbin delivered the goods, in form of a location share, he signalled Taekwoon that they needed to pack up their stuff because they had another schedule to attend.

“What’s next?” Taekwoon asked, seemingly never learning his lesson. Sanghyuk turned to him, exasperated at this point, and was about to tell him the same old thing, but Taekwoon beat him to it.

“It’s a secret.” The older man said, the corner of his lips twitching to smile. Sanghyuk chuckled.

“You’re so stubborn.” He told him fondly.

“I have to seize every chance I get to make you crack.” Taekwoon said with an unfamiliar tone of mischief. Sanghyuk eyed him with comical suspicion.

Hongbin had given him very in-depth instructions. The karaoke he had found them was pretty close to the park and they only had to hop on a single bus to get there within the half hour. Once they were off the bus again and stepping down the street, Sanghyuk understood how big of a mistake he had made by asking Hongbin for help.

On the street he saw Hongbin and Wonshik standing with a group of their regular models, looking like they had come straight from a photoshoot. They probably had, knowing them. He groaned, making Taekwoon side eye him before he also noticed someone familiar on the street.

“We’re hanging out with them?” He asked, sounding hesitant. Sanghyuk’s heart sank for him, instantly feeling sorry. He knew Taekwoon disliked hanging out in crowds, even less with crowds of people he didn’t know.

“Seems like it.” He muttered, deflated. He loved Hongbin, but at that moment he kind of wanted to strangle the guy. What part of ‘date’ did he not understand.

He understood the joke when he saw Hongbin’s mischievous grin as they approached the group.

“Hey, there you are!” He announced, as if they had waited for a long time for them to come. Maybe they had. Sanghyuk hoped so, they deserved it. Yeah, he was bitter. A little angry even. He even considered just calling it off, but the thought of Taekwoon singing kept him in place, and smiling to his roommates.

“Hey. Why did you wait out here? We could’ve joined you inside.” He asked them, accepting Wonshik’s cheesy fistbump without thinking.

“Ohh, these guys just arrived. Me and Wonshik wasn’t enough people to book a private room.”  Hongbin explained, indicating his thumb to the three models that had joined them. The models were German students from Sanghyuk’s school, so Hongbin spoke German. Sanghyuk had met them before, barely, but didn’t really know their names that well. He tended to mix their names up, so he avoided it altogether. Hongbin did him the favour of introducing them to a quieted Taekwoon.

“Taekwoon, this is Hermann, Frank and Klaus. They model for me sometimes, but they’re students at Sanghyuk’s school.” Hongbin explained to Taekwoon in Korean, pointing at each of them as he said their names. They smiled and nodded to him and he shyly uttered a careful ‘guten tag’, which seemed to charm them.

Sanghyuk felt oddly possessive with the three guys there. He knew, now that he knew who their names belonged to, that both Hermann and Klaus were gay and they seemed a little more intrigued by his Korean guest than he wanted them to be. He threw and arm around Taekwoon’s shoulder and made a final decision to save their lives.

“Well, I’m sorry to be a pooper, but me and Taekwoon here have a dinner reservation to make it to so we’ll just sing a couple of songs and leave you guys to party on your own.” He declared in German, so Taekwoon wouldn’t think they actually had a dinner reservation. He had specific plans for them to make some homemade food.

Taekwoon looked at him, confused by his choice of language combined with his arm around his shoulder, and Sanghyuk smiled at him reassuringly. He wished he could tell him what would happen, but unfortunately Hongbin knew Korean too.

“Awh, Hyukkie, why must you be like this? We were looking forward to getting your boyfriend drunk.” Hongbin said teasingly, still in German, but Taekwoon seemed to recognise the word for ‘boyfriend’ because there was a slight start through his shoulders. Invisible to the eye, but Sanghyuk’s arm around him felt it like a stab in the gut.

“What’s happening?” Taekwoon mumbled into Sanghyuk’s ear. He turned to him and tried to seem confident instead of annoyed.

“We’re only staying for a couple of songs and then we’ll leave for dinner.” He told him. Taekwoon seemed to relax at that, maybe from knowing there was a known end to the socialising.

“We all planned to drag you guys out clubbing and everything.” Klaus added, using the stereotypical ‘buzzkill’ voice people use when they try peer pressure.

“Nope! We’re on a date, remember?” He said, putting an emphasis on ‘remember’ while shooting needles at Hongbin. Wonshik looked uncomfortable, probably drowning in his guilty conscience for having joined in on this idea, while Hongbin laughed loudly.

“Let’s just go and get a room already, I’m freezing.” Wonshik told them, dragging the laughing Hongbin with him through the door. Sanghyuk and Taekwoon followed behind all the others, Sanghyuk’s arm still around Taekwoon but dropped down to hold him around the middle.

“Is everything alright?” Taekwoon asked him, frowning with worrylines all over his face. Sanghyuk felt terrible. He hoped this wouldn’t ruin their day.

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting them to be here is all. But it’s alright. We’ll sing our favourite songs and go home for dinner, does that sound good?”

Taekwoon nodded. “I’m a little nervous, I’ve only ever sung alone or in front of Jaehwan.”

Sanghyuk chuckled, giving him a little squeeze. “Me too.”

Maybe to make up for it, Hongbin paid for the room alone. The room was nice; just as overdone in décor as they would be over in South-Korea and with sticky flooring that spoke of alcohol. Hongbin had ordered a package deal, so the moment they’d seated themselves on the faux leather sofas a woman entered with a tray full of snacks and drinks. There was beer, vodka, tonics and sodas. Sanghyuk had to admit it was pretty tempting, but settled on a coke and sat back. Taekwoon didn’t take anything at first, so Wonshik handed him his favourite brand of beer.

The machine was familiar and they quickly got started with Hermann and “Eye of the Tiger” in complete off-key and maximum effort. Taekwoon couldn’t help himself from laughing at the gestures, cutely hiding his smile with his hand, covering it up with eating snacks. Frank was chiming in on the chorus, sounding drunk before he even opened his beer.

Next up was Wonshik, always eager to proclaim his love for his beloved Kanye. The karaoke was the only place Sanghyuk got to witness his rapping, but he always missed the days when he’d do his own lyrics along with his self-composed beats. Wonshik killed it, of course, knowing the lyrics without looking at the screen, keeping his eyes on the audience instead. Hongbin gave him a holler when he finished and Sanghyuk chimed in, and also Taekwoon clapped his hands. He looked impressed, Sanghyuk observed and felt a little pride for his friend.

Taekwoon blew them all away with his performance of “Stand by me” and then later scored major points with Wonshik from singing Chris Brown’s “Fine China”, a truly impressive performance. The three models were basically sitting there with stars in their eyes when he was done singing and Sanghyuk couldn’t help but laugh wholeheartedly at the sight. He had known how good he was and he was glad to see he’d not gone rusty over the years in law. Maybe Taekwoon went singing on the weekends still, he wondered.

Sanghyuk only sang a single song, an old legend of his; the Pokémon theme song, completely turned into chaos when he tried to sing the Korean version over the German words on the screen. He didn’t quite remember all the lyrics and had no one to help him. Taekwoon clapped his hands through the entire song, grinning like a proud mother.

And that was their queue to leave. The others were getting rowdy and talked loudly in German to each other, making it so Taekwoon was completely left out of the conversation. He talked a bit to Sanghyuk on their own, but in the end it was impossible to hear each other without shouting.

“Let’s go home.” Sanghyuk told him, hand on his thigh.

They stepped outside with their coats on their arms and was hit by cold, refreshing air and a sky turned almost entirely dark. They hurriedly shuffled their coats on, Taekwoon huddling his shoulders together and holding his arms around himself.

“Let’s take a taxi.” He suggested. “I’ll use my company card.” He added with a smile.

Sanghyuk was relieved to see he didn’t look like he had a bad time. His cheeks were flushed from the single beer he had and he looked like the singing, and excessive praise from the others, had given him a nice confidence boost. Sanghyuk threw his arms around him, giving him some extra warmth, and kissed him properly. Finally.

They smiled at each other in silence, Sanghyuk releasing a sigh in content.

“I’m glad they didn’t make you too uncomfortable, Hyung.”

Taekwoon shrugged. “I’m fine. It was fun. I wish I knew German though.” He added a crooked smile.

“Yeah… I think Hongbin just wanted to tease me a bit without letting it hit you as well.”

“I guess that was considerate of him.” Taekwoon mused.

“I guess…” Sanghyuk agreed reluctantly. He hadn’t quite let go of his bitter annoyance. Taekwoon hummed and kissed his nose, which surprised him a little. He flinched back and wrinkled his nose, feeling the cold air on the moisture left on the tip. Taekwoon looked like he melted right there, his eyes shining.

“What do you wanna eat for dinner?” Sanghyuk asked. Taekwoon thought about it a minute, humming quietly.

“I miss Korean food.” He chuckled with a shrug and Sanghyuk smiled knowingly. Of course he did.

“We have some ramyeon at home.”

Taekwoon’s eyes brightened. Ramyeon it was.

Whenever their parents were out and all the kids were home alone, Sanghyuk, Taekwoon and Jaehwan would order chicken and Taekwoon would make them ramyeon. As far as Sanghyuk knew, there was no one as good as Taekwoon at making late night ramyeon. He knew exactly how to make it perfect, this was something he and Jaehwan had agreed on a long time ago. So there was no question when they arrived back at the apartment after a long, sleepy ride in the taxi, who was going to make the ramyeon for them.

Sanghyuk quickly set the right size pot on the counter and found their ramyeon storage. There was only one shop in the city, as far as they knew, that stocked proper Korean brand ramyeon, so whenever they went they bought it in bulk and kept it in a box hidden away in between Hongbin’s organised mess. There wasn’t room enough in their cupboards.

Taekwoon picked up the two packets and nodded in approval. Sanghyuk knew it used to be his first pick back in the day. He walked around the counter and sat down, grinning. Taekwoon looked at him in amusement, eyebrow raised in knowing.

“Ohh, I see. I’m the one making dinner tonight?”

“When it comes to ramyeon, it is the only way.” Sanghyuk declared.

\--


	16. Lover

_And if I ever see you again, my love_   
_All I'm ever gonna do_   
_Is send shivers down that spine of yours_   
_“Lover, where do you live?” – Highasakite_

 

Ramyeon made by Taekwoon worked like a delicious time machine. Sanghyuk was thrown back in time to all those nights they spent in the living room of their house, sitting on the floor even though there was a sofa, in front of the TV with some movie playing with the volume on low, and just joking around and talking about everything. He felt terribly homesick thinking of Jaehwan and all three of them together.

“What if I came with you?” He blurted out without thinking. The words in his mouth made his heart skip. It was such an irrational idea, he felt embarrassed right away. Taekwoon looked at him with a pained expression. Like he wanted to say yes but knew it wasn’t how things worked.

Frankly, that was all Sanghyuk needed; some sign from Taekwoon showing the thought had tempted him. “Nevermind, I’m just homesick.” He mumbled.

“I wish it was that easy.” Taekwoon said and it made Sanghyuk so incredibly happy. He couldn’t hold it in, huffing out the pressure from his chest with a smile.

“It’ll be June in no time. Time is fast like that.” He said, mostly to himself. Taekwoon nodded and set down his chopsticks.

Silence took over the room and they stared at the pot with only ramyeon soup left in it. Sanghyuk didn’t want to nag Taekwoon about his hopes on a reunion when he returned. Both wanted and did not want to put some pressure on him to not drift away from him while they were apart. It scared him a lot to think about Taekwoon finding someone else or simply losing interest. There was no way for him to control it, but it was a hard truth to embrace.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving already.” He sighed. “When you arrived, it seemed like you were going to be here for such a long time.”

“Four weeks is a long time.” Taekwoon said softly.

“Not long enough…” Sanghyuk sounded little more miserable than he’d meant to and instantly felt bad. He hoped he didn’t make Taekwoon feel guilty.

“Hey, we still have six days to hang out.” Taekwoon said gently, but Sanghyuk was scared to look at him. Too scared to look if his words had hurt.

“Yeah, you’re right.” He sighed, then took a deep breath to clear the negativity. “Shit, sorry, I said we were going to make the most of the time left and here I go killing the mood like this.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Taekwoon told him, then gathered the dishes while getting off his chair.

“Hey, let me do those.” Sanghyuk sprang up and took the dishes off his hands. “You’re the chef. I’m the dishwasher.” He told him brightly, adding a little grin. He made a little show of it; put on the bright yellow gloves Wonshik always used (he hates touching food with his hands), put on an apron and filled the sink with hot water and too much dish soap so there were bubbles all over the place.  Taekwoon watched with amusement from the counter with his head resting in his palm.

There was really no need for all the water, the washing ended quickly because they only had the pot, two tiny bowls and their chopsticks. The bubbles were out of control, making their way down the countertop like they had a mind of their own. He tried to reign them in with his gloved hands, but the water dripping from them only made an even worse mess. He was about to turn around to tell Taekwoon that he was making a worse mess than he did any good cleaning, when he saw that he had walked around the counter to stand beside him. Taekwoon’s eyes were dark and purposeful, immediately sparking desire.

It was such a simple gesture and still it left Sanghyuk completely stunned; Taekwoon turned his back around away from him and stepped closer so that he was behind him, their entire bodies touching, then buried his face in the nape of Sanghyuk’s neck. Every hair on his skin rose with electric energy at the touch of Taekwoon’s lips against the sensitive skin on his neck. The kisses kept coming, down along his shoulder and then back up to his ear. He kissed him right below his earlobe.

Sanghyuk couldn’t move or breathe.

Soapy water was dripping off his gloves and onto the floor and he was holding his hands out like Taekwoon had pressed some ‘pause’ button on his body.

Taekwoon moved to the other side of his neck and he let out a groan that revealed just about everything his body was feeling right then.

Absolutely. Electric.

Taekwoon against his back. Warm and inviting. Pressing him against the sink. His apron was getting soaked with water. The jeans underneath as well. In the end he felt the wetness against his stomach and it was strangely erotic.

It woke him up. He removed the gloves while Taekwoon was kissing along his hairline, his head falling forward to yield to his mouth. He could hear his own breathing. His body was pulsing with heat like he was some furnace put on full throttle. In his pants he was getting hard already.

But so was Taekwoon. He could feel him against his ass.

This was beyond any expectation he ever had. His mind was being blown! By kisses! He didn’t have a chance, did he? He was put at mercy for this man simply by being kissed on his neck. He was certainly a hopeless case. An incurable patient.

But, ohhhh, the kisses felt so good against his skin. The invisible hairs on his body rising up in glory while goose bumps rippled across his arms, down his back, sending electric shock to his brain and abdomen.

He turned around, the gloves tossed into the water. He did it abruptly, rushed, because he couldn’t take it anymore. He needed to kiss him back, or he would explode.

They moaned into each other’s mouths and he pushed the other against the kitchen island with a little excessive force. Taekwoon wasn’t trying to resist it, after all. He huffed when his back hit the counter hard, but Sanghyuk swallowed the sound with greed he’d been burying for years.

He’d done it now, Taekwoon, he’d opened the flood gates. Sanghyuk hoped he realised there was no way back now. No backing out unless he really needed to. There was too much bottled up desire, want and love within him to keep at bay anymore.

He _couldn’t_ keep it in anymore.

It hurt so much to keep it in.

There was so _much_ that he wanted. That he thought he could never have. And here it was; served on a silver platter right in front of him.

He kissed him hard and Taekwoon moaned at the force of it all. They pressed against each other, feeling their excitements through their jeans, the layers of fabric between them almost more of a blessing at that point. Without it, it would be too much.

Taekwoon broke the kiss and gasped for air like he’d been kept under water. His head fell forward and he rested his forehead on Sanghyuk’s heaving chest while catching his breath.

“Bedroom.” Sanghyuk said, more a command than a suggestion. But Taekwoon pushed against him in agreement and off they went.

Hand in hand, closing the door behind them – Sanghyuk locking it for safe measure – and then falling backwards onto the bed, pulling Taekwoon on top of him to give him some control. He couldn’t trust himself to take the lead. Not when he was like that.

He liked being in control. He liked bossing around. He’d discovered this over the years and wasn’t sure how Taekwoon would respond to it. He knew Taekwoon was defiant in most settings. Whenever he was bossed around he either got grumpy or promptly refused.

The thing was; Hongbin was also like that. And yet, in the bedroom it turned him on. He would get all worked up about it, but at the same time it worked on him like a magic spell. It couldn’t always be like that, which was how Wonshik and Hakyeon kept the careful balance in their three-way relationship. Wonshik and Hakyeon were polar opposites; Wonshik a pleaser to the core, Hakyeon even bossier than Sanghyuk. Hakyeon only being around for short periods of time made it work, apparently.

So, naturally, Sanghyuk wondered if Taekwoon might have the same reaction as Hongbin. But he was also a little scared to find out, knowing he would lose a part of himself if it didn’t work for them. It wasn’t a big deal. He thought, at least. He couldn’t really know for sure. So, he let Taekwoon take the lead when they got on the bed and Taekwoon embraced the role naturally. He’d done it before. Then again, Sanghyuk never assumed he hadn’t.

He pushed up Sanghyuk’s t-shirt to reveal his stomach so that he could kiss it upwards, revealing more and more skin as he went. It tickled and aroused him all at once and it was making blood rush downwards and to his head. His hands grabbed at the sheets, trying to find some ground and slow down the rush going through his body. Then his t-shirt was gone and Taekwoon was teasing his nipples. He moaned helplessly, one hand finding Taekwoon’s hair and pulled it. He was rewarded with a grunt.

He groaned. “Take off your shirt.” He commanded, though it bordered on a plea. Taekwoon gave him a quick glance, then sat up and slowly unbuttoned his shirt while looking at him with dark eyes glittering with lust.

It was the lust that got to him. It spiked his veins and a sudden rush of pleasure made him go completely hard against his jeans. He moaned, eyes closing at the sensation and his back arched ever so slightly upwards. A hand pressed against his abdomen, then slid downwards. He opened his eyes and the shirt was long gone. Taekwoon’s hands were opening his jeans. Those long, skinny fingers were so close to their target.

Anticipation surged through him, making him arch again. He was breathing so hard, it was ridiculous. The zipper on his jeans sprung open once Taekwoon started sliding it down, the bulge in Sanghyuk’s underwear so obvious it made him horny just by looking at it. His own arousal turned him on.

They dragged it out as much as they could, until Sanghyuk couldn’t take it anymore and basically ripped the rest of their clothes off and attached his mouth to Taekwoon’s body until the older was moaning his name in a way that almost got him off right there.

He didn’t want to experiment too much their first time and, frankly, his mind was blank the moment his eyes had the chance to appreciate the glory that was an entirely naked Taekwoon. It became painfully clear that they had dragged it out to a point where they both were in pleasurable pain from finally getting to go all the way.

They ended up going for it more than once, because every time Sanghyuk had the chance to think, the extremely vivid memory of Taekwoon’s moan when and the sensation of finally being inside him after so many years of only imagining it, would appear in his mind and turn him on all over again. Besides, Taekwoon seemed more than happy to fulfil to his appetite. He just couldn’t keep his hands off of him, once the invisible barrier was breached. It didn’t matter how tired, sore or sweaty they were, he just couldn’t stop – until they both fell asleep in each other’s arms. Taekwoon slept with his head on Sanghyuk’s chest, blacked out mid-sentence of a soft conversation. 

They talked a lot through the night. There was a point where they had both woken up again after having dozed off a few hours before. Neither knew what time it was, or even cared. It was Sunday, they were satisfied, well fucked and very, very soft for each other. Taekwoon stirring on Sanghyuk’s chest and the tickle of breath on his bare skin woke him up. Taekwoon made an indistinct sound that sounded like he tried talking but failed. His voice just turned into a croak. Sanghyuk chuckled sleepily, which made his chest jump – Taekwoon’s head with it.

And then they would talk until they fell asleep again. A wall was down, and it seemed to be causing a small flood within Taekwoon because he shared more that night than he had ever done to Sanghyuk. He told Sanghyuk about the night he’d been thrown out of his own home by his father, after he’d punched him, and how Jaehwan’s Mom had patched him up while she was crying with pain and pity for him. He had begged them not to take him to the emergency room and they had listened. He had felt horrible and he wanted to die right there because his secret was out, and someone else’s Mom was crying for him. He avoided talking about it after that, and that was why Sanghyuk never really got to know the entire story. The entire family had silently agreed on leaving the burden of telling to Taekwoon, and he just never did. Until now.

There was a scar on his jaw and Sanghyuk had kissed it softly. He could see Taekwoon was having a hard time from remembering, his eyes swam with emotions. He’d asked him if he’d ever seen his parents after that and he answered that he’d met with his mother around a year ago. She seemed okay at first and he started to hope, but then when their meal was done, and they were sipping their tea, his mother had asked him if he would go on some blind dates she’d arranged.

“She said she’d found all these girls that she approved of. Daughters of rich families and big companies within law. It was like she was selling me off like some breed animal. I almost threw up onto the table, I was so shocked. Thinking of it now, I shouldn’t have been, because that was how she met my dad, but still. I never imagined. Not on our first meeting in so many years. Not when she _knew_ I’m gay. I didn’t even say a word, I just left her there and went to Jaehwan’s place.”

It had chilled Sanghyuk to the core to listen to his story. He knew his own parents were a rarity. Their acceptance of Taekwoon and then later of him was almost like a miracle, but he’d never thought about it that way. And he could imagine many did, until they were proven wrong in the worst possible way. He was so relieved his family had been there for Taekwoon at that time. It didn’t sound like his life would have continued much longer if he didn’t have anyone to go to after that fight with his father. Sanghyuk had met Taekwoon’s father, before it happened, and he could never have imagined the man hitting his own son. He was silent but friendly whenever he met him or Jaehwan, but that just showed how different people could be within the shell they show the public eye.

Sanghyuk almost felt bad when he told his own contrasting story of coming out to his parents after Taekwoon moved out. He didn’t quite know why he waited that long, but he had a feeling it had to do with Taekwoon. He didn’t tell him that little detail. His parents had been very understanding and supportive and, in the end, his own coming out seemed like such a small happening that he almost felt a little ridiculous for making it seem like such a big deal to himself. But, of course, that was only a feeling one could have _after_ knowing for sure that the parents didn’t care. He could never know if his parents were fine with Taekwoon being gay simply because he was not their own child. And he never knew his Mom had cried while mending Taekwoon either, since he hadn’t been home that dramatic night. He had come home from spending the night at a “sleepover” (gaming in a pc room all night with his friends) and then Taekwoon was living there and that was it. He was already crushing on Taekwoon, so he didn’t mind at all and didn’t question it. _His_ world had just turned a little brighter.

It felt good to know Taekwoon’s side of the story. And he wanted to know everything he could about him, so he was grateful for the sudden sharing. Taekwoon drifted off again after that, but Sanghyuk’s mind reeled with memories of the first few weeks of Taekwoon’s stay at their home. It was fuzzy, the timeline messed up and disturbed by non-related memories, but a lot of things that had confused him back then now finally made sense. Most of all how his parents had acted around Taekwoon and how, for a long period of time, the never-serious jokester of a brother of his had suddenly turned into a serious, pampering and sad-looking boy Sanghyuk didn’t recognise. After a while he turned back to normal, but it had been a very confusing time for Sanghyuk. He was grateful for his own teenage self-centred world that had kept him from feeling like the only one not in on the secret elephant in the room. He had wondered at times, but it had never been much of a bother for him. He was too busy having a crush on a 5 years older boy who lived in his brother’s room, that seemed to barely know he existed.

His head was too alive for him to drift back asleep, but with Taekwoon peacefully asleep on his chest he wasn’t moving anywhere. Only a fire alarm could move him now, because the sight of him was just too endearing and the warmth from his naked body felt too nice. Thankfully he had long arms, so he was able to pick up a book from the pile beside his bed and settled for tiring himself by reading. It was clear that it was daytime; his room was bright enough for him to read comfortably despite the curtains being drawn. It didn’t take long for him to give up on the book and drift to sleep again.

He woke up again later from feeling cold air on his chest. He opened his eyes to see that Taekwoon was gone and he felt desperate for a pee. With urge chasing him, he jumped out of bed and rushed to the bathroom. Taekwoon was in the shower, steam rolling out from behind the shower curtain temptingly. Sanghyuk was surprised he hadn’t locked the door, Hongbin and Wonshik lived there too after all – though they never heard them come home during the night. He rid of his urging burden, locked the door, and joined Taekwoon in the shower.

\--

Hongbin and Wonshik returned in the afternoon with take-away Chinese dinner for all of them, maybe in hope for a truce with Sanghyuk after what they’d pulled the night before. Hongbin was setting everything up on the kitchen island when Sanghyuk joined him to pretend to help.

“You’re not off the hook.” He told Hongbin, trying to sound more annoyed than he was. After how their night ended, he wasn’t really that mad about it anymore, but he wasn’t about to let Hongbin know that. Hongbin tried to make an apologetic smile but failed. So full of mischief, that one.

“I just couldn’t help it. Plus, we wanna get to know him too, you know?” Hongbin told him genuinely, giving Sanghyuk’s hip a bump because his hands were full.

“He had a good time, thankfully.” Sanghyuk softened.

“He’s a really good singer.” Hongbin said and meant it. “I think Wonshik is developing a crush for his voice.” He said a little quieter, nodding towards the other two sitting on the floor in front of the sofa with Wonshik’s laptop in front of them, sharing earbuds and nodding along to some music.

“Is he playing him his own tunes?” Sanghyuk asked, shocked. Wonshik was really private with his music. Even Sanghyuk sometimes had to beg to listen in. Hongbin nodded, eyebrows raised. Wonshik had definitely gone soft for him. Sanghyuk felt a strange mix of relief, happiness and a little pinch of jealousy over both men.

The mood around the table had changed rapidly since the last time they’d shared a meal together, and Sanghyuk was nothing but happy for it. Taekwoon felt like a part of them now and he could feel the acceptance he had achieved from his friends. Despite everything, it _was_ important to him that they at least were friendly together. Whenever he glanced over to Taekwoon to check on him, he seemed comfortable and he was smiling and laughing along with them. It warmed his heart to see him like this. They had come so far in such short time and they were able to enjoy themselves without thinking about the inevitable end to it all only 5 days away.

They spent the rest of the Sunday playing boardgames and joking around together all four of them. Around 9pm Taekwoon announced that he had to get back to the hotel, since he had work in the morning. Sanghyuk walked him outside to help him hail a taxi. They stood side by side on the sidewalk in silence, the cold air making their skin prickle.

“I had a great time, Hyuk-ah.” Taekwoon’s soft, warm voice was like a warm breeze that instantly healed Sanghyuk’s coldness, it seemed. He turned to look at the older and saw him smiling warmly. He looked happy. Happier than he’d ever looked since he came to Berlin. It was such a relief that Sanghyuk couldn’t wait until he’d answered to kiss him, so he leaned in first. He kissed him softly. Intimately, even though his hands were kept in his coat pocket the entire time. Taekwoon smiled onto his lips.

God, he felt like a puppy in love. So much bubbling happiness within him it was as if he could burst.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” He asked, eager to see him again. He hadn’t even left yet, and he was already looking forward to meeting again. But Taekwoon grimaced and Sanghyuk’s heart sank.

“I’m not sure yet. I’ll have to see how things are when I turn up tomorrow. Things are a bit of a mess right now.” He said, sounding guilty.

“But you’re alright now, right? You solved the problem? The blackmail?” He was speaking too fast, stumbling on his words. It all came rushing over him all at once; the fact that Taekwoon was leaving in 5 days and he didn’t even know how much he had the chance to see him. This had been heir last weekend. He was leaving on _Friday._ In the morning. There was barely any time left and he had classes, Taekwoon had work and _fuck –_ he had an assignment deadline on Friday too.

He didn’t notice that his own breathing had quickened until Taekwoon’s hands were holding his face and bringing him out of his own head. “Hey. We’ll figure something out. You can come sleep over in the hotel or something. I want to see you too.” Taekwoon told him, assuring him with magic effect. His words were so genuine it was impossible not to believe him. Sanghyuk wasn’t used to being the one freaking out, but Taekwoon turned out to be good at grounding him.

He took a deep breath and exhaled with an okay.

“I figured it out, it’s the German side that’s a mess right now as a result. I don’t know what I’m going to witness tomorrow, but you’ve done an amazing job keeping my mind off it all weekend.” Taekwoon said, ending it with a kiss. “Thank you for that, Hyuk-ah. You’ve helped a lot more than I think you realise.”

A taxi arrived, the first one in fifteen minutes of waiting there in the cold, and Sanghyuk’s arm shot up to stop it. When he saw it slowing down he turned his gaze back on Taekwoon, letting the words sink in properly. It felt good to hear that he’d been a help and not a hazard. He didn’t want to end up just being a distraction to him.

He didn’t have anything to say in return, so he kissed him one last time before shoving him into the taxi and waving goodbye.

\--

He spent the Monday in distracted jitters. Despite the reassurances from Taekwoon, the ticking timer in his mind was eating him up slowly, torturing him and making it hard to concentrate on his class. He made silly mistakes, missed out on important instructions and annoyed his teachers to no end all day until he could finally step back into his apartment in the afternoon and throw himself onto the sofa – head onto Wonshik’s lap. Wonshik had been sitting with his laptop in his lap, which he barely quick enough saved from being shoved to the floor by the sudden _thump_ of Sanghyuk. Wonshik made a distressed sound, holding the precious machine above his head and staring at Sanghyuk. He was about to scold him, until he saw the pained expression on his face.

“What’s got into you?” He asked, closing the laptop and carefully tucking it between himself and the armrest. Sanghyuk sighed heavily, dramatically and pinched his eyes shut. He looked as if he was about to cry, which made Wonshik freak out a little. Sanghyuk wasn’t a frequent crier and Wonshik wasn’t very good at dealing with – well – emotions. It wasn’t as if he didn’t have them, he was a very sentimental guy, but he wasn’t good at talking about it. It was something only really Hakyeon got him to do.

“He’s leaving in five days, Hyung, FIVE DAYS.” Sanghyuk waved his hands. Wonshik then understood that Sanghyuk was close to tears of frustration over how unfair the world is – and how fast time is. He didn’t really know what to say but tried to think of what Hakyeon would say.

“Are you guys meeting up today?” He asked carefully, threading his hands through Sanghyuk’s hair soothingly.

“Maybe. I don’t know. He was going to text me when he knew, but I haven’t heard anything from him yet.” Sanghyuk groaned. Wonshik’s heart hurt for him. It was going to be hard when Taekwoon left, he could see that now. He had feared this when he got to know the situation of the two.

“It’s only he afternoon. He’s probably still in the office, right? He’ll text you when he’s done, and you can go see him right away.” He tried to be positive for Sanghyuk’s sake, without being too annoying. It seemed to work, Sanghyuk’s body becoming less tense as his hands worked on his scalp and the frown on his face loosened up a little.

“I’m scared he won’t have any time at all.” Sanghyuk said quietly. It made him sound so young and Wonshik’s heart broke a little for him. He loved the kid so much that it pained him on a daily basis, and yet all he could do for him was tell him it’ll be alright.

“He wants to see you too. He’ll text you for sure.” He assured, hands now stroking his hair softly. Sanghyuk’s eyes opened and looked up at him. They were filled with fear and longing. Sanghyuk had fallen way too deep for his own good, they knew that now. He could see him realise what was in store for him when the week was over.

\--

Sanghyuk woke up from an alarm with Taekwoon’s arms around him Tuesday morning. Taekwoon had texted him at 10pm, asking if it was too late for him to come and sleep over. Sanghyuk had jumped into a taxi right away, going there with his sweats and hoodie, only wallet and phone in hand. Taekwoon seemed exhausted, but not worried. Sanghyuk didn’t ask him about work. Instead the kissed for what seemed like forever and then fell asleep with their feet tangled, half-undressed and lips red and swollen.

Taekwoon moved to turn off the alarm and the coldness that replaced his presence around Sanghyuk’s bare shoulders was an unwelcome start of the day. He knew what the alarm meant, and he hated it for it. He wished sleep wasn’t necessary, so they could’ve fucked all night and it’d be okay anyway. But Taekwoon had work.

Groaning, Taekwoon got out of bed and went straight to the shower. Sanghyuk watched him as he went, admiring the lack of sense in his state of wear. Bare upper body, boxers, his wristwatch and a single sock. Apparently Sanghyuk never made it to the second foot. What a shame. He’d have to catch up on that.

With a rush of lust, he got up to go join him in the shower. They only had four more days, he needed to make the most of any time he had with him.

He crashed into Taekwoon with clear intent, kissing him deep at first, then turning him around so his ass aligned perfectly with his hardening arousal. Taekwoon moaned, sounding needy, bracing himself with an arm to the wall. Sanghyuk sucked his neck and shoulders, leaving little red marks while his right hand reached around to jerk him off. He knew they didn’t have a lot of time, so he worked with determined focus.

It didn’t take long for Taekwoon to get close to an end, and then he turned around to face Sanghyuk and gave him a kiss so hard it almost bruised his lips. He guided their arousals together and jerked them both in his hand while Sanghyuk caressed his sides, moaning into his mouth. He jerked his mouth away to gasp when he came, and Taekwoon bit at his neck as if passion had consumed him before he too came to an end with a guttered moan.

They hugged under the spray of water, foreheads together, panting in unison.

“I love you.” Sanghyuk told him softly, in a helpless tone that spoke of pain and Taekwoon’s eyes turned black with fear.

\--


	17. But it's Dark

_And I bathed in the light you gave_   
_But it's dark in another way_   
_Yes, you gave me the light today_   
_But it's dark, it's dark, it's dark_   
_“Eyes off of you” – Bombay Bicycle Club_

 

It was the tone of his voice that scared him, Sanghyuk realised. He’d declared his love for Taekwoon before, but never so directly and this time the words had possessed a certain weight to them that hadn’t been there before. He had sounded so pained and sad when he said it, the echo of his own voice had even scared himself. Taekwoon’s fear had turned into guilt, then sadness. The unspoken words were, of course, that he couldn’t promise anything. Instead Taekwoon had hugged him.

Taekwoon didn’t love him yet. At least not in the same way he loved him.

It was a heart-breaking thought to wrap his head around and it was scary. He should’ve been more careful with himself, he thought. He should’ve seen it coming, known the harm it would do, controlled himself more, stopped himself before he let things go too far.

_Too far?_

But he didn’t regret a thing, did he? He had done everything he wanted. Then he wanted so much more. Was there any way he could’ve done it differently and not regretted it when Taekwoon had left? Not really. He was already regretting not having been faster on the trigger. Not initiating earlier, so they could’ve had more time being together like this. Touching at every opportunity, fucking like rabbits.

No, this was just how things would have to be. He would just have to deal. Soldier through. And try not to make Taekwoon feel guiltier about not having come as far as him emotionally and for not being able to promise him what he wanted. He’d done enough damage in that department already. His memory of confession had been tainted by that look of guilt on Taekwoon’s eyes. It made Sanghyuk wish he could take his words back. Rewind the time, somehow. Just a few seconds. Only to not say those three words and make Taekwoon shut himself in the rest of the morning – lost in a bubble of deep thought.

Sanghyuk had skipped breakfast. The guilt was like bile in his throat and he couldn’t make himself want food, so he said he had to go to class and left him in the lobby to eat breakfast by himself. He didn’t like doing it, but he needed to get away. After he’d left he wished he’d told Taekwoon not to worry about it. It was fine. He was fine. They would be fine. See you tonight… anything.

_“God, why did I have to say it like that.”_ He thought, frustrated, closing his eyes and thumping his head against the window of the bus he was riding back home. His class got cancelled and he sat down and tried desperately to start the assignment he needed to hand in by Friday. The assignment was the worst possible reminder of the impending end of Taekwoon’s stay.

He needed not to fuck up because of this. He needed to make things go back to normal.

He needed to calm. The fuck. Down.

Deep breaths. Focus. _Calm._

He started typing and suddenly he was off.

\--

It was almost 7pm when the doorbell rang and Wonshik went to answer it because Sanghyuk was still on a writing frenzy, only having stopped once for food on Hongbin’s strict orders.

Wonshik’s head peeked into his room. “Taekwoon’s here. I’m assuming you want to be disturbed, but he wants me to make sure.”

Sanghyuk turned his chair around and Wonshik flinched at the look of him. Sanghyuk knew; his eyes looked horrible. They always did if he sat for too long in front of a bright screen or read a book for a long time in poor lighting. They shrunk, kind of, and it looked really weird. It made him look like he hadn’t slept in a hundred years. But he didn’t care; he looked like that all the time. Taekwoon better get used to it.

“I need a break anyway.” Sanghyuk said, getting up. The air in his room had turned stuffy, so he didn’t want to be there anymore. He opened the window to air out and stepped out into the living room where Taekwoon had somehow successfully arranged his limbs into a comfortable looking position on their sofa. Sanghyuk stepped up behind him and gave his shoulders a hug over the back of the sofa, their heads side-by-side.

“Hey.” He murmured, his voice croaky and tired as if he’d been sleeping. Taekwoon only hummed in answer, stole a glance at Wonshik standing in the kitchen with his back turned to them, and tilted his head so that their lips met softly.

Sanghyuk’s stomach fluttered. He wanted to groan, the feeling of tension from working on his assignment all day being released from him just by one simple kiss. Taekwoon was just so amazing, he couldn’t believe it. He climbed over the sofa’s back and settled with lying down flat on his back with his head on Taekwoon’s lap, looking up at him with a goofy smile.

He was so relieved their dynamic hadn’t gotten screwed up by what he’d said in the morning. He could see Taekwoon was too, the way he smiled down at him with a sense of relief.

“Tea is ready.” Wonshik told them and walked over with three mugs. He handed one to Taekwoon, set one on the table and kept one for himself as he picked up his laptop and discreetly left the room without a word. Sanghyuk’s eyes followed him in amusement. He could bet Wonshik was just _aching_ to be in his position right now, being pampered with and given tea to. Taekwoon stroked his hair with his free hand while cutely blowing his hot tea and Sanghyuk felt like he had entered the garden of Eden.

_“Just let me stay like this for the rest of my life.”_ He thought happily, smiling and closing his eyes.

“Hyuk-ah.” Taekwoon’s soft voice broke the silence after several minutes of Sanghyuk just listening to him breathe and enjoying the pampering. He hummed in answer, opening his eyes to show he was listening.

“You know that I care about you a lot, right?” Taekwoon looked guilty again and a spike of pain shot through Sanghyuk’s heart. He knew his voice would crack again if he spoke, so he nodded with a hum.

“This morning, I-   
It’s not that I don’t love you, Hyuk-ah, I just don’t want to make any promises I don’t know for sure I can keep.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes couldn’t keep the contact anymore and he looked away from those eyes that were filled with pity for him. He didn’t want pity. It was his fault, not Taekwoon’s. He’d gone too far.

“Thank you for loving me.” Taekwoon said quietly. “I really hope I can love you back just as much when you come home.”

He was sounding so sad, it was breaking Sanghyuk’s heart to listen. His eyes watered, but he looked up at Taekwoon anyway. But the mention of them being something when he returned to Seoul lit a ray of hope inside him.

“Me too.” He answered, and his voice didn’t crack. He lifted his arm and used his hand to guide Taekwoon’s face to his and kissed him softly. “And I’m sorry for making you feel bad for me. I never wanted you to.” He couldn’t look at him as he said that, instead he kept his eyes on his mouth. Taekwoon kissed him again, harder, and didn’t say a word. Just kept on combing his hands through Sanghyuk’s stark white hair and the contrasting black roots that had slowly become longer and longer during Taekwoon’s stay.

\--

He must’ve fallen asleep, because when he opened his eyes again his mouth tasted horrible and his head felt like a rock. He was still on the sofa, but Taekwoon was gone. The smell of food filled his nostrils and his eyes darted to the kitchen. Hongbin and Taekwoon was cooking together. Sanghyuk stared, not quite trusting his eyes to show him something so dreamy. So… _domestic._

Judging by the smell, they were making spaghetti. He rolled off the sofa and onto the floor with a thud – it was the only way to escape it, really – and struggled to get up. His entire body was stiff and sore from sitting at his desk all day and then sleeping on the sofa. How long had he slept? It couldn’t have been too long, since Taekwoon needed to go back to the hotel before it got too late anyway and, clearly, he hadn’t left yet. He even had time for dinner.

The thud from him crashing to the floor had made the two newly-made friends look up from their hushed chatter and observe him get up on his stiff legs.

“You doing okay there, Bambi?” Hongbin asked teasingly. Taekwoon chuckled and Sanghyuk felt betrayed.

“What time is it?” He asked, his voice even cracking. His body was just not working with him that day.

“You only slept for about 30 minutes.” Taekwoon said. Sanghyuk staggered his way over and climbed onto a stool.

“Good! That’s a relief. What’s for dinner?” He asked, trying to peek over at the stove.

“Taekwoon’s teaching me his rosé pasta.” Hongbin said, wiggling his eyebrows. He seemed genuinely excited. Sanghyuk couldn’t be annoyed at him anymore.

“Ohh, the famous rosé pasta, huh?” Sanghyuk said with an exaggerated impressed voice and cocked an eyebrow at Taekwoon. There was a story there; one only he and Jaehwan knew, most likely. Rosé pasta was just about the only dinner Taekwoon was able to make besides ramyeon, and he was just so damn proud of it anyway. Taekwoon blushed at the tone, but his eyes gave him a warning look.

_“Do.not.spill.the.beans.”_ the look told him. Loud and clear. Sanghyuk had to hide his grin with a subtle wipe of his mouth.

Granted; the rosé pasta was quite good. Sanghyuk was excited to have it again, since the last time would have to be before Taekwoon moved out of their house. About 9 years ago then.

_WOW._

_9 YEARS?_

If he wasn’t feeling old when he struggled to stand up…well.

He inhaled the lovely smell. It seemed to be just about done, even though Hongbin was fussing over it and Taekwoon tried to keep him calm.

“Go fetch Wonshik, will you? He’s got those earphones on, he can’t hear a thing.” Hongbin asked him over his shoulder. Sanghyuk stiffly got up and obeyed.

Even more than last time; their dynamic seemed to become so natural when all four of them ate together. Wonshik and Hongbin were all over Taekwoon’s signature dish, promptly asking if he could teach Hongbin some more dishes – which made it really hard for Sanghyuk to keep his food in his mouth for a second. Taekwoon shot him a look before gracefully declining their request, using Sanghyuk as his excuse. Sanghyuk simply had to look away to keep from laughing.

“Why don’t you teach Hongbin to cook proper ramyeon?” He teased when they closed the door to his bedroom behind them after dinner was done and the dishes cleared and cleaned by Sanghyuk and Wonshik. Taekwoon hit his shoulder, not very hard.

“What? He’s crap at it! It’s the only thing we entrust Wonshik to make, in fact.” Sanghyuk giggled. Taekwoon’s mouth was itching to smile as well, he could see it so clearly.

“What about you then? What do you make?” Taekwoon countered, pushing his shoulder playfully.

“I’m really good at using the phone.” Sanghyuk grinned and stuck his tongue out when Taekwoon shook his head at him in disapproval.

“How you have survived without your Mom here is a mystery to me.” Taekwoon teased, pressing himself closer. Sanghyuk’s legs met with his bed and he fell backwards. Taekwoon stayed upright, looking down at him with a smile so beautiful Sanghyuk couldn’t look away. He didn’t have a comeback to that, stunned by beauty.

Taekwoon winked at him. _Winked._

Then discarded his shirt and climbed on top of him with lustful eyes as Sanghyuk’s heart raced in his chest.

\--

He’d fallen asleep again and Taekwoon had left. He’d sent him a text, telling him the next day – today now – would be his last day at the German company. He would try to finish as soon as possible, check out of his hotel and spend the rest of his time there. With him?

He shot up, scrolled down the long message.

_“I asked Hongbin already and he said it was ok. Sorry I didn’t tell you before you fell asleep.”_ The message said.

Taekwoon was going to live with him for the rest of the week?

His brain just about exploded. He needed to clean. Change sheets. Hell, he needed to finish his assignment ASAP if he was going to be able to make the most of their time.

He was so excited he jumped out of bed like a little boy on Christmas morning.

\--

The newfound energy burst gave him what he needed to finish his task early, hand it in, clean his room, change his sheets, go shopping for food, drinks and snacks and take a proper shower and make himself look extra delicious by styling his hair and applying a tiny bit of eyeliner.

He was planning on taking Taekwoon out on a dinner date at first, then changed his mind when he was at the supermarket and got tempted by a chicken tandoori set. It looked easy enough, and he was apparently craving Indian food.

Taekwoon texted him at 6pm sharp, telling him he was heading to the hotel to pack up, check out and then taking a taxi straight over. Sanghyuk abandoned his halfway watched episode of ‘Attack on Titan’ and started cooking up the dinner.

It was quick and easy to make, no witchcraft needed, but it was _too_ quick. He was done within fifteen minutes, which was basically the time it took for Taekwoon to get there – but he needed to pack first and stuff. Those things took time, the food was going to get cold!

Sanghyuk tore at his hair at the foreign crisis he was in. What could he do? Put it in the oven? That should be fine, right? If he only turned it on low heat? Yeah? Yes. It had to work. It just had to. He shoved the whole frying pan into the oven and turned the temperature on low and hoped for the best. Then he set the table, running around to find Hakyeon’s storage of home-made candles, fancy napkins and all else romantic they never used when he wasn’t there.

He’d broke a sweat by the time the doorbell rang and he opened the door to see a flush Taekwoon with his two suitcases, panting but smiling at him. He looked positively 10 years younger when he was smiling and blushing at the same time, Sanghyuk mused. He ushered him in, took the suitcases from him and rolled them hurriedly into his bedroom and then jogged to the kitchen to check on the food.

It seemed okay. He stirred it around and checked the temperature with his finger. It had been in there for 15-20 minutes tops, so he didn’t think the damage could be any bad anyway. He shrugged, placed it on the table and only then realised he’d never cooked the rice.

To be fair, he wasn’t used to cooking rice. Back home in Korea there was always rice available in the rice cooker, no matter what, their Mom made sure of that. He had never cooked rice before, but he certainly had never seen it packed like it was in the box before. It was plastic wrapped in some weird-looking plastic full of holes in it. He looked at the backside of the box for instructions.

“Ohh, I just chuck the whole thing in boiling water.” He mumbled to himself, fixated on the instructions. “For 20 minutes?! Scheiße!” He exclaimed in German, annoyed.

“Need help?” Taekwoon asked from behind him. He was seated at the kitchen island, messing with the finished food.

“No, no, I got this. I got it.” Sanghyuk huffed. He put the frying pan back into the oven and turned on the kettle, knowing it was faster than waiting for the water to boil in a pan. He set a pan with only a little water in it on the stove and turned it to full heat.

“I just wanted to have dinner ready when you came over, but I forgot to boil the rice.” He turned around to lean on the counter, giving Taekwoon an apologetic look.

“That’s okay. Can I go take a quick shower while we wait?” Taekwoon asked. Sanghyuk nodded, smiling. Taekwoon leaned in and gave him a quick peck before he went, so naturally, so everyday-like. It was normal now; kissing and stuff. Sanghyuk’s face broke into a massive smile that hurt his cheeks, his stomach full of bubbles.

His food was mediocre at best, in his own opinion. Taekwoon kept complimenting him, but he didn’t buy it. The tandoori wasn’t nearly spicy enough and the rice clearly wasn’t cooked well enough. But he’d made dinner, and that was a feat in itself in his own opinion. He promised himself he’d leave the cooking to Taekwoon as soon as he got the chance. _If_ he got the chance, he corrected himself.

Hongbin and Wonshik had the sense to keep out that evening, since Taekwoon was definitely sleeping over and the two needed their alone time together. But when the table was cleared, the dishes done – Taekwoon did them this time, while Sanghyuk showered because he felt gross from running around so much – and they sat down in the living room together, they seemed to be out of things to say.

While most silences between them felt natural and comfortable, this time it felt awkward for them both to just be sitting there on the floor, side by side and having nothing to say. Desperate for an end to the silence, Sanghyuk asked the question he’d been meaning to avoid.

“So… how did things at work go in the end? The deal is done?”

Taekwoon nodded slowly. “The deal is off.”

Sanghyuk’s eyes widened. Surely…not because of them, right?

Taekwoon read his mind. “Not because of the whole blackmail thing, don’t worry. It just wasn’t a good deal in the first place, when all the facts were on the table. Even though I was able to negotiate a compromise, in the end my company decided to pull out. I think all the back and forth warned them off. I fully support the decision, I don’t ever want to deal with this company again.” He explained, sounding so much more grown-up than Sanghyuk felt he would ever manage to be.

“Was that okay though? I mean, I’m sure the German side wasn’t a fan of your decision. They seemed very eager to get this deal through.” Sanghyuk asked, worried even though Taekwoon had already said things were alright.

“Once the decision was made by my supervisors, with my observations and legal advice taken into accord, the German side had no say in the matter. A final decision from the company is not something they can approach me, as a mere legal advisor, about. So, we wrapped up and I made sure of leaving with no loose ends.”

_“No loose ends_.” Sanghyuk thought, pondering on the words. To him it sounded like Taekwoon had gotten rid of the footage of the two of them. Which probably only meant he’d seen too many action movies; he couldn’t really imagine Taekwoon doing something so sneaky.

Then again, he didn’t really know Taekwoon all that well. That was one thing he had learned during the stay. He had a lot more to learn about him and he was excited for it.

“I’m glad you finished up today, so we can spend more time together.” Sanghyuk told him, reaching out to touch his thigh attentively. Taekwoon smiled at him, genuinely happy, eyes so warm and inviting.

“Me too.” He sighed, putting a hand on top of Sanghyuk’s resting on his thigh. “But do you have school tomorrow?”

He did. But tomorrow was their last full day together and there was no way he was going. He’d already asked a classmate to take notes for him.

“I don’t.” He lied with a sigh, looking away in fear of his lie showing. Instead he looked at their hands, turning his own so that they naturally folded together into an embrace. Taekwoon’s hand was cool in his while he was warm, as always. The coolness felt good against his warm skin.

“What do you want to do tomorrow? Any sights you want to see before you go?” He asked him. He let his thumb stroke Taekwoon’s. It felt a lot more intimate than one would think and he felt his heart go soft in his chest. He shuffled closer to him, planning on a kiss.

“Not really. We can stay in and just… you know. Be together. If you want.” Taekwoon answered, stumbling a little on his words and their potential double meaning. He turned his head to accommodate Sanghyuk’s obvious intention, leaning in ever so slightly until their lips were only barely apart.

“Sounds good to me.” Sanghyuk murmured, eyes on Taekwoon’s, heart thumping in his chest, his hand turning back around to brace himself on Taekwoon’s thigh before he leaned in the rest of the way and met his lips with a gasp.

He wanted Taekwoon to kiss him everywhere. He climbed into his lap while kissing him hungrily, groaning when Taekwoon’s hands found his asscheeks and squeezed them teasingly, pulling them closer at the same time. He moved from Sanghyuk’s mouth to his throat, kissing his Adams apple, his sternum – which made him gasp because it tickled and aroused him at the same time – and then quickly discarded Sanghyuk’s loose t-shirt to kiss along his collarbones as well.

Sanghyuk was panting, staring at the roof and leaning back to give Taekwoon access to his chest. Taekwoon kept working his way downwards; to the nipples, kissing the both, first around and then on them, making them wet so that when his mouth left them and he breathed on them, Sanghyuk felt them go cold and hard. He leaned back further, using his arms and legs to brace himself from falling backwards, and Taekwoon took the hint to continue his journey.

When Taekwoon reached the middle of his chest and couldn’t go further down due to their position, he placed a hand on the middle of Sanghyuk’s chest, eyes making contact with lust flaring. Then he pushed slightly and Sanghyuk yielded, laying down flat on his back on the floor. Taekwoon tugged at the front of his sweatpants before giving him a look – a question. Sanghyuk huffed, nodding. His chest was exploding with heartbeats. The anticipation in him making him go painfully hard. He hadn’t put on underwear after the shower, just the sweatpants.

The feeling of Taekwoon’s mouth on him made his vision go white. His mind was blank. The heat, the sounds, the humming sounds Taekwoon was making – showing that he was _enjoying it_. Enjoying him. He was going to go crazy like this. He would never recover.

His hands clawed at the floor. He didn’t have the strength to look at Taekwoon, his back arching making it too hard for him to lift his head. Taekwoon worked him relentlessly until Sanghyuk couldn’t take it anymore and released the pressure into his mouth with a strangled moan.

\--

Cuddling up in bed together, Sanghyuk spooning a spent and tired Taekwoon after being fucked against the mattress, they both felt truly happy. The way things had progressed since the weekend had given Sanghyuk an inkling of hope for the future. When he looked at Taekwoon, he could see that he had feelings for him. When they kissed, he could sense the want in him. When they made love, he could feel the lust. A connection that made all those feelings come together and make things work between them. Even if he might need to re-awaken that connection when they reunited, he felt positive that he could. There was something within Taekwoon that cared for him deeply, he knew that now.

Taekwoon couldn’t give him a promise, but that was alright. He didn’t need one anymore. He just needed his own faith in himself and in them. And he needed to trust that his love for him was strong enough to take it.

What scared him the most was the pain he now knew he would face when Taekwoon left. The pain from not having him there with him anymore, from having him so far away and in a different time zone. The time zones made it difficult to keep in touch. He believed that was part of the reason why Jaehwan and he didn’t talk nearly as much as they should. And he knew Taekwoon hated being on the phone, talking over video, even chatting he didn’t really care for. Sanghyuk didn’t write much to people himself, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t be able to rest if he didn’t hear from Taekwoon as often as possible, and then chat was his best option.

It was going to be hard, but he believed it was worth it.

He kissed Taekwoon’s neck thoughtfully. Their bodies literally couldn’t be closer, and yet he wanted to be even closer to him. Felt like he couldn’t get close enough. He buried his nose in his hair, inhaling the scent of his own shampoo on him.

It just felt so good to have him there. In his arms. Happy.

\--

They slept in, only waking from a careful knock on the door sometime close to noon, judging by how the room was bathed in bright light from outside.

“We’ve brought coffee and croissants for you guys, time to wake up.” Hongbin’s voice sing-songed through the door. Sanghyuk groaned, turning around to reach for his phone but instead falling to the floor with an unpleasant thud.

“Ow.” He muttered. Taekwoon chuckled, his voice raspy with sleep. He turned to look at him. His face was drawn. Tired. But he was smiling.

They looked at each other in silence, Taekwoon seemingly trying to read Sanghyuk’s face, Sanghyuk trying his best to compose it. There was no way to deny it, was there?

“This is the last day, huh.” Sanghyuk said quietly. Taekwoon nodded, watching him intently. Sanghyuk couldn’t take it for long, so he hid his face in the edge of the mattress. He could hear the sound and feel the motion of Taekwoon shuffling closer to him. A hand caressed his hair.

“Let’s eat breakfast.” Taekwoon murmured softly. Sanghyuk pulled himself and the feelings of dread together. He didn’t want to ruin their day, no matter how he felt. He didn’t want to spend it moping around and making everyone else sad as well. He could kind of tell, or mostly guess really, that Taekwoon was – despite their thing – relieved to be going home. And he understood, he really did, but it didn’t feel all too good to be the saddest person of the two of them either.

Maybe Taekwoon was just more grown up than him. He couldn’t know what was going on in his head either way and there was no point in trying to read his mind.

So; he got up, made himself smile, and got dressed for breakfast.

Taekwoon cradled his coffee like it was his lovechild, completely ignoring the delicious croissants and instead inhaling the coffee smell like some possessed office worker. Sanghyuk supposed he was an enslaved office worker, with the kind of job he had. He, instead, had been bought a nice cup of hot chocolate to compliment his croissants. Hongbin and Wonshik had already finished their food and left for the bedroom to sleep, since they’d stayed out all night for their sake. He didn’t dare imagine what they’d been up to all night, but he hoped they hadn’t been bored. He’d have to consider feeling bad for them in that case, and he didn’t really want to.

“Are you eating those?” Sanghyuk asked Taekwoon, pointing at his ignored croissants. Taekwoon shot him a look, a hand stealthily reaching out and tugging the paper bag the delicious pastries were placed on top of, closer to himself on the kitchen island. Sanghyuk chuckled, despite being disappointed. He’d finished his own but was still hungry.

“I’m gonna fry some eggs.” He decided, getting up. “Want some?” He asked, looking at him for an answer. Taekwoon was mid sip and unable to speak, so he nodded a single time.

Finally, once eggs and toast had killed off his hunger, Sanghyuk had the mind to think of what to do with their day. Yesterday he had seriously considered the suggestion to just stay in and talk and cuddle, but he was changing his mind. It felt wasteful somehow to keep Taekwoon in all day when he was in Berlin for possibly the only time of his life. But he didn’t really have any suggestions either. They would need dinner, so that was something. He knew a place he hadn’t had the chance to take him to yet that made amazing burgers. But dinner wouldn’t be until at least a few hours, since they just had breakfast. He glanced at the clock on his phone. And it was past noon too, so a lunch wouldn’t be necessary if they ate an early dinner. He wanted to get back early so they could go to bed and have their fun without stealing away the sleep from Taekwoon before his long flight in the morning.

“Hyuk-ah.” Taekwoon’s voice made him snap back to reality from his internal brainstorm. He looked at Taekwoon, eyebrows raised in question with a hum.

“Hm?”

“What’re you thinking so hard about?” Taekwoon asked. He’d probably been quiet for a long time, staring blankly ahead.

“I’m trying to find us something to do until dinner.”

“We don’t have to do anything, I’m fine with just staying in.”

“It just…It feels like a waste to not let you see as much of the city as possible.”

“Spending time with you is more important to me than seeing Berlin, Hyuk-ah.” Taekwoon said, his voice so soft in that way only _his_ voice could get. Sanghyuk adored it so much. He sighed, slowly realising he was getting all worked up for nothing.

“Okay. We can stay in. If you’re sure you don’t wanna go see anything?” He gave him one last chance. “A museum? A park? The royal castle?”

Taekwoon smiled at him, looking a little smitten to be honest. “I’m fine.”

Sanghyuk sighed. “Okay.” He said, and then he didn’t really know what to do. What did he even want to do?

Kiss him.

But they couldn’t spend their last hours kissing either, that was ridiculous. Even if it was tempting. Maybe he’d just let them kiss for now. Until they figured out something else to do. He looked at Taekwoon, who was looking at him – waiting, and leaned in with soft lips and a beating heart. Their lips met with a tingle of electricity that stirred up every little nerve in Sanghyuk’s body. Taekwoon made him feel more alive than anything, he knew that now. No amount of alcohol or clubbing could beat this kind of buzz Taekwoon caused in him. Growing eager, he stepped closer and deepened their soft kiss, introducing their tongues to each other all over again. Taekwoon hummed into his mouth, Sanghyuk’s hand ran through his hair, his other hand finding the bare skin on his back beneath his shirt and came to a rest there. His skin was soft as silk and warm against his hands. He pressed closer, their chests meeting, Taekwoon yielding to Sanghyuk’s energy streaming out of every pore on his skin. Sanghyuk groaned as Taekwoon’s hand found his thigh, first stroked it, then squeezed it as their kiss intensified and neither could breathe any longer.

The broke apart with mutual gasps, sweet air filling up their lungs, lips red and swollen, minds hazed, eyes dark and alive. Sanghyuk had to move his hands to the counter to keep his balance, his arms caging in Taekwoon on his stool. He had totally forgotten they were still in the kitchen, time and place lost to him. Their eyes met again and their lips crashed together once more, the desperation growing. Sanghyuk could feel the longing for the other come at him like a wall of water. A wave that would crash him down and suck him into the darkness. And there would be no escape.

He was his now. He could see no other way.

\--

Time was flying. It was making Sanghyuk increasingly jittery. He hated the time, how it would pass so quickly when you least wanted it to and then move so painfully slow when you needed it to hurry up. He tried not to let it affect his mood, but every time he glanced at the time his mind darkened and his thoughts turned sadder.

They spent some time in Sanghyuk’s room, Sanghyuk showing Taekwoon some of his finished school projects. Taekwoon’s favourite was his sketches for the planned city of “Newton”, his final in city planning last spring semester. It was a plan he’d been playing around with for years, writing notes and sketching ideas for it in his notebooks whenever something inspired him to. Taekwoon spent a long time properly looking through the sketchbook he had gifted Sanghyuk before, now full of ideas and sketches for anything and everything. It had been filled up pretty fast, even before he went to Berlin, but he never moved anywhere without bringing it with him. To him that book was the beginning, an important reminder of what made him love architecture in the first place. Whenever he struggled with a project or an idea, he would flip through that book and remember its meaning and slowly feel better.

“Can I have a copy of this?” Taekwoon asked him after studying his wall of clips, photos and sketches for a while. He was pointing of the photo of him sketching that Hongbin had secretly shot, the first thing Taekwoon had pointed out when seeing that wall. “I really like it.” Taekwoon explained, looking a little burdened.

“Oh, sure! I can print a small one out for you.” Sanghyuk answered without thinking, then, only after, did he wonder what Taekwoon wanted it for. “What for?”

The older man blushed cutely, shrugging. “I just want it. Plus, I think Jaehwan would love it. Can you make two?” He stepped over to Sanghyuk sitting on his desk chair by his desk, already turning on his laptop. Hongbin had given him the digital file long ago, trying to talk him into using it as a profile picture but failing.

“Sure.”

“And… maybe one for your Dad?” Taekwoon asked softly, a hand coming to Sanghyuk’s shoulder as he sat back down on the chair beside his. Sanghyuk looked at him, eyes flickering a variation of emotions. He’d been really bad at keeping in touch with his extremely busy father after he moved and the guilt had made it even harder for him to get back in touch. It seemed like maybe his parents had mentioned it to Taekwoon, judging by the soft look on his face and how carefully he asked.

“Yeah.” He breathed. “That’ll make them happy.” He blushed, feeling shame for neglecting them. He’d been neglecting them all while he was in Berlin, there wasn’t any other way to describe it. At first it had been because the freedom and space away from them had been so liberating, and then it was laziness, and then it was guilt. And an endless supply of excuses not to get in touch; time zones, studies, homework, nothing to tell…

But, in the end, he just felt rotten and had a hard time making himself face them. It was easier with Jaehwan, so he didn’t completely lose out on him. But with his parents the sense of responsibility was bigger, a thus the ledge so much higher to climb onto.

He printed 3 copies of the picture onto standard photo paper and handed them to Taekwoon tucked into an envelope.

“I have a photo of you too, you know.” Sanghyuk revealed, grabbing for his wallet in his backpack on the floor beside the desk. Taekwoon’s eyebrows jumped in surprise. “Or, well, it’s of us, really.” He added, ears turning hot. He opened the wallet and showed him the picture from the high school graduation of the three of them. Three brothers, not in blood but in their hearts.

Taekwoon smiled bright and warm. “Your graduation!” He exclaimed, remembering. He looked at it for several minutes, taking it in while Sanghyuk observed him. He could see his mind drift into memories.

“I can’t wait for us all to be together again.” Sanghyuk murmurs with a sigh. He’d thought about that a lot since Taekwoon had come. Before he hadn’t really given going back much thought, but not he was looking forward to it. He felt ready to leave. Berlin had done its job and it was time to let go and go home.

Taekwoon looked up with fond eyes. “Yeah, me too.”

\--

“You got everything?” Hongbin asked Taekwoon for the third time within an hour, all four of them standing on the curb outside the apartment building, waiting for the taxi they’d called in advance.

Sanghyuk had a lump in his throat. He’d sworn he wouldn’t cry, but it was getting increasingly hard. He would need Wonshik’s shoulder the moment Taekwoon closed that car door.

“Wallet, ticket, passport.” Taekwoon listed, holding up the three objects in question. “As long as I have these, nothing can wrong.” He teased, repeating the wisdom Hongbin had drilled to him earlier. Hongbin huffed, visibly charmed (if you knew him well enough to know what that looked like). Taekwoon turned to Sanghyuk who was standing beside his personal mountain – Wonshik – hugging his own arms to keep himself from clinging on to Taekwoon’s soft hoodie (parting gift from Wonshik). The two roommates had surprised them with dinner, even after sleeping the entire first half of the day. Making Taekwoon immensely flustered; they both gave him gifts – even from Hakyeon. Hongbin gifted him a bag of locally roasted coffee beans and from Hakyeon they gave him an expensive Jo Malone perfume (which smelled so good on him, Sanghyuk wanted to rip his clothes off. Hakyeon knew him all too well).

“I’ll see you in a couple of months then.” Taekwoon told him awkwardly. In the corner of his eye, Sanghyuk could see Hongbin’s hands cringing. The two roommates tactfully stepped back to give them some room to talk.

“Yeah.” Sanghyuk huffed. His chest felt tight. The lump in his throat making it hard to speak, the lump in his stomach making it hard to stay sane.

He couldn’t say anything to make it better, but he could move. They stepped towards each other in synch, their bodies meeting in a tight embrace. Sanghyuk inhaling his scent, Taekwoon running his fingers through his hair.

The taxi arrived.

They parted. Kissed softly. Looked at each other for a full minute.

“See you soon.” Sanghyuk whispered.

Taekwoon left without another word.

Sanghyuk could feel the lump in his stomach grow so large his entire body ached with longing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: the next chapter will be the epilogue~


	18. Epilogue

_Seoul, June 30 th 2017: Jaehwan and Dohee’s Wedding Day_

Taekwoon checks his tie in the mirror. He bought a new suit for the occasion, not wanting to go to the wedding in any suits he’d worn to work. He’s a little short on time. He had to wrap up at work and clear his desk before he could go home and change, the wedding taking place in the afternoon. His box of things from his desk was discarded in the hallway, chucked away in a hurry to be taken care of at a later time.

He had finally quit his job. The time felt right, somehow, and he felt ready to move on to other things. He spent months making plans for his own practise and if everything went as planned, his dream was about to come true.

His doorbell chimed, and he frowned in question at the home system, not knowing who it could be. He wasn’t expecting anyone, everyone he knew either on their way to or already at the wedding hall. The screen lit up and revealed someone standing outside his building in a black suit. The angle of the camera was too high and the head was cut off from view.

He pressed the mic button.

“Who is it?” He called.

“It’s me.” A familiar voice called through the speakers and the man on the screen looked up at the camera. It was Sanghyuk. He pressed the button to unlock the door with a beating heart. They hadn’t talked for a long time. Sanghyuk had finals, he was finishing up at work, Jaehwan was making him help out with the wedding, Sanghyuk had to pack because he would fly in the day of the wedding, only two days after his last final. There had been no time for them to talk for several weeks and it had been agony for him. He’d adjusted to talking on the phone. He wasn’t any good at answering texts, but Sanghyuk knew and didn’t seem to mind. Instead their chat was like Sanghyuk’s blog, full of small stories and diary-like messages, pictures and videos. Taekwoon would scroll through them again and again in bed on sleepless nights where the loneliness would get to him. But they would spend hours on the phone, talking or even just doing their own things in silence. Having the other there, maybe just breathing, felt good. It made the distance feel less vast.

But it had been painful nonetheless and Taekwoon was relieved it was over. It was finally over. Sanghyuk was there. He was outside his door. His feet tingled, his nerves on edge. Sanghyuk had changed his hair. He’d kept it white in all the pictures Taekwoon had seen, but on the security camera it’d been dark.

He went to the door to open. As he approached it he could hear the footsteps in the stairs. Almost there. Almost in his arms. Almost close enough to smell and feel and kiss…

He stepped into his slippers and opened the door to meet him outside. The steps became louder, then they stopped – he was looking the wrong way, Taekwoon could see him now. His hair was dark brown, shiny and beautiful. He wanted to touch it. Run his hands through. Tug a little. Make him groan.

“Hyuk-ah.” He called, his voice making it sound soft but the volume high. He couldn’t wait for him to realise he was there. _Hurry up and get over here._

Sanghyuk turned to his voice. He was so beautiful, and he looked happy, and somehow even more grown-up than last time he’d seen him in the flesh. Maybe it was the suit; a pitch-black suit, perfectly tailored – it had to be Hakyeon’s doing – fitting his overgrown body like an artwork. It made him look so sharp, Taekwoon almost felt lacking in comparison. If he was to stand beside that all evening, he would need more than one drink.

“Hey Hyung.” Sanghyuk murmured as they stepped into a hug. Taekwoon hugged him tight, not wanting to let go ever again.

“What’re you doing here? You’re gonna be late and you’re the best man!” Taekwoon asked, even though he was more than happy for him being there. Sanghyuk pulled away his face to look at him, letting their bodies lean against each other, their hands resting on sides and hips.

“I’ve come to pick up my date for the wedding. Can’t arrive without him, it wouldn’t be right.” Sanghyuk answered, looking smug and happy. He was glowing, basically, even if he was tired from his flight. Taekwoon huffed.

“Did you come straight from the airport?”

“No, I went home to shower and change first.” Sanghyuk ran a hand through his brown hair. Taekwoon moved away a few stray strands from his forehead and back into his up-do.

“You coloured it.” Taekwoon murmured and Sanghyuk smiled. That smile that he had missed so much, agonising for months over it, dreaming about it…

“I missed you.” Sanghyuk said, voice low and thick with emotion. His happy expression turned pained. Taekwoon wanted the smile back. “ _Please._ _Don’t be in pain.”_ He thought and leaned in to kiss it away. Sanghyuk accepted his lips with a hum that spoke of longing. It had been so long, but somehow it felt like it had done them good. At least on Taekwoon’s part. He felt surer than ever now that he had him in his arms and felt his own heart beat wildly for him still. He was ready to invest his heart in this now. All the way.

“I’d drag you into the apartment right now if I could, but I met Dohee earlier and I don’t dare make us late.” Sanghyuk said, slightly out of breath, when they parted. Taekwoon chuckled. Dohee was intimidating when she wanted to, that was for sure.

“Let’s go.” Taekwoon said, taking Sanghyuk’s hand in his and closing the door to his apartment behind them before leading him down the hallway with glee.

Sanghyuk had made the taxi he arrived in wait for them and as a result they only just made it in time. As the best man Sanghyuk might ideally had to have been there a little earlier for his duties, but apparently Jaehwan had told him to do what he had to do, and he’d have one of his friends help out instead.

“You think he knows?” Taekwoon asked him as they briskly walked up the steps to the wedding hall. The outside was filled with flower wraiths of well wishes from people who knew the couple as well as fans of both bride and groom.

“He’s onto something, I can tell, but I think we need to tell him properly at some point today.” Sanghyuk said, holding the main doors open for him to step through. Taekwoon smiled at the gesture. Sanghyuk took his hand one more time and gave it a quick squeeze before he disappeared into the groom’s waiting room to check on Jaehwan, Taekwoon left to enter the main hall on his own.

At parties such as these he was always grateful for the assigned seat system, so he never had to look around for someone to sit with or any free seat if he was late like that day. The hall was bustling with people, most of them unfamiliar since he didn’t know any of Jaehwan’s extended family or any of Dohee’s family. He found the parents standing by the gift table in hanboks to greet the guests and walked over to offer his congratulations and deliver his gift money.

Jaehwan’s mother and Sanghyuk’s father greeted him with the same love as always, hugging him tightly and showering him with compliments on his resigning (news travelled fast) and how healthy he looked. He asked them how it felt to have their youngest son back and they both looked as if they were going to burst with pride.

“He’s grown so tall and handsome, our little boy, I almost had a shock at the airport!” Sanghyuk’s dad said, laughing happily. “He graduated with top grades, you know?” He added with a wink, not hesitating to brag at all. Jaehwan’s mom smiled fondly at him, looking amused.

“You’re lucky to have two such amazing sons, father.” Taekwoon told him, addressing him the way he’d been told to use all those years ago.

“Now, now. _Three_ amazing sons, Woonie.” Jaehwan’s mom interfered, reaching around him with her arm. Taekwoon blushed, pulling her into a side hug without a word.

“Ah! There you are, Sandeul!” Sanghyuk’s father expressed, rushing past Taekwoon to greet Jaehwan’s friend and colleague. Taekwoon didn’t know him very well, since he was a rather new friend, but they’d been introduced. With Sandeul there was another man, tall and handsome and approaching with Sandeul’s arm wrapped around his waist. They both smiled at them, Sandeul accepting Sanghyuk’s dad’s handshake with a respectful bow.

“We went to see your musical last week! We absolutely fell in love with it, I think we might have to go again.” Sanghyuk’s dad gushed on, shaking Sandeul’s whole arm with enthusiasm. Jaehwan and Sandeul recently got casted in a musical together. Taekwoon hadn’t had the chance to go yet, but he had a mind to take Sanghyuk some day soon.

“Ahh, thank you, thank you, that’s so nice of you. I can get you some tickets, if you want, though I’m sure Jaehwan can get you sorted perfectly on his own.” Sandeul answered, smiling but also looking a little bit flustered. Taekwoon couldn’t help but feel amused. Everyone was in such good spirits and it was a little dizzying. Everything was falling into place, it seemed. He was approaching true happiness. The kind of happiness you work for your whole life, never actually truly believing it will happen at some point but nonetheless never giving up on.

He walked over along with Jaehwan’s mom to say hello to Sandeul and his guest. Sandeul brightened when their eyes met, his arm then free from the strong grasp it had been exposed to.

“Taekwoon-ssi! It’s been so long!” He exclaimed, giving him a friendly pat on the shoulder. Taekwoon smiled with apology.

“I’ve been too busy to socialise the last few months, but I’m all done now so we’ll be able to catch up soon.” He explained. He hadn’t been able to attend Jaehwan’s stag party, unfortunately, thanks to all the cases he had to wrap up at work if he was going to leave the day he wanted to.

Sandeul nodded in understanding, congratulating him on starting a business, then turned to his guest, gesturing the man to come over with his free arm.

“This is my date today, Kim Seokjin.” Sandeul told him as Seokjin came closer, looking a little shy. Taekwoon extended a hand.

“Jung Taekwoon. Nice to meet you, Seokjin-ssi.”

Seokjin’s face lit up in slight surprise, then accepted his hand with a friendly smile. “Nice to meet you too.”

They smiled at each other wordlessly for a moment, the mood borderlining on awkward just as the announcement bell sounded and the ceremony was about to start. Taekwoon excused himself to find his table, the other two following close behind him.

The room was beautifully decorated with colourful flowers and round tables, the room split by a stage going all the way from a separate entrance for the bride and groom to the altar. Taekwoon knew he was seated at the very front alongside family and on the groom’s side of the room, so he walked straight to the front to look for his name on the tables.

He found it right away; a table for six set up for friends of the groom, right beside a table for the groom’s parents and grandparents. Two of Jaehwan’s high school friends, Youngjae and Heeyeon, were already chatting happily at their table when Taekwoon sat down hurriedly – the lights already dimming and the room hushing for the ceremony to start.

He saw Sanghyuk’s name tag beside his seat, relief washing over him, and then Sandeul and Seokjin sat down at their table as well. They did a quick round of greetings, most of them well familiar with each other already – with the exception of Seokjin – before hushing and turning to watch as the grand double doors opened and the music started to play.

\--

After the vows were exchanged and they’d all stood up in applause as the married couple kissed, Sanghyuk finally stepped down from the stage to join Taekwoon at the table. A big trolley with a white, gigantic cake was brought down the stage for the couple so they could cut it as they all watched. Taekwoon felt a gravitational pull towards Sanghyuk, getting stronger and stronger the closer he came to the table. He was standing, applauding, but his eyes were on Sanghyuk only. His on Taekwoon’s. Both smiling. Both feeling the pull.

The cake was cut, and people cheered loudly as confetti bombs exploded above the stage.

Their bodies crashed together in a tight hug, not daring to kiss in public just yet. Not with so much family. Not wanting to steal the attention. They turned to watch the married couple being drowned in white confetti, arms on each other’s shoulders, cheering.

Taekwoon’s heart felt like it was going to explode.

Sanghyuk was back and he knew now; he was falling in love with him. There was no doubt about it. And Sanghyuk already loved him back.

The married couple ate a bit of cake with their fingers, then kissed with lips covered in frosting, and they cheered again. A tear started running down Taekwoon’s cheek. Sanghyuk’s arm moved to his waist so their bodies came closer. Jaehwan bowed to the audience as if this was one of his musicals, smiling from ear to ear. They laughed heartily at his gesture.

The room started settling. It was time for photos and the parents and grandparents stepped on the stage first. Sanghyuk would join the next round.

The two of them looked at each other. Sanghyuk searched his eyes and seemed to find what he was looking for, because he looked relieved. He wiped away the tear on Taekwoon’s cheek. Oh, how he wanted to kiss him. The want was inches from consuming him.

Jaehwan’s mother called for Sanghyuk to come and Taekwoon’s grip around his shoulders instinctively tightened. A quick smile. A quick squeeze around his waist and then he was gone again.

Taekwoon felt short of breath. Kept his eyes on the other the whole time. Sanghyuk hugged the married couple, lined up for the family photo with both families, stepped to the side for a sibling photo for Dohee’s family, then stepped in once again for a photo with only the two brothers and their parents.

The moment he was done he practically jogged back down to Taekwoon.

“Done. No more photos.” He huffed at him, taking his elbow and tugged. “Let’s go.”

Taekwoon hesitated. “We can’t leave now, Hyuk-ah.”

Sanghyuk’s lips tugged with amusement. “We’re just stepping outside for some air.” He put weight on the words, expected Taekwoon to understand his meaning, but Taekwoon was a little slow.

“They’re taking the groom with friends picture soon-“ Taekwoon interjected, still resisting Sanghyuk’s pull on his elbow.

Sanghyuk stopped pulling and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“I swear, if you don’t come with me right now I’m not gonna be able to hold back anymore.” He whispered, voice strained.

Taekwoon blushed, but complied, let himself get dragged out of the room through a side door. They entered a narrow hallway, signs for restrooms and wardrobe on the walls the last thing Taekwoon saw before his back was against a wall and Sanghyuk’s lips were on his.

They moaned in unison at the contact and Taekwoon’s hands immediately found their way to Sanghyuk’s hair and neck. He felt the pressure inside him pour out slowly as they kissed desperately, the act of holding it in making the kiss all the more powerful. Sanghyuk’s body pressed against him, his hands on the wall, caging him in.

They parted with a gasp, Sanghyuk kissing his neck as he breathed heavily, mind reeling.

“You’re wearing the perfume.” Sanghyuk said in between kisses on his neck. Taekwoon’s spine was arching off the wall in response to the contact. Lips against skin. He’d been neglected for too long, his body responding with increased sensitivity. He didn’t really know what Sanghyuk meant, his mind had trouble finding ground.

Sanghyuk nosed his neck and inhaled deeply, then groaned. “verdammt Joe Malone Parfüm…” He muttered, then bit Taekwoon’s neck slightly, making him squirm.

“What?” Taekwoon asked, confused.

“You smell too good.” Sanghyuk pulled away to smile at him cheekily. His hair-do was ruined by Taekwoon’s hands, but the bed-hair look made him look even better in his opinion. It was weird to think this stunning guy wanted to kiss him. He pulled him in for another kiss.

“We should go.” He told him after. They needed to straighten up before going back in, their state way too obvious. Messed up hair, rumpled shirts, swollen lips, the red mark on Taekwoon’s neck… The last thing was a lost cause, but they quickly straightened up each other’s clothes and fixed their hair.

One last quick kiss right outside the door.

“You look amazing by the way.” Sanghyuk told him, smiling. Taekwoon looked at him, a little flustered. Sanghyuk opened the door and held out his hand. “You first. Go.” He told him and then Taekwoon was gently pushed out the door, blush and all, just as the photographer announced it was time for the friends of the groom photo.

Taekwoon hurried on stage, falling straight into Jaehwan’s embrace.

“Congrats, Jaehwan-ah.” He told him quietly while they hugged tightly. When they parted Jaehwan watched with him a strange, but amused smile.

“You guys couldn’t keep your hands off each other for even a few minutes, huh?”

Taekwoon sputtered, turning so bright red he started sweating. Jaehwan laughed and hugged him again. “I’m happy for you, Hyung. I really am.” He said fondly. Taekwoon tightened their hug, too flustered to answer. Instead he hid his face in Jaehwan’s shoulder and held back his emotions. He was on a stage after all. How Jaehwan had found out so easily he would never come to understand, and he would never ask.

They parted and Taekwoon lined up for the photo as Sanghyuk also stepped on the stage to join after Jaehwan had called for him. Taekwoon could see the moment Jaehwan told Sanghyuk he knew about them during their hug; a flash of surprise, then amusement and then finally love. Their eyes met and Sanghyuk grinned at him.

Jaehwan placed them all so that Taekwoon and Sanghyuk were standing on either side of him, their hands intertwined behind him, flashes of secretive looks shared at every possible moment. A flash, and then it was over. All the photos were done and they could finally have dinner.

“Sanghyuk, I gotta say, I’m so in love with your family.” Sandeul spoke when they were all gathered around the table again. Sanghyuk laughed in surprise.

“Really? Why?” He asked. Taekwoon knew exactly why, because he felt the same way and had been feeling the same way ever since he was taken under their wing.

Sandeul seemed to struggle to properly arrange his words. Words sometimes didn’t feel like they were enough, did they? When you wanted to describe something that couldn’t really be explained without sounding too dramatic. Or getting to emotional. Or when something couldn’t really be explained at all. It just was.

“They’re just so… Loving and accepting and-“ He flailed his arms, looking for words.

“Proud.” Taekwoon interjected, not exactly realising he said it out loud. Sanghyuk turned to him, eyes searching. He smiled back warmly.

“Yes! And modern.” Sandeul exclaimed. Everyone at the table nodded thoughtfully, knowing very well what Sandeul was referring to and didn’t feel the need to say it out loud.

“Parents like that are rare here, I hope you know how lucky you are.” Sandeul said then, his voice turning serious but soft. Seokjin laid a hand on his on the table and they shared a smile. Sanghyuk looked at Taekwoon again, the sympathy in them unavoidable – Taekwoon knew. He couldn’t blame him for it, even if he didn’t want it.

“I know.” Sanghyuk said softly, without looking away. The table went quiet, the mood a little dampened and the food a welcome distraction from bringing the topic further. And as they finished their plates and left for more and returned to the table again; their conversation came back to life. Sanghyuk asked about the musical, digging for details on Jaehwan and his performance. The musical was blowing up, becoming a lot more popular than expected. Jaehwan apparently now had fans waiting for him when he left the theatre, who sang for him and gave him gifts. Taekwoon could see the same kind of pride glowing inside Sanghyuk as his father had expressed earlier and felt the same pride in himself.

“We’ll go see for ourselves next week, I think, if the tickets aren’t sold out.” Taekwoon said, using the ‘we’ as if them going together was a given. And it was, to him, even if they hadn’t gone official yet. The table didn’t seem to notice, but the corner of Sanghyuk’s mouth twitched upwards and then he flashed a quick look at him.

The pressure in his chest had been building up again ever since they left the hallway. The look made it flutter. His nerves were on edge, like small electric currents traveling across his skin, looking for an excuse to explode. A touch of skin, a breath, anything.

Sanghyuk’s hand on his thigh. He tensed. Heart going rapid. His skin flushed.

He grabbed for the glass of water on the table. The others were immersed with conversation, Youngjae telling about his new job and the difficulties on the job market or something – Taekwoon couldn’t really pay attention anymore. He nearly choked on his water – Sanghyuk’s hand was moving to his inner thigh as he reached over across Taekwoon’s seat to grab the water pitcher. He was smiling, Taekwoon could see it even though Sanghyuk wasn’t looking at him. He was in on the conversation, partly, pretending as if nothing was going on while his hand rode up along Taekwoon’s thigh slow and deliberate while Taekwoon pretended to drink.

He couldn’t breathe, the pressure within him ready to burst any second. He needed to get out of there, or he wouldn’t be able to stay quiet much longer. Sanghyuk wasn’t looking at him, so he couldn’t signal his distress. So, he kicked his foot and the hand flew away. Taekwoon set down his glass and gasped as discreetly he could. The others didn’t notice. Sanghyuk finally looked at him, his expression so amused it was almost annoying.

_Was he not also being tortured by this?_

He huffed, got up and when nobody but Sanghyuk looked at him, he walked away from the table without excusing himself – heading straight for the restroom. He could feel Sanghyuk following. He could imagine Jaehwan noticing them leaving at the same time. His face turned red and hot at the assumptions he might make.

He didn’t stop his brisk walk until he was in the men’s room and splashed his face with water. He was hot and flustered and his heart was beating like crazy. He heard the door open and looked up into the mirror to see if it was Sanghyuk.

Sanghyuk walked over, not looking so amused anymore, and stopped by his side, leaned on the sink and crossed his arms.

“You okay?” He asked, surprisingly timid.

Taekwoon huffed. His body was overheating, which made him feel desperate to get his suit off to cool down. He fanned himself with a hand. “Yeah, just a bit warm.”

“Did I go too far?” Sanghyuk asked, and his had tone changed. It made Taekwoon straighten up to look at him. He looked worried, that frown back on his face. He didn’t like it when he frowned.

“It’s a bit too crowded, but I’m fine.” He said, not exactly knowing how to explain properly but hoping Sanghyuk would understand by knowing him. He didn’t like public display. Of any kind.

Sanghyuk’s frown didn’t budge, but he nodded anyway. “Okay.”

Taekwoon reached for the paper towels and dried his face.

“Should I go?” Sanghyuk asked. Taekwoon shook his head.

“I’m good now, Hyuk-ah.” He threw the paper in the trash bin and turned fully towards him. “Stay.” He told him, but Sanghyuk still looked worried and as always it made him look younger. Taekwoon smiled reassuringly and reached out to run his hand through his hair. He let his fingers run against his scalp and it made Sanghyuk close his eyes and lean in with a sigh. They hugged again, softly for once, Sanghyuk letting his face rest on his shoulder.

“I missed you too.” Taekwoon murmured. He hadn’t said it before, outside the apartment when Sanghyuk had told him the same. He’d been afraid the words would make him cry. The way they were now made it easier to say without feeling sad about it. He was there now, there was nothing to miss anymore.

Sanghyuk’s grip tightened around him for a moment, before he let go. He inhaled the scent of Taekwoon’s perfume before he leaned back, then smiled. He seemed okay then, the frown was gone and the worry too.

“So, we’re doing this?” Sanghyuk asked. Taekwoon couldn’t help but smile at his straightforwardness.

“Yeah.” He nodded and felt his mouth grin. His chest was fluttering. Sanghyuk beamed, basically radiating in his arms like a sun. It filled him with love to see him so happy. So full of hope.

Not able to stop smiling, they both leaned their foreheads together and waited for it to pass before they finally kissed deeply, soothing the pressure in their chests while their hearts galloped.

Taekwoon didn’t think he would ever let him go again.

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funfact:   
> Me and my friend’s stories accidentally aligned. We’ve always been sharing everything we write and give each other extensive commentary, but as we read each other’s stories this time around we noticed that they fit together.   
> In honour of that coincidence we have a guest from her fic in this chapter: Seokjin. I highly recommend you go read hers if you haven’t already, and then you’ll get a glimpse of Taekwoon in there as well. READ HERE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13477707/chapters/30901866
> 
> \--
> 
> This is so emotional. It’s been 2 years and 2 months since I started this story in an airport on my way home from Korea. There’s been countless times where I’ve felt like just scrapping the whole thing, often because other ideas came up and felt more inviting than picking this back up. But I’ve pulled through and only written when I wanted to, so it wouldn’t feel forced out and become half-assed.   
> To those of you who’s been here since day 1: Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for staying this long. Your loyalty means the world to me. Please leave me a comment so I can thank you more personally.  
> To you who commented along the way: Thank you for keeping me writing. You’re the main reason I was able to motivate myself to sit down and write.   
> To all of you: Thank you for being here, for loving vixx, for reading fanfics and making it more fun.   
> I’ll be back soon with a new story. I hope you’ll be back around for it.  
> Love,  
> Viking


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